@Anxiouspeanut: will it help if I let out that I’ve been waiting for about 5 years now, and we’ve been together (gasp) 15, since sphomore year of college? I’d known he’d never enterain marraige until he hit 30, and for the most part acepted it, but it still caused me to get weepy, and fights over “just a piece of paper”. His attitude has slowly changed, and I’m afraid a lot of the time now, he feels HE’S the one who’s not good enough for marriage, which of course makes ME feel the same way since it hasn’t happened. He finally told me this fall that he saw it happening in maybe 2 years, which is more than I’ve ever heard before – it was like rainbows popped out of the sky with singing unicorns!
Wiating is hard, no matter who you are, so don’t beat yourself up. I’ve felt that way off and on for a long time, but I still love him and I stay because of that. Guys REALLY don’t get how much this is on our minds. I had a discussion today with my Boyfriend or Best Friend about business correspondence and how much I HATE the term “Ms.” – he was writing a letter and was unsure about the honorific. All I could think of was, “Gosh, I’d really like to be a ‘Mrs.’, not a ‘Ms.'” Men are treated about the same in most situations, married or unmarried. Elderly aunts might tease them for being bachelors, but it’s no where near the same thing a woman faces – she’s treated as a ‘failure’ by many for not ‘catching’ a husband. People treat wives A LOT better than ‘just girlfriends.’
If there is a longer lady-in-waiting, I’d really love to hear from her because although I’d love to be married and yet have pretty much (internally) decided to stay regardless of if it ever happens, it’s REALLY hard to see so many people who’ve been togeher less time (and in our case, it’s everyone) move forward. I freaked out this fall because one couple who’d only been together 9 mos, and are only 1 year older than us annouced their engagement and their wedding dat for June. Another, who had been engaged for 3 years but had to put off the wedding were so encouraged by this, they just got married last weekend. BF’s little brother proposed to his Girlfriend of 10 years that same month last fall. 3 girls from work got engaged at that time, too, one after only dating 6 months, another after dating 4 – none of them had hit a year, yet. Another got enaged at work, later, and another 2 weeks ago. My older 1/2 brother is proposing in a month or so – he stammers trying to politely ask me if we’re ever getting married. Another couple got engaged V-day. Sigh.
I’d kinda like to be in your shoes right now, with a definitive, “yes, I am planning something,” instead of a ,”maybe when I’m ready to adopt?” I think there was a poll a few weeks back, and most Bees agreed it’s better to wait knowing you’re waiting for soemthing, than to just wait for…..maybe.
Sorry for ranting – I know you’re anxious, but at least you ahve soemthing to go on, and a man who’s working on making a proposal for you, even when many guys would have used the job loss as a ready-made excuse to delay, or even back out of his promise. Just hang in there – you’ll be fine. I reccommend finding something very physical and exhausting to do to distract you – take up a new exercise, like Zumba, or take a spin at mowing the lawn or soemthing taxing – when the body is busy getting exhausted and concrentrating on not falling over, the brain can give you a rest.