Post # 1
So my mom just called me today and asked if I remembered to invite my aunt to my wedding two months ago. I must’ve forgot, because she says she never got an invitation. I had a lot going on in my life besides the wedding in the months leading up to the wedding and so I was not all there.
Here’s where it gets tricky: My aunt is actually not my aunt. She married and then divorced my uncle a few years before he died 6 years ago. I’ve only met her once. She has two kids with my uncle, the youngest of whom I’ve never met, and the older one was a baby when I met her. I haven’t seen my aunt in 12 years.
No one has any hard feelings against her for leaving my uncle since he was an alcoholic. She brings the kids up from FL to VA every year to visit my grandmother, so my mom sees her about once a year. They are up there visiting now, and apparently my aunt didn’t even realize I got married.
I feel awful. My mom gave me a big lecture about how my cousins are just as much my cousins as the ones on my dad’s side. (Who are my age, not 15 years younger!) So now my mom wants me to Skype (I live on the other side of the country) tomorrow with my aunt/cousins and explain how I forgot to invite them.
How do you do that??
Post # 3
Before you do anything:
did your parents give you a list? Did you ask them to check over it?
I think skyping to explain the situation is a bit ridiculous honestly.
Post # 4
If she didn’t even realize you had gotten married, gotten word of it during the engagement, or causually heard your wedding was coming up, it doesnt sound like she’s very close to you or the family in general. I really don’t think it deserves an explaination.
Post # 5
It sounds like your mom has the issue…. I’d let your mom explain, not you – since she’s the one that’s all worked up about it.
Post # 6
I asked my mom to check over her list about 100 times and to make sure there was no one else from her side of the family she wanted to invite. A month before the wedding she did email me and ask me to invite her. I forgot; I admit it. Granted, work was crazy at the time. And not, oh, I’ve got a big project due crazy. I work at a homeless shelter and one of my coworkers got stabbed and then someone threatened to “rearrange my face” a week later. So, um, I was a little distracted.
They are really great people, and she is really sweet to make sure her kids have a relationship with their grandmother. I just don’t really know them. I’ll still skype to say hi, but I don’t want to get into how I forgot to invite them….
Post # 7
Well, three of our wedding invites were actually lost in the mail, so that could have happened here.
And, if you’ve only met her once and aren’t close to her, I really don’t see the issue with her not having been invited.
Post # 8
Ugh. Ummm I would skip that conversation. If you haven’t seen this person in 12 years I certainly don’t think you owe her any sort of an explanation. I think you should try to explain that to your mom again. I certainly wouldn’t put myself into an awkward Skype call just to satisfy mom! She didn’t even realize until two months had passed, so why is it all of a sudden a big deal?!
Post # 9
I don’t think she is upset, just my mom is. It’s her brother’s kids, and they are really the only family she has left on that side so I think she gets sensitive.
Post # 10
I think I’d write a nice note, or let your mom handle it. I definitely wouldn’t make a conference call about it.
Post # 11
Are you sure you forgot them? Just because she didn’t get an invitation doesn’t mean you didn’t send one – my sister got her invite three weeks ago, and I sent it last APRIL! I think it’s kind of ridiculous that your mom is trying to make you Skype and apologize. Did she tell you to invite them, or look at the guest list? Send a note.
Post # 12
skip the skype. Your mom sounds like the only one who is truly upset over this. If she is the one with the problem, then let her do the explaining if it means so much to her. You hardly know this aunt, it shouldn’t be considered a family crisis because she wasn’t invited.
Post # 13
I would say that you need to make your mom feel better (if she is the one that is hurt) but ask her if she could be the one to talk to your aunt about it. I think that she will understand once she has some distance, weddings bring out the crazy in people sometimes. I would give your mom sincere aoplogies, mail in invite if she thinks it is important and ask her to handle the explaination since she is obviously closer with her than you are,
Post # 14
I don’t see a problem with giving them a call / calling them on skype. It’s awkward but I think it’s polite, it seems a lot more heartfelt than just sending a note or an email
Post # 15
To appease your mom, could you maybe just send a note/card explaining what happened? Or have your mom do it?You could say something to the effect of:
“Oh Aunt ____, I am so sorry to have excluded you from my wedding. As I am sure you know, the planning of a wedding can often be hectic. Not only was the planning hectic, but there were certain situations with my job that even took precedence over my actual wedding plans. I hope this was not taken as a slight to you or your family. I honestly would have loved for you to be there.” Maybe you could send her a picture?
The ksype thing seems unnecessary as no ones feelings are hurt except apparently your mother’s. I think a note would honestly please everyone in the situation.
Post # 16
i would just say the invite got lost in the mail.