My ex-fiance was a cheater, and I didn’t even know it until AFTER I had called off the wedding! (Things were just…weird for a while, he had reservations and I didn’t feel right, so I canceled/postponed the wedding – 10 days before!) I found out that he had another Fiance (for 2 years!) when he married her 3 months after our wedding DIDN’T happen – I read it in the newspaper.
I will say that even though I called off the wedding, we had the conversations together about what we wanted and where we were – he never could tell me what was giving him reservations about getting married (perhaps the OTHER upcoming wedding he had planned?).
So I said “Let’s take a break. The wedding is off for now, and we need some time apart.” he agreed, but called me constantly. After I found out about his wedding, I confronted him about it – he said he was so distraught after I cancelled the wedding that he married the first girl that came across his path – that there was no one out there like me, but he just wanted someone to love him and she did.
It wasn’t until I spoke with HER that I found out how long they had been together – she thought he had broken up with me 2 years prior. Of course, he told her that I was OBSESSED with him and just couldn’t let it go – even after 2 years! (yeah, right. I ended up sending her our wedding inviation in the mail just to prove he was lying to her)
I ended up moving from NC to NY to start a new life (I seriously had no money – I borrowed money from a friend and ended up paying her back after 2 years). I had to change my cellphone number, as well as the cell numbers of my sister, mom, and dad! He simply wouldn’t leave me alone!
My point in all of this? Don’t settle for the cheater – no matter how far in you are. They’ll say all sorts of crazy stuff to excuse the behavior. They’ll make YOU feel like the bad guy for having trust issues! Yesterday was supposed to be my 8th wedding anniversary. Now, I’m getting married to a GOOD man in 20 days. Things worked out for me, and I think they will for you too. It wasn’t easy, but I was able to move forward knowing that I never gave him the satisfaction of having me as a wife.
Best of luck to you. I know how heartbroken you feel right now. I know you’re questioning every single thing he’s ever said to you. I know how crazy you feel, and how the insecurities are running wild through your head, wondering how YOU didn’t realize anything all this time. If you need to talk, a lot of us here are ready to listen.