Post # 1
Hi everyone –
My fiance and I are having a very very strange problem. His parents offered to be very generous with helping with the wedding and our new house. We didn’t ask them for money; they offered it. We spoke about it clearly and specifically twice and we were very grateful. Now his parents are claiming that they never said that they were giving us $X and they don’t remember either conversation. They are giving us one-third of X. Again, we never asked them for this money, but they offered it (twice), and we budgeted around it. We’ve already signed contracts, so we’re kind of screwed. (I’m sure we can figure things out and cut some things out of our budget, but this is a LOT of money to suddenly go missing.)
We’re out of town right now, so we can’t talk about it face to face but are going to talk to them when we get back.
I’m just dumbfounded and don’t quite know what to do other than speak to them about where and when these conversations happened.
Has anyone else ever had a problem like this?!
Post # 3
i think you really need to let you fiance handle this one. do his parents have a history of going back on their promises? is it possible that with the economic downturn, they are now unable to afford the full amount but are too embarrassed to say so? whatever you do, stay out of it and let your fiance do all the talking. you definitely don’t want to look like the greedy FDIL, that will not bode well for your future relationship with your in-laws.
sorry to hear about your dilemma! just as a precaution, i wouldn’t count on receiving any money from them, just in case they "forget" again.
Post # 4
Oh my goodness I am in the same mess you are! Except his mother offered us money and now 5 months before the wedding she say’s she has no money to help us with. Now his father is also claiming to be broke although, he is going to still contribute. It is very difficult because it was also offered to us and now she completely backed out. We were also counting on that money and now I think I have to cut the menue down to help out with the money that she was suppose to give us. There is nothing we can say or do because you cannot make people give you money that they just don’t have. I really feel for you it is the last thing you and money is the biggest stress factor!
Post # 5
I’m going to offer you some advice, and I’m not sure if it applies to your situation, but I hope you take it to heart.
This is a red flag. It seems clear to me you were told X amount, and now your in-laws are both having a memory lapse (also known as lying). Generally, I would say roll with the punches, it’s a bad economy- try to be understanding and not get down. However, I was married in August and ignored a lot of red flags, one very much like this, and I am now having regrets (even though my husband is wonderful).
I would sit down and figure out whether or not you want to deal with your in-laws for the rest of your life, and while you’re at it I highly suggest looking at your fiance’s credit report. I wish someone would have told me this while I was having similar problems with my in-laws.
Post # 6
Thank you. Everything seems to be resolved now. I found out that, the day my fiance found out about this, both elderly members of the family had each had a serious health crisis which his parents had been dealing with all day, so I’m not sure how clearly anyone was thinking. His parents are really embarrassed and say that they’ll honor whatever it was they originally said. They want to all talk about it together, so we’ll see what happens.
Luckily, we just bought a house, so I had the opportunity to see my fiance’s lovely credit report – I wish he hadn’t seen mine, which is not so lovely 😉
I think it is important though to always put important things like this in writing, or at least bring it up again a few days later to make sure everyone’s on the same page. We can now use this misunderstanding as an "excuse" to be painfully clear about these things in the future.
I’m really sorry that others are in this situation too and hope it works out.