(Closed) Forced to wear backless dress as bridesmaid

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 46
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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beebee19 :  Would the bride be ok with you wearing a bolero? I have 4 bridesmaids. One felt uncomfortable in the dress that everyone else liked. When I asked why she said that she felt like it exposed too much of her back. I asked her if she’d be ok wearing a bolero. I order d her this silk one off of Etsy. One other bridesmaid also asked for the bolero because she was worried she’d be cold during the ceremony. So now 2 bridesmaids will have a bolero and 2 won’t. I want my bridesmaids to feel comfortable and your bride should too!

 

otherwise, I’d definitely try to modify the dress so that you could wear a bra under the dress. 

 

bolero

Post # 47
Member
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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beebee19 :  Take it to a seamstress and have some good cups sewn in. You shouldn’t leak through those. However, if you think you might, tuck your nursing pads into the cups. You’ll be fine. I wouldn’t stress too much. I wore the nursing pads with both my dresses and no leakage occured!

Post # 48
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

As many of you know, picking a bridesmaid dress is harder than it looks! I had my heart set on “gold” affordable dresses that would need to accommodate a size 00 and a size 24.  We finally found ONE option that was a nice flowy A-line, came in an actual gold color (not champagne), fit everyone’s sizes, and was reasonably priced.

The problem: it had a back just like yours! The bridal store suggested ordering an extra yard of fabric from the designer of the dresses.  We could divvy it up, and anyone who wants to have a back panel sewn in can.  

3 of the 7 girls want a panel sewn in. We are using some more of the extra fabric to make belts for flower girls and bowties for ring bearers that will match perfectly.  All the girls who didn’t want an open back are completely cool with it after sewing in a panel.

Talk to your bride about it.  It’s possible she hasn’t even considered this option.  This is what my dress back looks like: 

Post # 49
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - England

Why don’t you try a low back converter? They hook on to the ends of your bra and warp around your waist and use it with one of those clear strap bras or a halter neck bra if it wouldn’t effect feeding baby too much? I think that would be a fair compromise surely? 

Post # 50
Member
749 posts
Busy bee

This dress already looks like a pain in the butt to take off at the end of the night never mind several times to pump or feed. If you are a D now they will be even bigger so a bra will be integral. Pick a different dress you are comfortable in or let the bride know you won’t be able to participate. 

Post # 51
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Wow, sorry bee I would have expected the bride to be much more accomodating. I would think your best bet is getting cups sewn in. 

Post # 52
Member
5947 posts
Bee Keeper

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beebee19 :  I feel you. No kids yet but I’m a 42DD. I would say, “bride, the dress you chose is lovely, but there is a very high probability of a major wardrobe malfunction if I have to wear a strapless dress with these boobs. Please let me add or get a similar dress with straps.” 

If she’s reasonable at all she’ll be fine with it. I had a strapless corset bra under my own wedding dress but I for sure had straps and pretty hefty ones at that on my dress. No way was I going to either be strapped in so tight I couldn’t breathe nor was I gping to be tugging at my chest area all night. 

And add in breast feeding and thats a whole lotta hell no. She’s gotta let you pick something else. Also the leaking issue and thats a double hell no. Or wear a bra, let it show through and say eff it and have a bolero. Tell her those are your two options. My BMs had two different dresses and no one gave a crap or noticed. The pictures are awesome and happy smiles make the best picture. I told my pregnant friend that if she was miserable day of she could wear a cotton pregnancy outfit instead to be comfy. 

Post # 53
Member
5947 posts
Bee Keeper

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Beth7210 :  What brand please. I have not ever found one that worked for me. 

Post # 54
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

Ok second the bride is being so unreasonable not letting your bring your baby. We are having a kids free wedding but have had exceptions for little babies. We have a friend bringing a 5 week baby. Also my sister who is a bridesmaid is bringing her 4 month old baby (first kid). I know my sis will have to express milk and her husband will be caring for my niece. However I don’t want to stress her out by being away from her baby all day. 

Post # 55
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Just spotted you said it’s an overnight away from your baby. Nope, nope, nope. 

I’d just pull out and send your husband by himself if they won’t let you bring the baby. Which is ridiculous. 

Obviously everyone is different but I was nowhere near ready at 8 weeks to leave him overnight. Also, at 8 weeks your milk supply will only just be regulating and it might be difficult for you to pump that much milk in advance. 

On a different note though, I introduced a bottle at 3 weeks with no problems. 

Post # 56
Member
11370 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Your friend is really being a jerk here, bee. I look at that dress as a person who requires a bra and shudder. I am not pregnant or nursing. Neither of these two things look possible in that dress.

adding in her refusal to let you bring your newborn… you know, you have your own family and needs to think of. 

Weddings are a great time to celebrate our friends, but sadly sometimes we see that our lives have changed and/or people are not who we assumed they were. I hope that this friend is simply not thinking, but she doesn’t seem interested in accommodating you and that’s not okay. 

Speak up for yourself and your LO. 

Post # 57
Member
1824 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Wear whatever you need to under the dress, and wear something else over the dress.  Bolero, cardigan, blazer, whatever.  But you need to be able to wear appropriate undergarments.

Post # 58
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m not trying to stress you out more, but what if your baby comes a couple weeks past the due date? You could potentially be only about 6 weeks postpartum at the time of this wedding…

Post # 59
Member
691 posts
Busy bee

I have a dress with almost the same back. That’s not what I consider backless, it’s low back. 

You can: 

1. Get a bra that hooks at your lower back (victorias secret has these) 

2. Wear a strapless and pull the back down to hide under the back zipper (I’ve done this it works) 

I would not recommend the self adhesive bras with your chest size. 

Honestly, it’s not that big of a deal and not a crazy backless, no bra will work kind of dress. I think you’re making this into a bigger issue than it has to be. 

Post # 60
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Dude bee, this situation sucks and im sorry you’re dealing with a bridezilla. Definitely stay away from the sticky bra,  I’m only a d and not pregnant or breastfeeding and they provide no support whatsoever for me.

TBH,  in you situation,  I’d try to gracefully bow out.  She doesn’t sound like a good friend to you. If you attend the wedding as a guest,  you have a whole lot less stress,  and if you aren’t feeling up to going on an overnight trip without your newborn baby after the baby is born, it’ll be easier to bow out as a guest.

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