(Closed) Forgo the engagement ring?

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
2235 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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pyrefly:  Love that gold band! A friend of one wears her late father’s plain yellw gold wedding band that looks similar to the one in he picture. It’s weathered to an almost brushed finish and is substantial. It looks gorgeous. 

Post # 17
61 posts
Worker bee

If it isn’t important to you to have one skip it! I personally could care less about one. We got engaged just by talking about it and agreeing it was time. My fiance feels like it’s important to him to give me one, so I picked out something I liked. Still waiting… 😛 

Post # 18
3 posts
  • Wedding: January 2016

I registered to weddingbee to reply to your thread since this was also something I really wrestled with (first world problems I guess!).

We had planned to forgo the engagement ring because it didn’t really make sense for us as we weren’t having a traditional engagement or wedding.

However, I couldn’t shake this let-down feeling I had about not having a ring.  I felt pretty silly about it at first, especially since I was the one who was against getting a ring in the first place.  But I realized I put a lot of value into the symbolism of the engagement and wedding rings, maybe moreso because I don’t normally wear much jewelry.  We are also in our late 20s and are now in established careers, so it wasn’t a constraint financially (which it would have been a few years ago).

So tl;dr = if an engagement ring is important to you, don’t try to reason yourself out of it!  It won’t work!  The heart wants what it wants 🙂  IMO, there’s nothing wrong with waiting if you and your fiance are on the same page about that.  But do talk to him about it – since I know resentment can brew otherwise.

Post # 19
1157 posts
Bumble bee

I didn’t want a clunky solitaire ring but my boyfriend insisted on buying me a ring, so I let him buy a fairly cheap 5-stone eternity ring with rubies and diamonds. Less annoying than a solitaire because I wanted to wear it every day and I’m clumsy with my hands. If the symbol is what is important to you, you could always just pick up a really cheap (like $30) ring from somewhere – no one will notice the difference in passing but you will still look “engaged”. 

Bought us 2 very plain gold bands from amazon for our wedding rings – £100 for both of them. I agree with pp about how the gold band just screamed “married” to me. 

Now we’re married I’m letting him buy me a solitaire ring for our anniversary – I am allowed to take off all other rings now I’ve got the wedding ring. 😉

Post # 20
1099 posts
Bumble bee

It kind of sounds like you want one, but he would rather not spend the money right now. If that’s the case, maybe you can buy a cheap stand-in (I’ve heard good things about Berricle), and create a custom one for an anniversary? Or make a custom setting with a moissanite or small diamond and upgrade later? Or, if it’s really important for you, go over your wedding budget and forgo something to help offset the costs.

But it’s totally fine to not have an engagement ring. When my DH proposed, the main reasons I loved my engagement ring because it’s gorgeous and the idea of an engagement ring just seems romantic. Now, a bit over a year later, I love my ring because it reminds me of the happiest time we had as a couple (the months surrounding our engagement were really happy for other reasons), and because it’s a kind of keepsake for our commitment and everything we’ve been though while sticking together. Everyone places different meaning on their ring, but for me, it wouldn’t have made a difference if it was a “promise” ring.

Post # 21
4811 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I originally opted out of an ering. For many reasons, but mostly because we had and wanted a short engagement (2 1/2 months) and it made more sense to me to put money towards the wedding and our life together than a ring. I also did not want to feel rushed to have “something” as nothing I found was quite what I wanted. I did not typically wear jewelery, eapecially daily, so I also felt a bit overwhelmed. I just remember feeling an e-ring was not important to me at the time. We did get some pretty sapphire & diamond wedding bands.

I did get a more e-ring like ring custom made almost 3 years after we were married (had to replace my wedding band) and like it a lot as it is definitely my style and different than anything I could have found leading up to my wedding, but I actually wear a plainer matching band(s) most of the time, and when I do wear it my ering most often finds itself on my right hand (band on the left). I don’t feel more or less married when I wear my rings, or don’t, or when I did ‘t have an ering, or when I did. 

So, do what you want and what works now. Besides, it is certainly not like you can NEVER get a fancier e-ring ring if you don’t get one NOW.

Post # 22
54 posts
Worker bee

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Drizzle:  Good eye! That band is  an old (very!) one too, from the 1920s. It is 22ct and made in England. I also love the finish it has developed and that it is solid and hefty. I found it on Etsy and sadly, now it is sold :'( Have to find something similar to that.

 youremyfavorite2016: I do hope you’ll get what you’re looking for 🙂 If buying an engagement ring now is causing so much stress, then I think it’s best to go ahead with your current plan. It’s not a nice feeling to look down on your ring and be reminded of all the stress and negativity.  Like others have said, you can always get a nice ring later on when you’re comfortable enough. All the best! What kind of wedding band are you planning to get btw?

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