Post # 1
So me and my boyfriend have been together ((off and on)) for ten years. I am 26, and we met in highschool. He gave me a promise ring in high school then he left and went into the airforce and did not talk to me for a long time. When I eventually heard from him again we picked up where we left off, but that had been after dating for four years already-at that point i was already feeling anxious to be married.
Over the years I learned to deal with the fact that he would ask me when it was time and when he felt right but I wont lie, I started to get really impatient. I broke up with him a few times because I felt our relationship was going nowhere, but we always ended up coming back to each other.
Now that hes back in georgia ((which is where I live, he left georgia for a few years and we had a long distance relationship)) We moved in together about a year ago. He told me before we moved in “I’m going to make you my wife one day, I hope you know that” But still, I feel like these are empty words with empty promises.
Over the past year of living together (the first year weve ever lived together), we have had ups and downs. We have had several really bad fights and a few times I did not think we would make it through-but we always did. So at this point, I dont know what to think. I want to be married but I feel like he does not want me anymore but is that stupid? IS it stupid to feel unwanted because weve been together ten years and he still hasnt felt like he wanted to take the next step?
Sorry for the long post, I just had a lot to ay. Please let me know your thoughts.
Post # 2
Youve known each other 10 years but it doesnt sound like youve been together 10 years. It doesnt sound like your relationship is ready for marriage.
Post # 3
Have you actually sat down and had an open, adult discussion with him about everything you’re saying here?
Post # 4
yes I have and it always ends the same. He says “I like to plan things” Yada yada ya, but he’s been saying that a long time.
Post # 5
If he isn’t proposing and won’t give you a timeline, it’s probably because he is not ready to commit to you.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
Sounds like you’re 26 and young, and need someone new who’s willing to stick around and commit. I realize you have feelings for him, but it sure as hell doesn’t sound like he wants to settle down and you’re not going to be able to convince him otherwise.
Post # 7
If you want me to be completely honest here, I feel like you guys are playing “fillers” to each other.
He went into the Air Force, presumably while you were still together, and you didn’t speak for a long time and then all of a sudden he contacts you.
You break up with him because you feel like the relationship is headed nowhere and then you get back together with no change in the nature of your relationship and no new promises to the future.
He won’t settle on a timeline because he doesn’t want to marry you but he comes back after you break up because he doesn’t want to be alone. You allow him to return even though nothing has changed because you view him as your quickest route to marriage. In the end you want commitment and he’s not delivering. Go find someone who wants to commit to you.
Post # 8
It’s not a good idea to marry someone with whom you’ve had “several bad fights” just in the past year.
Post # 9
the fact that you guys have had ‘really bad fights’ and have broken up several times is a clear indicator that your communication with each other is weak at best and your conflict resolution is also weak.
You’re 26. Do you really want to marry someone you can’t resolve problems with?
Saying and doing are two different things. What actions has he done to prove that he is husband material? Why is your life betting on what he dictates? What do YOU want in life?
It’s been 10 years, don’t you think that’s long enough to get it together?
Breaking up and getting back together is unhealthy. If you marry him, what actions have you all done to make it different this time?
Getting married is a big commitment. What is the purpose of getting married at this point?
If you’re not happy in your relationship, it’s time to buck up and move on with your life for real this time.
OR put a consious effort on conflict resolution by doing things differently. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
So you have to read, go to counseling (by yourself), research, hone in, go away and find yourself. Who are you without your partner? What is the purpose of getting married?
If you don’t know the answers, then you’re not ready. It just sounds like in my opinion a long case of ’round hole square peg’.
Sorry Bee, I hope you figure it out.