Post # 1
Member
49 posts
Newbee
I’ve gone anonymous for this post because sometimes so uses my computer and I don’t want him to see this post.
Last night while he was napping I used his phone to take a couple of pictures because it takes much better photos than mine. When I opened up his picture gallery, there were pictures he had taken of himself the day before when he got home from work, right before he showered. One was a shot of him shirtless, and the other 2 were of his member. One of them was like a full body shot and the other up close. I was confused why he’d taken them because he never sends me pictures like that. Well, he used to when we were first together, but not in a looooong time. Plus if he were feeling frisky, he never came to me that day and attempted to get anything from me.
So I looked at his texts and there was nothing suspicious in there, but he deletes his messages a lot. When he woke up, he was playing with his phone for a little while, answering texts he got while he was napping, then he took a couple of silly pictures of us. He opened his gallery and the 3 pictures were gone. So I asked him about them and he said he took them for me but forgot to send them. He said “I was gonna send you pictures like I used to but when I got out of the shower I forgot.” It just doesn’t sit right with me. I know that he loves me very much, and I don’t believe that he’s physically cheating, but I’m so paranoid now that he’s talking to someone else.
I never used to think he’d ever do anything like that, but about a month ago I saw some messages on his facebook with a female friend of his where she was asking him if he remembered the time they were out at a bar with someone else and were all wasted and then they hooked up later. He said something to her about remembering how good it was and kind of left it at that. I don’t know her at all, other than a few chats on fb. From what I’ve seen of the messages on his fb with her, she used to have a big crush on him and he was never interested in her but they hooked up when they were really drunk one night. She knows we’re engaged and doesn’t really say anything inappropriate, but I’ve seen messages from him to her, talking about how great she is and how beautiful she is. When I asked him about it, he says he’s just trying to make her feel better because her self esteem is so low. When I told him I was uncomfortable with him talking to her about things like that he apologized and said he wouldn’t again. I see that he gets texts from her and fb messages, but he always deletes them. She was texting him all night last night about some guy she’s kind of seeing and wanted advice. I asked him to put his phone away and just ignore it after the first few messages, but he kept texting her back. He said he just feels bad because she’s a great girl and deserves to be happy.
I’m just so confused and frustrated right now. I don’t know if he’s doing anything, but I feel like he wouldn’t have taken those pictures and then deleted them if he was planning to send them to me. Ugh, I just needed to vent I guess.
Post # 3
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I would not read too much into this. I would trust him, but keep this in the back of your mind in case something legitimately suspicious happens later. Don’t let this make you the kind of girlfriend who starts sneaking into his phone and email every chance you get. I think his explanation is perfectly reasonable and that you should not jump to conclusions on this alone.
I think the concern about this friend is a separate situation. I would not conflate the two together. It’s always hard to figure out when a guy is just being nice and really trying to simply make a girl feel better and when they are getting too close. I’d keep addressing the issu with this girl, but I’d never once imply to him that you think he sent her naked photos. That could really make him concerned about how much trust there is in your relationship.
Post # 4
Member
3847 posts
Honey bee
@BewilderedBee: You are using the name “Bewildered Bee” and are saying that your confused. Are you? What is your gut telling you?
I don’t say that because I believe one thing or another, but the tone of your post leads me to believe that you believe he is being inappropriate.
Post # 5
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
My SO used to delate messages all the time and it would drive me crazy and make me parnoid. Eventually it became a problem and Ilet him know I felt about it. Now he dosen’t delate anything and I feel much more comfortable. It was important he knew I trusted him and I never look through his messages UNLESS i notice he has none then i get nosey.
Post # 6
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
That excuse just doesn’t sit right with me… but that’s my opinion. If I were you I’d be looking at his cell phone records and paying close attention after this :-
Post # 7
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
Id keep asking him cus it sounds suspicouse to me aswell, if he had been planning on sending you those pics he wouldnt have deleted them. At least I dont see why he’d would. If this were me Id confront him strait on, tell him look if you dont stop talking to this girl there will be consequenses! Your feelings should be his number one consern! NOT that girls. Good luck! N stand your ground cus if hes putting you second you deserve better
Post # 8
Member
4952 posts
Honey bee
but he kept texting her back. He said he just feels bad because she’s a great girl and deserves to be happy.
Not his/your problem. She doesn’t need to discuss her relationship issues/whatever with a man who is about to be married. This is something she should discuss with a girlfriend, not your fiance. It’s not appropriate.
About the pix – I don’t know, it wouldn’t sit right with me either. If he said he was going to send them to you but forgot – why didn’t he send them once he remembered? Why delete them?
I’m probably not the best person to give advice on things like this, because I had a cheating ex husband. Not that I think that’s the case here – but I am hyper-sensitive to little things like this knowing what I know about how sneaky my ex was.
I’d probably give him the benefit of the doubt regarding the pix. Though his excuse does sound a bit hinky. However, regarding the female friend – your fiance needs to make it clear to her that he’s not her sounding board, and to chill out on the texting/messages/etc.
Post # 9
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
I feel like he is hiding something. If it makes you uncomfortable, then it isnt right. You need to talk to him about it. He is engaged and not acting like it and in my opinion, what he is doing is inappropriate.
Post # 10
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
@BewilderedBee: I agree with MrsFuzzyFace. There is something about your post that is making me really uncomfortable. The only concrete thing I can say is, if you had told your SO to stop texting random girl, he should have listened to you.
That apart, I can give you some very unethical advice: start snooping around. Try to find more evidence before you reach a conclusion either ways. The other approach is to just turn a blind eye. If you are happy with him overall, then maybe ignorance is bliss. Just get him tested for Save-The-Date Cards and ensure your safety. I don’t know…all these posts about cheating, and my own personal experience combined, I’ve become quite jaded about the whole thing. Sometimes I think it’s best to ignore what he is doing and live in your own happy bubble. If that gives you a few priceless days of peace.
Post # 11
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
@GFerg:
but he kept texting her back. He said he just feels bad because she’s a great girl and deserves to be happy.
Not his/your problem. She doesn’t need to discuss her relationship issues/whatever with a man who is about to be married. This is something she should discuss with a girlfriend, not your fiance.
+1 Nothing good EVER comes from these types of situations.
I’ve never been cheated on or even been suspicious of being cheated on, but if my Fiance ever showed any of these signs, I wouldn’t second guess it. This is all a pretty tell-tale sign to me that something fishy is going on, and shit needs to be put to an end.
Post # 12
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
Uhhh, my ex used to do that and i think you should be aware. I can’t say if he cheats on you or he’s just having a fantasy with this woman, nostalgy or something like that. But that doesn’t seem too “clean”. Firstly she wouldn’t ask from him an advice if she’d be just a friend, she’d have respect, and secondary he wouldn’t text her back if he wouldn’t think about her. He acts like a teen that got a message from his gf, eager to text back. I’m sorry for all that situation but let’s face it, you SO hides something and it should be approproate for him to tell you what’s wrong. There are sexual fantasies that are normal for everyone, he might have that with her as i said, this wouldn’t mean he doesn’t love you, but those naked pictures indeed should alarm you, this goes too far for a natural fantasy.
Post # 13
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
@Aquababes: Trying to say this in the nicest way possible, but it is flat out dumb as fuck to turn a blind eye if you suspect someone is cheating. No. Just no.
Post # 14
Member
49 posts
Newbee
@mrsSonthebeach: I’m trying not to, because I don’t want to be that snoopy girl. I never have been like that, but his behavior has me paranoid.
@GFerg: That’s what I told him! I just wanted to spend some time with him last night, just us. He worked every day last week and he came home early yesterday, took a nap, then said we had all evening to hang out, just us. But he kept texting her and I was like it’s not your problem, jut tell her you’re busy. He kept texting her until he went to bed.
@MissLacy: That’s how I feel. Like he’s hiding something from me. Deleting his messages all the time, didn’t really bother me before, because he had one of those pay as you go phones and couldn’t hold hundreds of texts like his new phone. But now he’s got a fancy phone still deletes them all the time. Except the ones from me and family and such.
Post # 15
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
Trust your gut. I’ve been in a very similar situation and I didnt just sit around waiting for him to come clean becuase lets be realistic that probably was never going to happen. Besides if those pictures were for you why didnt he just send them to you in the morning when he remembered why did he have to delete them and why does he have to delete the texts. And If you ask me its pretty disrespectful of him to text the other girl. I am not saying he is cheating on you physically and I am not saying its the end of your relationship either but there probably is something going on that you might need to know.
Post # 16
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
he said that he took the pictures for you and forgot to send them. so, why did he delete them instead of sending them? he deleted them before he knew that you saw them.
sorry, this just doesn’t add up.
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