Post # 1
so I was cleaning and the vacuum caught something under the dresser, I pulled it out and it was bag with a ring box inside. I shouldn’t have looked but I did. And the ring is almost identical to an engagement ring I received from an ex years ago. I feel really weird about this. I do plan to tell bf that I accidentally found it while cleaning, but I’m not sure how to bring up the fact that it makes me feel extremely awkward because of the similarities to the ex’s ring. I don’t want the negativity accociated with that part of my life attached to what is supposed to be a really exciting moment and milestone for us.
How do I tell him that it’s super weird that it’s almost exactly like the old ring and gives me weird vibes. I just want to approach this in the most mature and sensitive way possible. He’s already going to be a bit disappointed that I found it and looked at it.
Edit: he’s seen pictures of the ex’s ring, we’ve gone ring shopping many times and even gone on brilliant earth and designed a few as a blueprint to what I like. This particular style I’ve outrright said I don’t like and didn’t like even before ex gave me a ring in this style.
Post # 2
Don’t say anything. If and when he proposes tell him your prefer a different style no need to elaborate.
Post # 3
jujubells : The vacuum got caught on the ring box… lol
Does your boyfriend know what your previous ring looked like? Have you talked about styles of rings you like or is the fact that he even has a ring a total suprise?
I can’t think of a nice way to tell him that the ring gives you bad vibes, I would have to assume that he tried to find something that you’d really love, and he thought he has. That’s going to be a pretty big blow.
Wait for him to propose, then maybe see if you can reset the stone or something..
Post # 4
Theres many a slip between cup and lip. If you want him to propose dont worry about the perfect moment with the perfect ring. Just. Dont. Say. Anything.
Post # 5
jujubells : Based on your update, I can now understand why you’re upset since he purchased something that you made clear you didn’t want.
In this situation I would probably say something, I’d be really curious as to why my partner went against everything we’d talked about when it came to the ring. Although, I’m not sure what the best way to approach it would be, it’s not going to be pleasant no matter how you spin it.
Post # 6
jujubells : Sometimes, no matter how much they care, when you tell a dude exactly what you want and what you do *not* want, all he members is the emphasised bit! Maybe this happened in your boyfriend’s case. You showed him what you liked and, specifically, what you don’t like, and he didn’t remember which was which?!
That’s just one possible explaination. Regardless, it doesn’t matter. My gut instinct is don’t say anything. Shove that bag back under the dresser and go get your nails done.
Once you’ve accepted the proposal, then you can broach the subject and tell him you’d like to exchange for a different style. If he was concerned about your tastes enough to take you shopping and design things online, you can be pretty confident he’ll want you to be happy and switch it to what you want.
Post # 7
If you have discussed rings, designed one and told him you don’t like this style then is it possible it wasn’t meant for you? Did he have a long term girlfriend in the past?
Post # 8
It’s not possible that it was meant for someone else. The warranty/service card was with it with my name on it. zzar45 :
Post # 9
futuremrs2020 : it’s a cluster of small stones, not one stone. It’s set into a large princess cut setting. So having it reset wouldn’t be a very economical option.
Post # 10
Best case scenario, he’s just clueless, and he’ll be on one knee before you know it! Worst case, it’s for another woman. Reality is probably somewhere in between.
I would guess that it’s old, maybe an heirloom or from a past relationship, and you just never noticed it until now. Maybe he bought it cheap and is planning to have it re-set for you.
I agree that now isn’t the best time to bring it up. At least let him propose the way he wants. But if he knows what you want and decides to go against it, there could be some red flags to talk about after. As far as I’m concerned, this is more about his listening skills and respecting your wishes than it is about how the ring looks.
Post # 11
jujubells : My only concern with not saying anything is that he may wait until after the return window closes to propose and then what happens?
Post # 12
thunderbee : it’s definitely not an heirloom. It was purchased new, the warranty/service plan card was with it and had my name on it and date of purchase
Post # 13
TwilightRarity : based on the date of purchase on the warranty/service plan card that was with it, it’s well past any return date.
Post # 14
If he’d chosen your ring without your input, I’d be much more concerned about hurting his feelings when he thought he’d chosen something you’d love. But in this scenario, you were very clear on what you don’t like/ don’t want and for some odd reason, despite multiple ring shopping trips together and drawing up ideas for rings together, he’s chosen to ignore everything you’ve said to him. So I would be honest with him without sugar coating it. “I’m thrilled at being engaged and planning a wedding with you but I’m puzzled that you chose a ring I told you on numerous times I didn’t like. It isn’t my style and it has negative associations with my ex as it’s weirdly similar to the ring he got for me. I would like to exchange/ alter the ring.”
I’m curious why he did this- did he get it wrong somehow and he thinks he bought what you wanted? does he think his taste supercedes yours? huge difference because this will crop up again in the future over other matters
Post # 15
jujubells : So you have discussed rings, he knows what your ex’s looked like, and your preferences, and he proceeded to spend a good amount of money on a very different ring? That’s a bit concerning.
Also, is there a large price difference between the rings you discussed and the cluster you found? Perhaps finances are relevant.