(Closed) Found Fiancé With Online Dating Profile

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
2507 posts
Sugar bee

I think the most concerning part is the misogynistic and racist remarks. I don’t really care if the profile is active or not, or if he’s texting other women or not; it could all be innocent – but the content of his profile speaks to his character. And that’s not a man you want to be With. 

Post # 62
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - His Way Church & Chesapeake Room @ Downs Park

I truly understand that in situations like this, it’s easer said than done. But PLEASE don’t settle for this. The type of issues you are having with him are not normal “any relationship” problems. He cheated and you worked that out. That’s nice, but personally the only way I would ever consider giving a man a second chance after that would be if we already had children together…and to put me in that situation in the first place would be F-ed up. So please, do yourself a favor and come to a self-actualization that you deserve better than this and leave. If he cheated on you and you were willing to give him another chance, he should be doing everything he can to prove to you that he is completely devoted to you. This dating profile shows just how little he is willing to do that. Leave!

Post # 63
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Speck_:  You should totally do what Speck_ said.

Post # 64
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

By the way I had 3 dating profiles and I shut down all three when I got engaged (I didn’t when we were dating because I wasn’t using them from before I met him… I used them briefly, never actually went on a date, and just kind of forgot them either months or years before meeting my husband), and I’m STILL getting emails from sites I shut down.  I think for the age it just calculates it based on his DOB so it will always have the current one.


I’d find it a little offensive that he thinks the kind of person I am in general is a kind of person he can’t stand.


So it could be innocent and it could not.

Post # 65
61 posts
Worker bee

Is this a dating website that you have to pay for? If he’s actually paying for it, he’s actively trying to cheat and for me that is unacceptible. i was on a dating website and cancelled my account. they kept sending me messages and i pushed the little unsubscribe button and haven’t gotten a message since so i don’t know how that is much of an excuse. if you’ve been together for 5 years, he has no business being on any sort of dating website. print out the page and show it to him. have a second copy hidden so that he can’t destroy all of the evidence. this seems very sketch, especially if he has cheated in the past.

Post # 66
305 posts
Helper bee

I am sorry for the years you spent with this guy. I believe if you choose to stay with him and look back after another 10 years you will regret that you didn’t leave him when you were 40. It is worse to spend 16 years with someone who doesn’t deserve it instead of 6 years.

Post # 70
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

maocat:  This.

Sorry you’re going through this bee, and at the risk of sounding like a broken record (because I say this to all these types of threads) – if it’s done with that much INTENT behind it, it’s not worth salvaging. Little mistakes can be forgiven, filling in a dating profile and putting all that effort in takes time and thought. You deserve so much better than that!

Post # 71
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2006

You need to think at this point, if you married this man, would you ever feel fully confident in his love for you and his faithfulness? I don’t think you would. Trust me, there’s no worse way to live than paranoid and feeling unloved by the one you love the most. You need to close your eyes and imagine yourself next year, married to this man you already have SO many doubts about, and being stuck because it’s so much harder to leave married than engaged. I know you really want to believe the best, but at this point there are too many red flags and I think you will regret moving forward with him and wasting any more time out of your precious life with someone like this. He is not worth your time or your heart. His cheating, his texts, his online profiles will haunt you and you will only be able to trust him if you lie to yourself and choose to ignore it all for the sake of settling.

Post # 72
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018 - Inn On Broadway

Arae83:  Which dating sites update your age and info if you cancelled it the profile and/or subscription? My boyfriend and I met on Match.com and once we cancelled our profiles we’ve never got any emails from them or even spam. 

Post # 73
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

OP, as much as I want to believe there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for this – he’s cheated on you before and you forgave him and now you find this.

I would question if he’s actually committed to you and perhaps think back to what happened the first time to get an idea of what kind of character he truly has – did he come clean and confess and apologize the last time? Or was he only sorry he got caught? Something to think long and hard about IMO.

Post # 74
10010 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

No clue why you would even consider staying with this guy.

Not all relationships are bumpy and hard and have ups and downs. 

Post # 75
1609 posts
Bumble bee

lostinlv:  I know you’ve already had many awesome replies and hope you listen to them, at times it’s hard to see it from perspective compared to someone that is viewing it from an unbiased view. 

I think you already know the answer and just worry on how he will react and the fallout. Which I get because ive been with my partner for a similar amount of time and it’s definitely hard to break up after all that. But I would think to myself… Can I trust him? Do I want to marry and have kids with someone who could be doing that behind my back? My answer would be no. 

Its hard to tell whether the profile is old, has it got messages from others on it? Could indicate if it does. I would also vote for maybe testing to see whether it’s active with a profile you make, will give you a better idea. But to me it doesn’t add up: with his shady attitude, texts and the profile. It smells fishy. Plus… What are the chances of it being a profile from before you got together? Highly unlikely I think. 

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