Found My Xmas Gift: Boyfriend Buys Me What He Likes, Not What I Want.

posted 11 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
555 posts
Busy bee

Are you sure it’s for you? Maybe it’s for his mother or a friend? Have you looked inside, is it definitely a purse?

Post # 17
875 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

mrscee2bee :  Great approach.

Why do you bother so much when you don’t even know for sure it’s for you? Even if it’s for you, it’s so much complaining. It’s a gift. You like it or you don’t. I don’t think there never wasn’t a person who didn’t like the gift they received and changed it. (my brain froze, is it even grammatical at this point? ) 

What if he really liked it and wanted to give it to you? It doesn’t mean he wants to control your style all together.

Once I had an ex who gave me a used (by his mom) weight loss book (I had 5 kg excess weight) for my birthday, and a scooter, a fckng scooter for the new year and many more horrible manipulative gifts implying I was fat basically. Now, if the case is close to this and you didn’t quite explain it in the post, that sort of a relationship doesn’t recover and shouldn’t. But otherwise, enjoy your bag, if it’s for you and if it’s a bag. 

Post # 18
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

motherofkittenz :  Is your boyfriend Kanye West? 

Post # 19
1047 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Are you sure the bag isn’t for something he bought for himself?

Post # 21
6781 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I feel like you’re getting a bit of flak because it’s a luxury item. Not one person said “wow first world problems” in the thread about getting a dyson for xmas. Either way it’s a gift that the receiver does not want. She shouldn’t have to suck it up anymore than dyson-lady should. 

You might have to start getting a list and telling him to stick to it. Or ask for gift receipts!

Post # 22
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I feel like people are being super rude to you and I’m sorry for that. 


For sure Hermes is an amazing gift, but If you specifically said you didn’t want that I’d be upset that he just disregarded your wishes like that and did it anyway, even though it’s an expensive and beautiful gift. The fact of the matter is that he’s thinking more about his style and tastes than yours. I’d just tell him that you appreciate his generosity but that you’d much rather return it and get something that you’ll actually love and that in the future you’d appreciate him listening to your opinion. 

Post # 23
10845 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

motherofkittenz :  

As problems go, this is not a big one. My bf buys me the wrong stuff at Hermes is not going to get you a telethon.

My Dh does this all the time.  He seems to like giving me pendants. That’s very sweet, and they are pretty. The only weasel in the woodpile is that I never wear pendants. I just don’t. And I’m allergic to many of them.

After all these years, you’d think he’d figure this out. Finally, I told him after the last one, emphasizing the allergy problem. He seemed fine with it, but that means nothing. We’ll see how Christmas goes.

On the Importance Scale, the pendant thing is pretty much at rock bottom.

I also think “It’s just not me” is a lot kinder than “I don’t like it!” 

Post # 24
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

His not listening to her desires and wishes is a problem. His thinking his taste is better for her than hers is a problem. In fact, I’d say his ignoring her and his selfish arrogance are serious problems.

And I’m really put off by people saying, “It’s expensive! Shut up and take it! This is not a problem!” Being totally disregarded would be a problem for me, even on the financial level of an ice cream cone: “You like vanilla, I told you I really wanted chocolate, and you got me vanilla anyway.” When we get to his “I have better taste in ice cream flavors than you do”….

Post # 25
2309 posts
Buzzing bee

cassandra7 :  this! The money and luxury item seems to be blinding a lot of bees from seeing the larger issue behind the purse—he’s blatantly disrespecting her wishes. 


Also, I 100% guarantee that if/when OP expresses to him that she doesn’t like his gift, he’s gonna throw the $$$ in her face and act like she’s being ungrateful. I just can’t believe so many bees are siding with him on this…


 “Oh, you don’t like this expensive purse I bought you even though you specifically told me you didn’t want it?? You ungrateful SOB!” 

Post # 26
804 posts
Busy bee

Idk maybe I’m just bigger on gift giving than others but I’d be annoyed. I routinely see people on bee refer to love languages much more when the topic of gift giving comes up but when the other 4 languages arise it’s not the same response. I can’t get with the idea that someone is “just a bad gift giver” when it comes to a spouse. A friend, relative maybe, but someone you live with and are spending your life with and you can’t think of something they would like to receive as a gift? No sorry I think that’s thoughtless and the gift giver didn’t put in the effort or listen.

Post # 27
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

penny1403 :  right? Wth. It’s HIS MONEY. 

Buy your own damn purse,  OP.


Post # 28
3729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

People are definitely blinded by the fact that this is a luxury item. He is actively ignoring her likes and dislikes which is a much bigger problem. Switch out that luxury item for an average gift and I bet most people’s responses of “first world problems” would change. He’s blowing a ton of money on something that she’s asked him not to buy. There are bigger problems here than simply not liking a purse.

Post # 29
1291 posts
Bumble bee

This site is so weirdly inconsistent and confusing at times. Of course the bf can buy whatever he wants to OP. But is it really a gift if the recipient has actively expressed not wanting it? Of course she can drop it to the salvation army donations box on boxing day. But it’s a purse that is likely to cost thousands of dollars. I think when someone co sistently expresses a desire to bug items that the other person won’t use it is better to talk. Based on the OP it sounds like boyfriend just buys items he feels as fashionable because he this is he is better at making those decisions without thinking the recipients style or opinion. Does this extend to other aspects of your life?

Yea, it is a first world problem. As is majority of the problems on this site. So with that in mind wouldn’t it be better if those thousands were used better than buying something that is never used?

Post # 30
712 posts
Busy bee

Oh, that’s definitely a bit concerning. While it can be construed by many as being very generous, I’d be uncomfortable too. Have a calm chat with him, and do seek out an exchange. The more troubling thing for me is how he ignored your unfortunate associations with Hermès. That is pretty darn thoughtless. 

I know how facetious this sounds but I’d be especially livid if it were a Birkin, given Hermès’ practice of essentially driving up demand to an irrational frenzy by telling people they can’t have it. Well, FYI, anyone can now buy one pre owned at Neiman Marcus. Not to mention, at that price point, I’d want my husband to run any large purchase like that, even if it’s a gift, by me first. Hope you can sort this out, bee. 

Leave a comment

Find Amazing Vendors