(Closed) Found Fiancé With Online Dating Profile

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 106
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I say you should run far from this man. Just the fact that he even took his time to fill out his profile in the dating site in a very detailed way is a sign that he is hoping to meet someone through that site, even if its an international site. if he wasn’t that serious about meeting someone through the site he wouldn’t have wasted his time to fill out everything in the profile. At least I wouldnt

Post # 107
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My heart is broken for you. Please log into the account and change his picture and update all of his info to obnoxious stuff. Either that or randomly message him texts you “meant for someone else.” F!#K THAT GUY! UGH!

Post # 108
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

My ex-fiance was a cheater, and I didn’t even know it until AFTER I had called off the wedding! (Things were just…weird for a while, he had reservations and I didn’t feel right, so I canceled/postponed the wedding – 10 days before!) I found out that he had another Fiance (for 2 years!) when he married her 3 months after our wedding DIDN’T happen – I read it in the newspaper.

I will say that even though I called off the wedding, we had the conversations together about what we wanted and where we were – he never could tell me what was giving him reservations about getting married (perhaps the OTHER upcoming wedding he had planned?). 

So I said “Let’s take a break. The wedding is off for now, and we need some time apart.” he agreed, but called me constantly. After I found out about his wedding, I confronted him about it – he said he was so distraught after I cancelled the wedding that he married the first girl that came across his path – that there was no one out there like me, but he just wanted someone to love him and she did.

It wasn’t until I spoke with HER that I found out how long they had been together – she thought he had broken up with me 2 years prior. Of course, he told her that I was OBSESSED with him and just couldn’t let it go – even after 2 years! (yeah, right. I ended up sending her our wedding inviation in the mail just to prove he was lying to her)

I ended up moving from NC to NY to start a new life (I seriously had no money – I borrowed money from a friend and ended up paying her back after 2 years). I had to change my cellphone number, as well as the cell numbers of my sister, mom, and dad! He simply wouldn’t leave me alone!

My point in all of this? Don’t settle for the cheater – no matter how far in you are. They’ll say all sorts of crazy stuff to excuse the behavior. They’ll make YOU feel like the bad guy for having trust issues! Yesterday was supposed to be my 8th wedding anniversary. Now, I’m getting married to a GOOD man in 20 days. Things worked out for me, and I think they will for you too. It wasn’t easy, but I was able to move forward knowing that I never gave him the satisfaction of having me as a wife. 

Best of luck to you. I know how heartbroken you feel right now. I know you’re questioning every single thing he’s ever said to you. I know how crazy you feel, and how the insecurities are running wild through your head, wondering how YOU didn’t realize anything all this time. If you need to talk, a lot of us here are ready to listen.

Post # 109
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

No. No.  Just NO.

Post # 110
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Please walk away.  It doesn’t matter how much you’ve spent on the wedding already, how soon the wedding is, how long you’ve been with this person, how old you are, or any feelings of inadequacy/embarrassment you will have in the aftermath. I think you need to walk away asap.  I think you should consider it a gift that you found out about this BEFORE the wedding. There is no reason your fiance (ex fiance now, I hope) should be on an online dating site or looking for anything when he’s planning his marriage to YOU. 

Let me tell you a story – a few years ago, one of my friends was doing online dating and met this guy who was engaged.  Instead of walking away when she found out he was engaged, she actually became the other woman! She said she went over to his place all the time to have sex (when his fiancee was out of town).  It wasn’t about how attractive or not his fiancee was. She showed me a photo of his fiancee and she was gorgeous!! I felt so bad for this girl – she was beautiful, accomplished, and being cheated on.  Even the day before the guy’s wedding, he was sleeping with another woman.  Even on the way to his wedding, he was sleeping with my friend (now former friend)!  I was so utterly disgusted that my friend (now former friend) was the “other woman” with an engaged man (it’s never ok, in my opinion, but a practically married man is even worse) that it strained my opinion of her and we stopped being close friends and drifted.  It was hard to be friends with her after that, especially because I’ve been cheated on.  I haven’t seen that friend in years.  But I digress. 

The point is that if he has an online dating site and is active on it, he’s probably already cheating or is going to cheat as soon as he has the opportunity to.  It speaks volumes about his character. There’s no coming back from this. There’s nothing he can do or promise to salvage this relationship. It was over the moment he signed up for an online dating site or remained on it after you two were officially in a relationship. Save yourself the heartache and an inevitable divorce. Do the hard thing and walk away. I know your heart has some catching up to do, but let your brain do the steering for now. Break up with him, get yourself and your stuff out of there, square away any of the wedding cancellations, and heal yourself so you can move on. I know you are devastated right now, but imagine how much more devastated you will be if it was your husband, not fiance, who was cheating on you, and having to get divorced soon after. You deserve so much better. You deserve love, loyalty, security, and someone who would go to the ends of the earth to show he loves you and would never betray you. My ex betrayed me (we were together for 3 years), but I moved on, met my now husband, and even though it’s not always sunshine and rainbows, he shows me constantly that he’d never betray me.  He picked up the pieces of my broken heart and put them back together. You deserve the same!! The only way to get it is walk away.  My thoughts are with you, bee. It is going to be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, but it’ll be well worth it and you will become so much stronger for it.

Post # 111
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Please walk away.  It doesn’t matter how much you’ve spent on the wedding already, how soon the wedding is, how long you’ve been with this person, how old you are, or any feelings of inadequacy/embarrassment you will have in the aftermath. I think you need to walk away asap.  I think you should consider it a gift that you found out about this BEFORE the wedding. There is no reason your fiance (ex fiance now, I hope) should be on an online dating site or looking for anything when he’s planning his marriage to YOU. 

Let me tell you a story – a few years ago, one of my friends was doing online dating and met this guy who was engaged.  Instead of walking away when she found out he was engaged, she actually became the other woman! She said she went over to his place all the time to have sex (when his fiancee was out of town).  It wasn’t about how attractive or not his fiancee was. She showed me a photo of his fiancee and she was gorgeous!! I felt so bad for this girl – she was beautiful, accomplished, and being cheated on.  Even the day before the guy’s wedding, he was sleeping with another woman.  Even on the way to his wedding, he was sleeping with my friend (now former friend)!  I was so utterly disgusted that my friend (now former friend) was the “other woman” with an engaged man (it’s never ok, in my opinion, but a practically married man is even worse) that it strained my opinion of her and we stopped being close friends and drifted.  It was hard to be friends with her after that, especially because I’ve been cheated on.  I haven’t seen that friend in years.  But I digress. 

The point is that if he has an online dating site and is active on it, he’s probably already cheating or is going to cheat as soon as he has the opportunity to.  It speaks volumes about his character. There’s no coming back from this. There’s nothing he can do or promise to salvage this relationship. It was over the moment he signed up for an online dating site or remained on it after you two were officially in a relationship. Save yourself the heartache and an inevitable divorce. Do the hard thing and walk away. I know your heart has some catching up to do, but let your brain do the steering for now. Break up with him, get yourself and your stuff out of there, square away any of the wedding cancellations, and heal yourself so you can move on. I know you are devastated right now, but imagine how much more devastated you will be if it was your husband, not fiance, who was cheating on you, and having to get divorced soon after. You deserve so much better. You deserve love, loyalty, security, and someone who would go to the ends of the earth to show he loves you and would never betray you. My ex betrayed me (we were together for 3 years), but I moved on, met my now husband, and even though it’s not always sunshine and rainbows, he shows me constantly that he’d never betray me.  He picked up the pieces of my broken heart and put them back together. You deserve the same!! The only way to get it is walk away.  My thoughts are with you, bee. It is going to be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, but it’ll be well worth it and you will become so much stronger for it.

Post # 113
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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lostinlv:  Ew he sounds repulsive to me. Sounds like you dodged a very whiny bullet.

Post # 115
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

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lostinlv:  This guy is a real piece of work!

He’s everything you DON’T want in a SO. You deserve so much better! It was mighty kind of you to have given him a second chance in the past. No need to give him a third chance!

There are so many great guys out there. You’re going to meet someone amazing and someone that truly is worthy of you! Don’t look at life and your age as an expiration date. It’s fine to have goals, but do NOT settle for a loser to meet a deadline you’ve set for your self. You’ll only have a lifetime of regrets. No one needs to live like that. You most definitely do not want to make babies with this guy. He is not an upstanding fella and again, you deserve waaaay better!

Give your self the chance to find true love and not settle for something as toxic as this guy.

All the best Bee!

Post # 116
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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va-in-ny:  wtf so your ex-FI was engaged to 2 women and planning 2 weddings at the same time? How did he think that was going to end!? dumb ass lol

Post # 119
Member
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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lostinlv:  

lostinlv: I had an ex-boyfriend like this years ago. In the very beginning of our relationship he cheated (made out with some girl at a bar) but it was early on and he told me the truth so we were able to move past it although a little voice inside always felt like I was on alert. After about a year and a half he started to act weird and it was similar to what you said… He would ask me if everything was ok obsessively, and always asked me where I was going, and who I was going with and I just felt like he was always trying to keep tabs on me without going out of his way to actually spend time with me even though he seemed so concerned. A few times I would catch him checking out my phone but he was always super secretive about his and this is when I started to really pay attention. His constant babysitting was irritating and the only thing I kept thinking was that it was a guilty conscience that he was trying to project on me. I didn’t have access to any of this stuff and we went to different colleges so I couldn’t really get close enough to catch him in anything. This went on for awhile and one day while he was in class and I had stayed at his dorm, I decided to get some homework done and he had forgotten to sign out of his log in so I used his log in instead of the guest log in which I usually used. Anyway, I decided to seize the opportunity and logged into EVERYTHING and there it was: multiple conversations with girls he hooked up with, took out, wanted to take out on facebook and myspace (that’s how long ago this was lol) and also several dating sites that he left the windows open on so he must have been looking at it while I was sleeping before he went to class. He tried to turn it around on me for snooping but at that point I didn’t care at all and was totally over it. I grabbed my stuff and never saw him again.

The next guy I dated very briefly was just a fling but I also felt like we were kind of just wasting time with eachother until we figured it out. I found his dating site profile after about 2 months and didn’t even care. He also was planning a move. I guess we were just keeping eachother company until we both knew we would eventually move on.

I honestly feel like your situation is a little bit of both of those 2 relationships I had. Had I wasted my time with either of them I never would have met my husband just a few months later. DO NOT marry this guy. 

Post # 120
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
MissJulianna:  Wow this is crazy. Why are so many attached guys on dating sites? It scares me a bit as I’m new to dating sites and was naive enough to think they were all single lol!

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