(Closed) Forced to wear backless dress as bridesmaid

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 76
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I will not wear anything without a bra for many reasons, so for my wedding I’m getting a bra sewn into my dress that way I have the underwiring and everything that I feel more comfortable with having. Basically they’ll cut out the back of the bra and sew in the sides. It seems more supportive to me than just getting cups sewn in. Could you take the bridesmaid dress to a seamstress and have the same thing done? 

 

Post # 77
Member
666 posts
Busy bee

 EONS ago at my first wedding I had an off the shoulder, long sleeved dress that was low enough in the back that a regular bra strap would show.

I had this really structured bra, it was like a corset really, that had nice padded cups and went low in the back.  It had the added bonus of supporting my upper abdominals.  I think this could easily be pulled down in front to pump?

 

Post # 78
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
beebee19 :  I do think added fabric closing the back is going to make it a lot more difficult to pump. Also, all of these bras people are posting about are not nursing bras and therefore will make pumping even trickier as you’d probably have to take the bras off completely to pump. Or try to shimmy them down and back up but I don’t see that going well/easy in formal wear. 

*Posting this as I’m currently pumping on my couch. It’s not as easy as people make it seem. It’s time consuming and can be uncomfortable. 

Post # 79
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

It’s pretty shitty of your friend to force you into wearing a dress you’re uncomfortable with. It’s not even like you having an actual back to your dress will mess up the look.

Post # 80
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

After reading all of your info, I’d honestly skip the wedding. She won’t allow your small infant so you can breastfeed him and she won’t budge on the dress choice so you can at least pump comfortably…sounds like a great friend. 

Post # 81
Member
9444 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

That original dress is going to suck to try and pump in. Nursing would be impossible without completely undressing. I’m 100% in support of childfree weddings, but expecting a bridesmaid to leave a 2 month old breastfeeding infant overnight is completely bridezilla territory and I’d drop out of the wedding personally. It is very likely your boobs will be much larger – I went from a C to a D while nursing (let’s hope they stick around when I’m done! hehehe. The A-cup teenager in my mind is so impressed with my mom boobs lol). 

Post # 82
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

So my niece tried on this exact same dress yesterday. She is 5’11 and a size 16 and I can say that it wasnt very flattering for her personally and I totally agree with the OP that it is MUCH wider opened backed than on the model in the photos. 

That being said, if the bride is INSISTING you wear this dress and you are not comfortable, I’d ask about added in a lace piece in the back. Or a shall. Or something. I think it is pretty unfair for anhyone to do this to another person. Weddings make people whacky and not think clearly. 

 

Post # 83
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Please oh please, do yourself and your baby a favour and skips this “friend’s” wedding. She is being horrible! What kind of friend prioritise a dress over the fact that her friend is a new mother and is still making the effort to be part of the wedding?! The fact that the dress is going to be uncomfortable and potentially a disaster for you. She sounds pretty selfish. If were her I’d be so incredibly honoured that you’re even coming to the wedding. Hell I’d let you show up in your pyjamas! 

Post # 84
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Your friend is really lacking in understanding. Maybe you can find a dress with lace in a similar color that she would let you wear, although it sounds like maybe you already tried that route.

I would AT LEAST have the baby in the hotel with you. I’ve never heard of a breastfed baby not being allowed at an event so I’d be tempted to scrap the whole thing.

I honestly can’t even imagine going to a wedding all day and night at 8 weeks pp. Hopefully you don’t have a c-section because you probably won’t even be able to stand for the whole ceremony. I was still in a considerable amount of pain at that point and could just hobble a couple blocks to take baby on a short walk.

Post # 85
Member
900 posts
Busy bee

I think its a bigger issue that she doesn’t want the baby there when you will have a 6-8 week old baby. Then the entire dress issue is the cherry on top of her being really selfish. I think you may have to skip this wedding. She is entitled to do what she wants on her day but you are entitled to do whats best for you and your baby. 

Post # 86
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
beebee19 :  The more I think about it, the more I think sewing a panel in the back is not going to work.  It’s going to be a nightmare to take on and off to either pump or BF.

I can’t post the picture, but knowing that the dress is from David’s Bridal, there is a maternity once with a lace top that I think would work perfectly.

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_maternity-sleeveless-long-corded-lace-mesh-dress-f17087_maternity-bridesmaid-dresses

Sorry to be blunt, but I think the bride is being an ass for telling you to just wait and see.  She’s more interested in her vision of matching maids than your comfort.  Some friend. undecided

Post # 89
Member
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I would just bow out OP. It sounds like too much stress and hassle. 

If the bride isn’t willing to let you wear something you’re comfortable in then she should be supportive/understanding of you being a regular guest. 

Post # 90
Member
6804 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
beebee19 :  Bend over backwards much farther and you’re going to break your spine.  May I ask why it’s this desperately important for you to do this for the bride when she’s apparently not willing to make any concessions for you?  Discounting pregnancy, milk and newborns,she already picked a dress that won’t be flattering to a large-chested person (IMO, I guess, but it’ll look like a wall of fabric).  So she wasn’t taking you into account from the start.  Now add in all the details of reality and you’re still doing whatever you can to make this work without a lick of help from her – what kind of friend is she?

And no, don’t wear another top under the first one – it’s a pain in the ass removing everything to pump, adding on a pumping bra, trying not to drip on your clothes, etc.  Just NO

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