(Closed) Found an email I shouldn't have. What would you do?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

@Bubblesmcgee:  You’re right, I read the OP’s post as the email was shown as sitting in the trash since 2012. Sounds like that is not the case from OP’s follow ups.

Post # 33
Member
1534 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@anonymousandy:  Tell him the truth: that you thought his email was yours and started deleting junk. When you realized it was his, you went to retrieve the trashed mail, and saw something that caught your eye, and you need to talk about it.

Post # 34
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That sucks. I have an open marriage and I would be very hurt and angry if I uncovered what you did. Don’t feel bad about confronting him and don’t let him make the conversation all about that!

Post # 35
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee

This is why sharing your man and being open to threesomes and such is never a good idea. He probably took your “openness” as permission, and will most likely refer to these conversations when you confront him (if you do).

This situation is just sad… I really don’t know how women deal with this. You are so much better than this and you do not have to share your man just to have a man. (You say you are OK with this, but I have a feeling he probably made you be OK with this, from your comment about ‘not being a prude’ – leads me to believe he probably said only prudes would turn their nose up at threesomes (which is totally untrue). I may be wrong though.)

Anyway, I say you should confront him. I don’t understand what you are scared of. So what if he gets defensive? HE IS IN THE WRONG. There is no plausible explanation for this. If it were the other way around, do you think he would be scared or apprehensive about bringing it up to you? I doubt it, because even though he was ‘snooping’, he would have found something way worse than that.

Post # 36
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Girl. Your man was emailing to meet up with ESCORTS. And you think you are in the wrong for accidentally finding out? Noooooo. He stepped out on you- period. Does it have to be a relationship ender? No but it at the VERY least warrants a convo. Having a talk about maybe having a 3 some is a far cry from paying a prostitute for sex. 

Post # 37
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@adayoruba:  while it certainly wouldn’t be my cup of tea, I can well imagine that other people would be fine with trying out stuff I don’t like. So I wouldn’t assume that no woman would actually free to it because she likes it, just because that’s not how I feel. 

Also if he thought he was in the right, I don’t think he’d go and delete emails that are a year old now. He was doing that for a reason. 

to me that sounds a little like “well women that tell their husbands they’re ok with bing spanked in bed – it’s really their fault of their husband gets physically abusive (outside the bed) to them”. 

Post # 39
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

@anonymousandy:  Ugh. He actually posts reviews of escorts? What is he reviewing them for? This is obviously a serious issue on his end. I’m proud of you, you’re handling this like a mature adult. I’m sorry this happened to you. 

Post # 40
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@anonymousandy:  all i can say is I’m so sorry you are in this position and don’t feel like you have to be ok with an open relationship to be the “cool” girlfriend. also, your snooping sounds like it was completely innocent. You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about. Your SO on the other hand has MUCH to feel bad about. If this is outside of your boundaries, it is cheating. Period. I’m so sorry. Please update if you talk to him about it. I hope he owns up and begs for forgiveness and agrees to counselling or something to help y’all get through this.

Post # 41
Hostess
9689 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

@anonymousandy:  Wow. I’m really sorry you found all of this out. Obviously he is not content in the relationship if he has to constantly seek outside experiences and validation from other women (even when he pays them to do so). I would in the least post-pone the wedding. He is definitely not ready for marriage. So sorry OP.

Post # 42
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

He cheated multiple times with prostitutes. I don’t understand what there is to talk about. My soul would be shredded as would all of his belongings.

 

Post # 43
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@ittybittykittycommittee:  Gmail automatically deletes things from the trash bin that have been in the trash bin more than 3 days… Sounds to me like he deleted it recently, not wanting her to see it by accident.

@anonymousandy: I agree with PPs who say you should explain what happened, and let your concerns be known. If he gets defensive, it’s because he knows he’s wrong.

Post # 45
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

@adayoruba:  I respectfully disagree with you. Even if you are okay with threesomes, an open relationship, or really anything that is considered “kinky” doesn’t mean you don’t have boundaries. In past relationships, we have discussed threesomes or having an open relationshsip, that does not mean I would be okay with them doing something behind my back.

IMO, if something happens without discussion, knowledge or approval, it is cheating. I would confront him in a heartbeat.

Post # 46
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@anonymousandy:  whoa! Your update sounds heart-breaking. I’m so sorry for you 🙁

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