- 4 years ago
First, I want to say that I absolutely adore my fiance and I believe he loves me too.
Second, I want to say that I have a lot of guilt over accidentally reading his email.
Awhile ago his computer broke nad he used my ipad. He signed onto his mail with that and never deleted the account when he moved on. I was using the ipad and went to the mail. We both have gmail and at first I didn’t notice it was his. I got some sports newsletter and hit delete. Moments later I noticed – duh – it was his email.
I went into the trash to see if I could restore the email I deleted.
In the trash was an email from “seductively_mad”…from November, 2012. It was one of 3 emails in his trash bin, and I got nosy and read it. It said “Sorry about yesterday…if you still want to meet up let me know :)”
He responds “no problem. it was short notice. I will try to give you more notice next time I am available.”
She is an escort in the area.
So, obviously we were together in November, 2012. We had moved into a house together a month before that. I thought things were good. I don’t know what happened. He is not a bad guy, at all. He loves me and I know it.
The other part that frustrates me is that if he told me he wanted to do this I probably would have been ok with it. I would have asked questions, but if he wanted to experience something with someone else – or do something with someone else no strings attached, I would have said OK. I’m not prude. We’ve discussed going to vegas, bringing a girl into our bed, letting him be with another woman in a safe environment assuming she was disease free….etc.
What hurts is he had to hide it, and pay for it. And I have no idea how long it was going on. I’d also like to think he’s been safe but I have to admit disease has scared me.
And I have an incredibly high sex drive which means I get shot down a lot. and now i’m left wondering, the times I got shot down, was he not in the mood because he already had something going on earlier? I don’t know. And I just wonder what I’m not giving him that he wants, too.
I don’t even want to confront him about this. I’m scared of his reaction and I am still so guilty about looking over his emails and stuff. I am not one to do that and I honestly had no reason to do that – he has not acted weird around me, unloving, etc. He has been wonderful.
I want to believe he only was looking into it, you know? And never went through with it. Or it hasn’t happened for a long time and it’s over. I want to talk to him about it, but the snooping seems so unfair I am too guilty over it to bring it up.