(Closed) Forced to wear backless dress as bridesmaid

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

My suggestion would be to buy one of those strap converters for the back (to make it a low back bra) and tuck the straps in. As you won’t find a nursing bra with clear straps, or you can buy a normal bra (you can feed in them but it’s more awkward) and get clear straps and the back converter or a clear back strap aswell. 

 

You will leak milk and will probably be 2 dress sizes bigger than pre pregnancy. I only gained what I was supposed to and I was still 2 sizes bigger at 2 months post partum despite losing most of my pregnancy weight. (I think I was about 9lbs away) I am big chested and went from a 28E to a 28G just so you know what kind of size you might need. 

 

Or ask if you can change the dress. 

Post # 19
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Ok I’m quite small chested but had a massive milk supply with my first baby (my bra size only went up one cup size during breastfeeding though). At 2 months PP, I was feeding every three hours and still had an excess of milk. There’s absolutely no way I would go braless because I would literally be leaking milk everywhere. At the very least, you NEED cups to hold in some breast pads, especially if you’ll be expressing/feeding less often than usual that day. 

Honestly, I’d talk to the bride and explain your concerns. Perhaps wait until you’ve had the baby and established a feeding routine before you make the call. If she’s not willing to budge, I would consider stepping down because I definitely would have been uncomfortable in that situation. 

Post # 20
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
beebee19 :  I’m going to start by saying I think this bride sounds incredibly selfish and inconsiderate. 

Is there no way one of the other bridesmaids would wear the dress you were comfortable with as well?

If you have to wear this dress I would see if you can order some material and just cover the back completely. Obviously everyone is different but at 2 months postpartum my boobs were still leaking all the time so a stick on would have lasted about 3 seconds. In terms of sizing my boobs went from a 36D to 36H so I had to order at least a size up from my previous size in dresses. 

You are being incredibly accomadating. If one of my friends ignored such valid concerns I’m not sure I would still be a bridesmaid. 

Post # 21
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee

I would talk to the bride about your concerns again and see if you can find a pretty cardigan or bolero of some sort to wear over the top. I would have felt so uncomfortable in that even before I had a baby. I don’t believe those sticky bras are particularly useful for anyone over a C cup anyway. I was a fairly reasonable, but still large, DD cup before pregnancy and with breastfeeding I am more like an H. Soooo…yeah. 

You’re not being unreasonable. I think sometimes people with smaller chests just can’t understand the struggle!!

Post # 22
Member
4995 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
beebee19 :  can you order extra lace that matches the dress and have a panel down in the back so you can wear a bra?

Post # 23
Member
1990 posts
Buzzing bee

I am shocked that the bride isn’t being accommodating to you. I would talk to her again or step down. Even if it’s her wedding, you also need to be comfortable. I do think your idea of adding lace to cover a strapless bra is a good idea. 

Post # 24
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with the PPs who think the bride is being inconsiderate. I wouldn’t be comfortable wearing that dress since I have big boobs, so I can’t imagine how awful it must be to factor in your breast feeding issues. 

I agree that you should look into modifying the back with some lace or other matching fabric to allow you to wear a bra. And if that isn’t an option or if the bride isn’t open to that then step down. It’s not worth putting yourself through that.

Post # 25
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

I can’t believe they expect you to leave your 8 week old baby at home, especially when you’re breastfeeding! I wouldn’t be going if it’s were me 

Post # 26
Member
2908 posts
Sugar bee

Unless you are super excited to be a bridesmaid, honestly, I’d just bow out. “Bride, I love you and I was so thrilled to be asked to be in your bridal party, but considering I’m going to be breastfeeding a newborn and the dress doesn’t accommodate that, I really think it would be better if I just came to the wedding as a guest.” If you’re really into the bridesmaid thing though, maybe look for a seamstress with experience altering formalwear for breastfeeding moms?

Post # 28
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
beebee19 :  leave your 2 months old baby overnight? No.

Actually I hope your baby won’t take a bottle, then you have a reason to not go. 

Post # 29
Member
2847 posts
Sugar bee

The bride does sound extremely selfish. Not only is she forcing you to wear a dress you have straight out told her will be a problem for you (for very good reason, I might add), but she’s not allowing you to bring your newborn? AND you have to leave your newborn overnight? I’d decline. She doesn’t sound like a good friend.

Post # 30
Member
2908 posts
Sugar bee

Wow yeah, I didn’t realize the baby couldn’t come. Leaving a breastfed 8 week old overnight and hoping the newborn will take a bottle (assuming you can even pump enough for that, which plenty of women can’t, especially at that point post-partum) seems extremely unrealistic to me. I’m crossing all my fingers for you that it works out okay.

 

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