(Closed) Forgiving your fiancé for flirting(or cheating?)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

Wait your “intitial stage” of dating was January 15 (although not “fixed”) and you are married now? And you get mad about texts that he sent to girl a WEEK after you started getting together? I am sorry, but I have to ask how old you are. I don’t really have any advice, but it seems like you rushed it a little wih this marriage…

Post # 3
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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apizlope:  I know you want advice but honestly you should be looking for counseling (Couples or marriage maybe).  The Bee is great but random opinions won’t fix your problem..you might be even more confused after reading what everyone (who doesn’t know you) has to say. 

 

Post # 4
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Did anything physical happen between he and the other girl?

What helped me is talking about my feelings with my SO. Anytime my insecurities or trust issues came up, I’d talk about them. If not, they’d fester and I’d have delusions that he was cheating again. Having access to his phone, and counseling also helped. And then just time. 

Post # 5
Member
2594 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Um, why are you trying to ‘come to terms’ with this all on your own? 

It appears that his actions–HIS actions–caused serious doubts in you. And of course they would. Maybe you weren’t being honest with yourself the first time around, but that doesn’t mean you have to atone for that by thinking this is your problem to deal wtih. It’s not. You need to talk to HIM about this and ask for him to help you get over it. IF you can’t get him to contribute to repairing your relationship and your trust, this is not a person to marry. 

PS–I’m a little lost because your syntax is a little garbled. So, he cheated on you a year ago, then texted with the girl he cheated with for six months, now it’s been six months and you’re getting married in a few months? Or are you already married? 

Post # 6
Member
2256 posts
Buzzing bee

Nothing is “fixed” in life, especially when you are talking about cheating behaviors. You may have a ring on your hand, you may be engaged, but to him it’s not “fixed.” It obviously means nothing to him. And I would wager to guess you don’t mean much to him if he’s disrespecting you like this.

Break it off. I agree with 

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Buymymixtape: , you rushed this engagement. Especially when a guy you just started dating doesn’t have the decency to date one person at a time. You really do like that phrase… “fixed”.

It seems to forgive him his indescretion in the first occurrence because nothing was “official”. Well, call me crazy, but I don’t think you should double dip when you’re dating unless you say “I’m still dating other people, is that ok?”

I don’t think he truly cares for you, otherwise he wouldn’t be doing this. I am sorry if I sound harsh, but you deserve better.

Post # 7
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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Buymymixtape:  I think by saying her marriage is fixed she means they have a wedding date set in a few months (judging by her last comments).

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apizlope:  So if I have your timeline straight, you started dating your Fiance in Jan. 2015 and 6 months later you found out he was texting another girl early on in your relationship when you weren’t exclusive.  This isn’t considered cheating.  You had just started dating.  Unless you say you’re not going to talk or see anyone else from the first date, my personal opinion it that you’re allowed to do just that.  That’s what dating is.  A lot of guys I know gave the early cuddle and sexy talks.  When you first start getting to know someone you have to take that with a grain of salt.

He chose you in the end and that’s what matters.  He’s marrying YOU, not the girl he sent the lovey dovey emogiis to.  If you’re having issues with letting this go you need to seek some help.

Post # 8
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Until you figure this out do not marry him.  Until you feel like you have actually forgiven him…not just said “I forgive you”, but have legitimately forgiven him.  This has already eaten away at you for months and months.  If you don’t figure it out now you will continue to have issues and it will sabotage your upcoming marriage.  It sounds like you don’t have much trust in him either, if this continues to eat away at you.  That isn’t a way to start a marriage.

Although I will say — and I don’t mean this to be harsh — if this all happened before you even were officially boyfriend/girlfriend, you should not hold this against him.  If you had not agreed to be exclusive, he had every right to talk to other girls.

Post # 9
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

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SnowInApril:  Yeah I noticed that too and then looked at the wedding date. It just sounded a bit confusing; in her first paragraph it sounded like they were already married. 

Post # 10
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

In my opinion, until you both agree that you are in an exclusive relationship, you are both free to date others. So I am not quite understanding why you feel he cheated when it sounds like this was when you first met and you weren’t a couple yet. 

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