(Closed) Found a bank statement that contradicts what my boyfriend has been telling me

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

OP, have you two agreed that you will merge finances? If not, I would say this is none of your business, but you should still bring up your discovery and your feelings. Just don’t act like you’re entitled to the money as a shared sum to be put toward the wedding. Simply explain how you felt when you found out about the money and ask why he hasn’t mentioned having it. Even if he doesn’t want to share it, people who’re ready for marriage should be open about finances. 

Post # 18
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Maybe that money is earmarked for something else – maybe he needs to use it to help out a relative etc. But he should be willing to discuss it with you. I would bring it up – let him know you found the statement accidently and ask him if it means you can have your future sooner than you hoped – he has to be upfront with you. But try to be understanding to what he says too.

Post # 19
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

it’s his money.

he wants you both to save X amount because he probably doesn’t want to be the one paying for everything when you’re both gonna experience it/use it

 

honestly, I don’t think he has any explaining to you

 

it’s true that THE TWO OF YOU don’t have the money. he has it.

Post # 21
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

(I would have NEVER used savings towards my wedding. my mom and his parents gave us money for it and i only payed for the alcohol. i would have not had a wedding)

Post # 22
Member
854 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

OP, I think you’re jumping to conclusions.  As others have mentioned, he could have earmarked it for something else long before you came into the picture.  It could be his 401K account for all we know.  It’s not your money and he doesn’t have to bring it up to you.  On a practical level, this could be his emergency fund: job loss, car repair, out-of-pocket medical expenses, etc.  Everyone should have one if possible and maybe this is it for him. 

 

Post # 23
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with many PP’s. It’s his money and it’s not shared money…

But I do think it’s important to have a conversation about finances. A lot of marriages fail because of money problems, so you should talk about each of your points of view on how finances should be handled and try to get on the same page.

Post # 24
Member
9164 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

He probably hasn’t mentioned it because he is afraid he will be pressured into using his hard earnt savings for the wedding.

Post # 25
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

-commenting to follow

Post # 28
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

View original reply
@bebero: +1. I’m a saver and I would be really upset if my partner felt entitled to money I saved on my own. I do think it’s important to talk about finances, but OP needs to approach it calmly without accusation. Regardless of how much money he saved on his own, it’s reasonable for him to want the two of you to save a certain amount together.

Post # 29
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
@GirlPower:  see that’s a huge problem if you put your savings into a joint account and he didn’t. I disagree with PPs saying it’s his money only. If you have merged finances and are agreeing on that, this is not ok. 

Post # 30
Member
11389 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think you should just ask him what it’s for, and be prepared to accept his answer since he doesn’t have to contribute his savings toward the wedding, etc. 

 

Eta: I just saw your update. That isn’t right. If you put all of your money in joint account, you are not on the same page.

Post # 31
Member
9164 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@GirlPower:  But were the amounts comparable? And when you merged finances did you both contribute/start off with the same amount invested?

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