Post # 1
This is kind of a touchy subject, so please bear with me. My father (a textbook narcissist, and an emotionally/verbally abusive jerk) will not be attending our wedding in October. He has said it multiple times, and I am no longer in contact with him because reasons (aka my mental health just doesn’t permit it).
So come October, we’ll obviously not be having a father/daughter dance. My fiance and his mom will definitely be dancing, so I guess my question is….what do I do instead? Will it be awkward to have my Fiance and his mum dance and then me not do one?
I’m having my mom walk me down the aisle (she offered and is really excited to do so). Has anyone asked a grandparent? (I only have one living grandfather and we’ve always had a good relationship). I’m just feeling a range of emotions right now and I don’t know what to do.
Post # 2
It won’t be awkward if you don’t do one. Just sit with your wedding party or stand off to the side during the mother-son dance. I really think you are overthinking it.
You can ask a replacement if you want but it’s not necessary. It’s really not a huge deal to skip it.
Post # 3
- Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada
I don’t think you’ll feel awkward at all! As long as those 2 don’t mind being the center of attention for a minute. If you have another relative or friend to dance with you, go for it. If you’re a confident bride grab your mom! It’s 2016 you can dance with anyone who makes you happy or no one at all. A LOT of brides skip the parent dance.
Post # 4
I think if I was in your situation I would just stand out and enjoy watching my husband dance with the woman that made him the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Post # 5
Sweet! I’ve never been a position to witness the bride not dancing with someone so I wasn’t sure logistically if it’s a possibility.
Awesome, thank you!
Thanks for the perspective! I don’t have an issue with this at all (I might just end up crying though – I’m very very easily moved).
My Fiance was worried that I’d feel left out and suggested he also not do a dance, but I definitely want him and his mum to have their moment.
Post # 6
There’s so much freedom on this.What do you want to do? That’s really it for making the call.
We nixed both parental dances because I’m not close with my Dad or stepdad and didn’t want the drama. DH thought it would be weird to dance with his mom, so we just danced with each other and called it a day.
That being said, if there’s someone who’s been a strong parental figure for you and you’d like to honor them by having a special dance with him/her, then go for it! If not, grab a glass of champagne and just enjoy their dance!
Post # 7
TBH I think I want to just sit back and not worry about it. Besides my mom I don’t really have a strong parental figure, and she’s already mentioned she doesn’t want to get up there and dance (which is totally cool).
I guess I’m sort of feeling like since it’s not common knowledge yet that I have gone no contact with my father, I’m a little worried about what people are going to say (not just about the dance, but about him being absent the entire day). It’s still all very new to me, and to be frank, it scares the shit out of me. I’ve never had the opportunity to just do what I want, so now that Fiance and I are getting married I’m kinda like “What do you mean I have the freedom to do this? What are this?” It’s not a great excuse, but I’m learning.
Post # 8
It’s fine, don’t sweat the small stuff! Having a million special dances can get kind of boring for the guests anyway. If you do want to do one with a grandparent it would be super cute but otherwise just relax. No one will really notice or it’ll just be a fleeting thought. Far more dramatic things happen at some weddings!!
Post # 9
We decided not to do one. My dad is an alcoholic who is constantly trying to get back in my life, but I demand an AA chip first. I did consider Dancing with my Future Father-In-Law or FI’s Grandpa (who is walking me down the asile, the sweet man 🙂 ) but I think it is just best not to do it, for my mental health.
Post # 10
Do whichever fits you best, but it’s perfectly fine to skip out on it and have the moment for fi just with his mum. We decided only to have a first dance, I couldnt see our mothers wanting to dance with us and my dad passed years ago and his isnt coming.
Post # 11
My husbands mother died when he was 11. So 15 years later at our wedding he didn’t feel like “replacing” his mother just to do the dance.
You do what you feel comfortable with, if you’d like to dance with you’re grandfather then you do it. But only if that’s something you’d like to do.
His sister in law was adament on doing it with him and he told her no. I had my dance with my father and we just skipped the mother/son dance at my husband’s request. People don’t ask questions, they knew she was passed on because we mentioned it in the wording of our invitations.