(Closed) Forced to wear backless dress as bridesmaid

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I have big boobs too and I cannot imagine being a new mom on top of that, PLUS wearing a backless dress. I can’t even wear a backless dress now… If she’s your friend, she should understand how terrible an idea this would be for you. If she’s your friend, she should have no problem making sure you’re comfortable

Post # 32
Member
3151 posts
Sugar bee

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beebee19 :  Motherhood may well turn you from a mild mannered, self-effacing and accommodating woman into the most aggressive of mother grizzly bears who will,  if necessary and by sheer force of personality, halt the entire wedding while you feed the baby.

Just so you know.

Post # 33
Member
6942 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

As someone who is currently 10 weeks post partum…absolutely not. This bride sounds horrendous. There is no way I’d leave my newborn baby overnight at this point! And that dress is going to be a logistical nightmare trying to get I’m and out of to pump. Actually with added lace in the back I think it’d be even more tricky to easily pump. 

I have a wedding to go to when I’m 13 weeks post partum and I’m dreading it because of the dress issue. Thankfully I’m not in the wedding and can pick whatever dress I want…but it’s still difficult because frankly my body is changing constantly and my boobs are HUGE (34 I). Oh and this bride told me I’m welcome to bring my baby if I want to…because she’s a decent human being and that’s the right response when it comes to breastfeeding newborns. 

Post # 34
Member
2989 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

As someone who is built similarly to you and is BF a toddler (we are down to just feeding at naptimes/bedtime but the struggle is real) I suggest bowing out. 

My girl wouldn’t take a bottle and is still fussy AF about what sippy cups are acceptable so I wouldn’t have been able to attend the wedding without my baby. 

My boobs ballooned to a 34GG/H depending on the brand. I am not even joking. Already setting aside money for a reduction because holy shit this is not okay. I did. It leak milk but many women do.

At 2 months postpartum I still had a sore pregnant belly (though it was smaller) and was still wearing maternity clothes. I looked about the same when I was 5-6 months pregnant. I was also still bleeding lochia and needing to keep a peri bottle with me in my diaper bag.

If you are determined to be there, I would say that you talked to many mom friends about how to make the dress work 2 months postpartum who said you will still look pregnant and need a maternity Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. This is not causing drama, it’s just the reality of the situation. Maybe you can select a similar-ish maternity gown. I know that Nordstrom has a service where they can convert almost any bra into a nursing one, so maybe you can find one with clear straps. 

So many women have no idea what labor, delivery, and recovery is like until they are there. I know they have many articles on the subject. You can send these (or ones you like more) to your friend. 

https://www.fitpregnancy.com/parenting/real-mom-stories/nutritionist-shares-her-real-postpartum-body

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thebump.com/a/post-pregnancy-body-pictures/amp

http://www.scarymommy.com/dont-tell-postpartum-body/

Don’t worry, 18 months postpartum and I look almost the same aside from some stretch marks, weird belly button, and the boobs of doom! I was a high-waisted 38/30/38 prepregnancy and now I’m 40/32/38 (so disappointed that my hips didn’t get any bigger!). I was told the last bit of extra weight will come off once she’s weaned. 

You probably will recover well too. The most important thing is that you both stay healthy and don’t stress! 

Good luck. 

Post # 35
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee

I was going to suggest something similar to Is_a_belle in that if you can change your order, see if there is a maternity style of this dress instead.  Most of my friends were not back to their pre-pregnany bodies 2 months out.  I can’t tell where the dress is from from your picture, but most bridesmaid dress lines offer maternity dresses that are usually a lot more modest.  I would check and see if that’s an option first.

I understand not stepping down, especially if it’s a close friend and your husband is in the bridal party.  But the bride is being a bit unreasonable to your situation.

Post # 36
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Your buddy sounds like a dickhole. 

Honestly, if you feel like you have to be there 100%, I wouldn’t even ask about adding a panel in the back. Just do it .

Since they decided to go with what they like without you, you go ahead and do what makes you comfortable without them. It’s still the same dress and if the bride gets upset over a little modesty panel, she’s crazy. 

Post # 37
Member
6802 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
beebee19 :  I’d speak to the bride and I wouldn’t take no for an answer.  A dress with that front will look god-awful on a big chested person, never mind the unsupportive part and backlessness.  I was the same size as you pre-baby and I am still looking for a bra that fits me now at 7 months (I don’t live anywhere I can try things on, I have to order online).  My boobs just grow to be slightly larger than whatever my new bra is.  It sucks.

Tell her that while you’re happy to be in her wedding, that dress is simply not feasible and if she isn’t willing to allow you to wear something different, you will unfortunately have to step down.  Come with suggestions so it doesn’t seem that you are unwilling to try.

ETA: I just read your updates and I’ll be blunt:  you are being an absolute pushover and your “close” friend is being a jerk.  Stand up for yourself and stand up for your baby!  Either bow out so you can take care of baby properly (you’re both going to be at the wedding??) or insist on wearing something that actually fits you and looks decent and bringing baby along (the sitter they were going to have anyway could watch baby in another area close by).  There is just no excuse for any of this.

Also, with boobs that size, putting a lace panel is going to do nothing for you.  Wearing a sticky bra is silly.  Likewise a convertible bra with low straps, putting in cups, etc.  These are easy answers for people who haven’t dealt with giant breasts.  They have zero idea what’s up.

Post # 38
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

Hmmm… that dress is not very forgiving for a post part figure or breastfeeding during a wedding.  While the bride deserves to have the dress she wants, ask he about an alternative that will look nice or maybe offer to just be a personal attendant.  

Post # 39
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m glad to see the last page or so of this thread has some common sense to it. I was horrified with the “helpful tips” given on the first page! You’ve just had a baby for God’s sake it’s a no brainer that you can’t prounce around without a bra or with stick-ons! I was a bride once too and I’d never ever want to make my friends uncomfortable for the sake of pretty pictures. Whether you just had a kid or not, whether you breastfeed or not – even if you were just uncomfortable at the thought of not wearing a bra due to a larger chest, she should understand and let you alter the dress / pick a similar colour-style but different top accordingly! 

Post # 40
Member
3393 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My DS is 13 months and only now would I consider leaving him overnight. 

Dress aside they cannot expect you to leave a newborn at home. Bow out of this wedding

Post # 41
Member
1564 posts
Bumble bee

Why are you being such a pushover? Stop. The chances this dress turns out poorly for you are high. Even if the bride is on board with these alteration fixes,  it”s already highly questionable what size you are going to have to wear. If you get the wrong size you could easily end up simply running out of time for alterations while you wait for the correct size to come in. Additionally your body will just change so much in those 2 months even if it fit right a month before it could fit weird the day of. 

 And that sort of stress is just extremely not necessary post-partum. And feeling self conscious in your skin post partum is common, why put yourself through that? Bow out now before this becomes some ridiculous nightmare. 

It’s nice to be a bridesmaid sure, and I admit I would be hurt if a bridesmaid bowed out for no reason, but I would 100% understand if a bridesmaid bowed out for this reason. If the bride doesn’t, she wasn’t a good friend anyway. 

Post # 42
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

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skunktastic :  I just want to correct you on one point that I have very large breasts and have used a back strap converter without issue

Post # 43
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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llevinso :  yes, this. I’m 13 weeks post partum and there is absolutely no way I’m ready to leave him overnight anytime soon. 

I’m Maid/Matron of Honor in a wedding 16 weeks post partum and while she was really accommodating I am still super self conscious of how gross I am. 

Your friend is a jerk, I would decline. 

Post # 44
Member
3313 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

If they were not su

Post # 45
Member
3313 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

They were not supportive  , I would bow out. When they ask why explain you will be tried from sleepless nights, breastfeeding and will not have the energy to run around doing all your bridesmaid duties.. 

Congratulations on your pregnancy and sorry your friends aren’t very understanding  Hugs 

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