- 2 months ago
I’ve never posted to a forum before, but i’m so confused what to do about this. (sorry it’s so long)
My father and my mother split up when i was 3 and it was all very civil. My father then remarried to a women who wasn’t the best fan of children and could be a bit manipulating at times towards me. They then had a daugther, we get along great. 15 years pass and my father and his wife get a divorce and divorce proceedings get very vicious, as of now (3/4 years later) they are stilling fighting and being vicious with my sister caught in the middle.
My wedding is in 4 weeks. A year ago i discussed with my dad to walk down the aisle with me as he’s created a better relationship with me, i inform him my sister has agreed to be my bridesmaid. We discuss if his ex wife will be there i say no she’ll not be at the wedding, we then later discuss how my sister and friend will get to the wedding (they live 3hrs away from me and the venue) I say there is a possiblity that my friend can take them on the train with her as she lives near by, he offers to take them which is unlikely to happen due to ex wife. He then agrees to come to the wedding with his partner, my partner and I are okay with this.
Fast forward to now. I’m now on civil terms with my dads ex wife, shes explanined that she would like to drop off my sister and friend as she in responisble for them the day before the wedding and then pick them up the evening of the wedding at a different area of the grounds of the venue (a good 150m away) to avoid my dad. I’m okay with this all seems amicable, my aunt has agreed to supervise the situation.
I discuss casual wedding information with my dad, he brings up how my sister is getting to the wedding, i tell him and he flips out shouting at me, saying i changed the agreement, this wasn’t what was confirmed before i agreed to coming to the wedding, you said my ex wife would not be anywhere near the wedding. The woman is a manipulator she will make a scene! I’m shocked by this point and explain shes not at the wedding she’s just picking them up, you will not see here at all. He then turns around and says well if shes there i’m not coming to the wedding, you agreed with me she’s not going to be there.
I then cool off and send him an email response explaning we’ve moved where the ex wife pics up the girls to an even more secure location, i explain i don’t want to be manipulated in such away with threats of not coming etc. His response “You asked me to attend, ypu mentioned your sister was a bridesmaid and said from the very outset “only if my ex wife will not be there”. As for talking down to you, don’t be ridiculous. I was reminding you of what was said. Finally, I would have thought who attends your wedding would affect you and you have some control over it. I make my point once again, if she is present I will sadly not be there. Make your decision now as I would rather not embarrass you on your day.”
I’m shocked and speak to his parents (my grandparents) about this to see if she can explain where i’m going wrong in this situation, long story short she blames me for changing my sisters travel arrangments and my dad has every right to have a go at me because it’s not whats agreed previously! I’m shocked again and argued my point that his ex wife has every right to pick up the girls and she’s agreed to every suggestion i have given so far. MY nan gets more annoyed and keeps telling me it’s my fault, i should jsut tell her no, she then states if you’re dad’s not coming we’re not coming to the wedding, i say so you’re making me choose between my sister and dad then? she says, yes. Then has ago at me about not sending him a fathers day card and i’m a bad daughter. I did send a card, i call and arrange to meet his regularly, so that’s utter nonsense.
I’m now completly stuck on what to do, my mind is a mess and i feel like i’m being emotionally blackmailed left and right! Any advice would be greatly welcomed i just want to know what i’ve done wrong?