(Closed) Found an email I shouldn't have. What would you do?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 182
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@beekeeper:  I’m guessing you didn’t read the updates. He’s been with a *lot* of prostitutes and then gets online and gives them a review on the http://www.slutsforsale.com website so other men can figure out whose vagina is the best value for money.

Post # 183
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Rainstorm77:  I went back into the comments, but didn’t see the update you’re referring to. In any case, if that’s true that’s pretty horrible. Her Fiance sounds patholofgical!

 

Post # 184
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@beekeeper:  Posts 37 and 51.. pretty terrible 🙁 

Post # 185
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@anonymousandy:  To respond to your initial question “Found an email I shouldn’t have. What would you do?”

If I were you, I would leave. I wouldn’t think twice about it. You have to love yourself enough to know you deserve better and love yourself enough to leave.

I cannot fathom what you must be going through or how devastating this is for you, but because you asked I’m telling you what I would do if I were in your shoes. Cancel the wedding, cut off all contact with your Fiance and move on towards rebuilding your life. One day you will find someone who loves and respects you as much as you do them.

Your Fiance sounds like a pathological narcissist; and his psychological issues are NOT your responsibility. Focus on your own well-being!

I’m really rooting for you hun. I hope things work out for the better!

Post # 186
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Rainstorm77:  Reading those updates made me feel ill and almost like I had been punched in the stomach (and this ordeal didn’t even happen to me). I feel so badly for her. No one deserves to be treated that way.

Post # 187
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

It is absolutely possible to trust again even after a devestating blow like this. Therapy and communication is a must…..and access to everything until you feel secure and confident again.

Good luck and my best to you.

 

 

 

Post # 188
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

anonymousandy:  Could you just like…stop putting yourself down for a second? Please. I read through this briefly when the thread first popped up but I just caught up, and you talk down about yourself and call yourself names and put yourself down IN EVERY SINGLE POST. Stop it. Stooooooooooop it. Realize your self worth and your value and that you are NOT stupid and NOT a moron and NOT any of the other shit you say about yourself and YOU NEED TO STOP THAT. Whiny, low self-esteem is not attractive, girlfriend, regardless of all the other shit going on. You need to do for YOU. You need to work on YOU. You need to realize WHO YOU ARE and WHAT YOU DESERVE!

Dang, it bugs me. You’re just so terrible to yourself. Get it together. You’re a grown ass adult, who cares what some internet strangers tell you to do on a message board? You obviously handled this the way saw fit and are being a grown up about it. You’ve made your decisions and you’re dealing with the consequences in a mature way. Why is that worth calling yourself names? Sheesh.

Good luck in your future, whatever happens, just make sure you start LOVING YOURSELF. FFS. You can’t do jack shit until you do that.

Post # 190
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

anonymousandy:  “can i stop blaming myself, being hard on myself, etc?  Not yet, but I’m trying.”

Wow, I hope you get there quickly. Once you stop blaming yourself you might start blaming the one person who more than deserves all the blame he can take. Look I’ve been cheated on and I was stupid enough to stick around. The relationship was hell, it was a waste of my time and my energy. Despite knowing that you don’t react to these things the way you think you would, I still don’t know how the hell you’re still with this guy. How can you even be in the same room as him? It baffles me, really, as a woman who in her past has forgiven things she swore up and down that she never would, I still cannot wrap my head around this. 

You know what worries me so much? The way you describe your SO, the things he is saying to you and to the therapist are SO SIMILAR to my ex. Looking back, I have to wonder if he was a sociopath or just a manipulative lying POS. He was damn good at it though. If he’s anything like my ex, your lack of self respect combined with his, whatever it is – will ensure you stay miserably engaged to this man for a long time. Yes, MISERABLY. You might even marry him, have some kids maybe, and by then he’ll know that you’ll never leave him. If you can’t now, you sure as hell wont when you feel even more invested. 

I find it very interesting that you call the prostitutes whores. They didn’t cheat on you, put your health and reputation on the line, they aren’t pathologically lying to you, but they’re the whores. Your SO is a scumbag piece of shit whore. The women who do it for a living have NOTHING on him.

I don’t think you will ever be able to trust him again. I don’t think you would trust him after even 10 years of smooth sailing. Probably best to look more realistically at it – if you stay, you will not trust. Decide how important trust is to you, I guess.  

Post # 191
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee

I guess I don’t understand why you feel guilty even though he might be the one that cheated.  Yeah, you didnt mean to read the email but in that situation, who wouldn’t? It’s not as though you were snooping on purpose. YOu went to retrieve something and saw something inappropriate.

In any event, you need to confront him because you will always wonder about it.  For me, cheating would never be okay, and especially with someone you would have to pay but then again, that’s a personal issue and decision.  Whatever you decide, you have to at least understand the situation and not talking about it is not the solution.

Post # 193
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

“Our only fights have been him getting upset about me blaming myself.  He’s slammed the door on me once when i was posing theories for how it could be something I did. “<br /><br />

If that isn’t low self-esteem/lack of self respect, I don’t know what is. I mean, I might wonder this to myself, momentarily…but it would end there. Even being my idiot past self with my idiot cheating ex, I didn’t wonder to myself for more than a few seconds, nor did I ever wonder it out loud to the person who did it to me, because it’s LUDICROUS that it could be something you did. Think about this. 

Post # 194
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Ummm I a kind of in shock about this whole thing. Do you realize that this man you are living with is sick? That he needs to go to rehab for sex addiction? That if, god forbid, you actually choose to procreate with this man he may start to look at your children in a sick manner and take advantage of them? I hate to go there but these type of men are sick and use prostitutes because they like to feel like the dominant one in charge. Ew Ew Ew! I am sorry you think he is still normal, I am sorry you think it is your fault and I am sorry that you still love him too. Tell someone who knows you both because they will tell you to run! We can’t because you won’t listen obviously but embarass him and your relationship enough and you will finally have a reason to leave this abusive relationship behind. 

SOrry to be mean and blunt but I am sick for you and feel so sad for you. You need to get this man out of your life to start therapy for YOU and figure out your own issues not his. 

Post # 195
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

anonymousandy:  I just want to say I’m so sorry this is happening to you and that you feel the way that do about it (guilty). 

Your updates were painful to read, I cant imagine having to live through them.  I’ve also been hurt in terrible ways, and the pain or chip that you will carry will *always* be in the back of your mind– even when you decide it’s time to move forward. I do wish there would be a way to completely block all the shitty things from our lives, but unfortunately sometimes other people’s choices end up hurting us regardless of what “could have been done”. I do think that even if you want to work this out, that you should move out and spend some time alone. 

I think you have a lot of self-figuring out to do, and living together and attempting to continue life as normal, might only repress the sadness, anger, and bitterness that you really feel. And those feelings will eventually cause you to break.

The topic ‘Found an email I shouldn't have. What would you do?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors