Even if he didn’t have a SPECIFIC goal in mind, it was considerably more than what she was contributing. He was protecting HIMSELF. It would be the same advice we would give any female bee here – to protect herself! And, they’re NOT married. They’re NOT even ENGAGED. They’re just dating and working towards a goal. That’s great, but they could break up and walk out of each other’s lives in an instant. OP wanted to contribute her savings. He didn’t. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have been open about it, but I am saying she has no right to be pissed about it and she has no right to his savings. He doesn’t have to contribute all that money. It’s his and rightfully so.
This response is normal. He purposely hid the money from you and has been caught. Of course he’s trying to deflect blame. Maybe it’s not the best response, but he told you that he wanted to WORK TOGETHER towards ONE GOAL and you are forcing his own money into that goal now by drawing attention to the money. That’s why I didn’t think you had a right to say anything until you were actually engaged.
I’m sorry, but I think HE was smart for keeping it separate and YOU wanted to contribute as much as you could bc it was important for you to reach that goal quicker. If you had come to me before, I would have told you to keep your savings separate. You have absolutely no legal protection and now he doesn’t on what is RIGHTFULLY his money.
Money is the #1 reason people fight and divorce. You are NOT engaged, NOT married, just dating. You were working towards a goal, but were wrong to think that you had more right to know about his additional money than you actually did. I don’t mean to be harsh, because I understand where you’re coming from. If my Fiance had an extra few grand hiding, I’d be pisssed, but the truth is – he DID. He hid enough money from me to buy a 3tcw ring. And sometimes I get “pissed” about that bc he hid it from me, even with a good intention to buy me a ring, but I may have asked for a smaller diamond so that we can have more money for a wedding, too or something else. But, that was HIS money that HE saved and HE chose to use it towards my ring only. Not the wedding, too. The wedding is less important to him (not the marriage, just the party part), than the ring was. What am I supposed to say? It’s his money! Even with combined finances (we only have 1 joint bank account, all ccs in both our names, and I have 1 additional checking that I am closing soon), he has every right to save money up for another purpose, too. As long as he’s not spending it on something illegal, or squandering it away, or on another woman lol, I don’t think it’s awful. I’m just trying to help you put things in perspective.
I think you need to apologize AND get him to apologize for assuming that you snooped when you stated you found it – he shouldn’t assume you lied about that and he needs to apologize for not trusting you to be honest.