Foud out something

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

i think he might surprise you and managed to squirrel away some money without you knowing. i know i used to wonder if my guy had started saving, especially after seeing him pay for plane tickets to visit me or expensive computer equipment for himself and his business but apparently during that time he had been putting some money aside for the ring as well. perhaps your guy has found some extra cash that you haven’t been aware of aside.

if he says he knows when he plans on asking you, then have faith that he has started the fund to pay for the ring. just because you don’t see it happening doeesn’t mean its not happening at all.

Post # 34
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@Anxiouspeanut:  Yeah I can see how that has worked in my life to where you just stop worrying about something and it ends up working out for you… I have to start to do that again.

Lol – that’s how I ended up with my Boyfriend or Best Friend in the frist place.  I’d pretty much given up on my high school and early college crushes because I’d relaized they were silly and “safe” because I knew nothing would come from it – I felt so much the ugly duckling who never became a swan that I figured I’d never meet anyone – then a week later we started talking more, and I figured I had nothing to lose – we’ve been together (longer than I care to say since we’re not yet married – people treat me like there’s something wrong with me/us) since that April. 

All I ahve to say is that you’ve gotten to a place where he’s given you far more input than many ladies on this board ever get – he’s said he wants to marry you, he hasn’t said anything about NOT being able t keep to it, even with a bout of unemployment.  I’m sure that somehow he’s been working towads it, and since it’s such a dang important thing to the man for it to be a surprise, I’m sure he’d have found a way to finagle the money without you knowing – hell, when a surprise is really important to me to plan, I make darn sure the receipient doesn’t know anything – I have things mailed to friends’ houses, sneak away from work for a few minutes to take care of things (with supervisor permission, of course), and comminucate via private channels.  I also tend to plan way ahead for birthdays and Christmas, to make sure if option one fails, option two will still be on standby..

So, I trust your SO to ahve soemting planned, and executable – try, try, try to relax.  All you have to do is say, “Yes.”  He’s got the hard part.  make it as easy as you can by stepping back and not worrying.

Post # 36
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@Anxiouspeanut: will it help if I let out that I’ve been waiting for about 5 years now, and we’ve been together (gasp) 15, since sphomore year of college?  I’d known he’d never enterain marraige until he hit 30, and for the most part acepted it, but it still caused me to get weepy, and fights over “just a piece of paper”.  His attitude has slowly changed, and I’m afraid a lot of the time now, he feels HE’S the one who’s not good enough for marriage, which of course makes ME feel the same way since it hasn’t happened.  He finally told me this fall that he saw it happening in maybe 2 years, which is more than I’ve ever heard before – it was like rainbows popped out of the sky with singing unicorns!

Wiating is hard, no matter who you are, so don’t beat yourself up.  I’ve felt that way off and on for a long time, but I still love him and I stay because of that.  Guys REALLY don’t get how much this is on our minds.  I had a discussion today with my Boyfriend or Best Friend about business correspondence and how much I HATE the term “Ms.” – he was writing a letter and was unsure about the honorific.  All I could think of was, “Gosh, I’d really like to be a ‘Mrs.’, not a ‘Ms.'”  Men are treated about the same in most situations, married or unmarried.  Elderly aunts might tease them for being bachelors, but it’s no where near the same thing a woman faces – she’s treated as a ‘failure’ by many for not ‘catching’ a husband.  People treat wives A LOT better than ‘just girlfriends.’

If there is a longer lady-in-waiting, I’d really love to hear from her because although I’d love to be married and yet have pretty much (internally) decided to stay regardless of if it ever happens, it’s REALLY hard to see so many people who’ve been togeher less time (and in our case, it’s everyone) move forward.  I freaked out this fall because one couple who’d only been together 9 mos, and are only 1 year older than us annouced their engagement and their wedding dat for June.  Another, who had been engaged for 3 years but had to put off the wedding were so encouraged by this, they just got married last weekend.  BF’s little brother proposed to his Girlfriend of 10 years that same month last fall.  3 girls from work got engaged at that time, too, one after only dating 6 months, another after dating 4 – none of them had hit a year, yet.  Another got enaged at work, later, and another 2 weeks ago.  My older 1/2 brother is proposing in a month or so – he stammers trying to politely ask me if we’re ever getting married.  Another couple got engaged V-day.  Sigh. 

I’d kinda like to be in your shoes right now, with a definitive, “yes, I am planning something,” instead of a ,”maybe when I’m ready to adopt?”  I think there was a poll a few weeks back, and most Bees agreed it’s better to wait knowing you’re waiting for soemthing, than to just wait for…..maybe.

Sorry for ranting – I know you’re anxious, but at least you ahve soemthing to go on, and a man who’s working on making a proposal for you, even when many guys would have used the job loss as a ready-made excuse to delay, or even back out of his promise.  Just hang in there – you’ll be fine.  I reccommend finding something very physical and exhausting to do to distract you – take up a new exercise, like Zumba, or take a spin at mowing the lawn or soemthing taxing – when the body is busy getting exhausted and concrentrating on not falling over, the brain can give you a rest.

Post # 39
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Isilme: Don’t feel bad, I’ll be close to 32 on my wedding day!  ;D

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