(Closed) Formal wedding invites drama!!!!! T_T

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

eeerika22:  Wow you are really caught in the middle if your mom insists on being on the invitation, “together with their families” is not good enough, but your Fiance doesn’t want his parents names on it. 

Can it say something to the effect of “Mr. and Mrs. ___ invite you to witness the marriage of their daughter eeerika22 and their future son-in-law (FI’s name)”

That’s about the only way I can think of to have them introduce you both on the invite without including his parents.  

Post # 18
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It’s too bad your fiance wasn’t willing to let your parents stand out a bit, deservedly, since they are paying for the wedding, and it’s too bad your mom, when confronted with your fiance’s decision, couldn’t share how it made her feel but go along with it for the sake of family harmony.

Honestly though, I think your fiance is in the wrong. Just because his family is distant doesn’t mean your family shouldn’t be rightfully honored when they are gifting you a ton of money to host your wedding party.

Can you not do something like this on the invitation?:

Mrs. Momeeerika and Mr. Dadeeerika

and Eeerika’sfiance’s Family

invite you to celebrate the marriage of their children,

EEERIKA and EEERIKA’S FIANCE

This way, your parents are kind of singled out by being first, and by being individually named, but his family is not left out entirely. You could also put your mom and dad’s names in larger font than your fiance’s family.

 

Post # 21
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We had a similar situation. Completed our invitations and then Future Mother-In-Law went apesh*T that FI’s father, who has been deceased for 10 years, was not mentioned on the invite. His mom has remarried so we did put the new husband’s name on there but she found that very insulting. Our ultimate solution was to redo invites for her side of the family that included everyone’s names on them and then just sent the originals to my family and our friends only. So my recommendation is to consider doing two versions of the invite: one for momma’s family that momma is happy with and then one that makes the most sense for you to everyone else. Good luck!

Post # 22
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

How about something like: Mr. and Mrs.Bride invite you to share in the joy of the marriage uniting Bride and Groom.

Post # 23
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

eeerika22:  I’m amazed over the big deal parents make over things like this. My mom went as far as saying my late father’s brothers and sisters wouldn’t come if his name wasn’t on the invite. Sigh.

Post # 24
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

My Future Mother-In-Law expressed some disappointment in our wording, but they are not paying for the wedding.  We have a similarly sticky situation since my fiance’s family is “normal” (Mom and Dad are married), while my family is slightly more complicated.  (Mom, stepfather, ex-stepfather, and biological father)  We decided to use, “Together with their families,” because it doesn’t make his parents look like they are paying for our wedding, and it also doesn’t introduce any awkwardness due to my side of the family.<br /><br />Maybe there is some other way you could honor your mother?  Are you doing programs, how about your wedding website? 

Post # 25
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

eeerika22:  We did <br />blah blah blah wedding of

Mrs Boo

daughter of (my parents)

to

Mr Boo

Son of

(his mom and stepdad)

(his dad)

 

His parents did not contribute, other than adding drama, but we did want to make things look even. Plus I find it really hard to imagine that guests care who paid for what. You know?

Post # 26
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I didn’t even think of how it may effect my parents to not include them on the invitation…

We are paying for the wedding ourselves for the most part. But I suppose I need to talk to all the parents and see what they think. both sets of my parents chipped in. We aren’t sure if his parents are going to at all or not… (they are involved in his life and everything, just so far they haven’t offered, but they may).

Good luck!

Post # 27
Member
3875 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

eeerika22:  We are doing something along the lines of

“My parents are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter

MrsMeowton to MrMeowton

son of his parents…”

However, I’m not sure if his parents will be on the invite seeing as they are not helping out with the wedding at all and aren’t really involved/interested in the process. 

Post # 28
Member
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m actually pretty surprised that your mother is kicking up such a fuss when she’s not paying for the majority of the wedding.  Contributing toward a few items does not entitle you to the title of “host” and as such, “together with their families” should suffice.  I would say exactly that to her.  And then I would offer to thank her and your dad in the wedding program – show her the wording that you propose to use and see if that calms her down.

I understand how your fiance feels – it’s a tough situation to be in.

Post # 29
Member
6107 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

Use “together with their families” and be done with it. Your mom and Fiance both need to get over themselves. It’s a good compromise.

Post # 30
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

eeerika22:  you made an agreement with your Fiance and then let your mom fully reopen it to discuss with him instead if telling her you two had already decided and would talk to her about it later.

My parents helped us out w some things (about 1% of total budget or the price of cake or favors, we covered the rest) and they were very supportive and my husband had lots of drama w his parents (who didn’t give us anything and said they weren’t coming), so we didn’t list any parents’ names in the invitations. I made sure to thank my parents publicly and effusively during our thank you toast, on our website, and privately in our thank you note to them after the wedding. You could also list something in the programs in an acknowledgment section.

There are many options for resolving this, but you should stop making agreements with your Fiance then leaving him feeling high and dry to debate with your mother. That isnt a good pattern for your future marriage or for your FI’s relationship w your mom. Once you two decide, you decide. Stick to it, put on your big girl panties, and support your decision and find another way to resolve your mom’s issues that doesn’t also hurt your Fiance. 

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