(Closed) Found naked pics of so on his phone :(

• nycbrde2011
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: June 2012

Assuming that most people on this thread are not speaking from experience is foolish. A lot of us that are following this thread have been there and feel connected to this thread because we have been there and hate to read posts like this where we know that the poster is to deep in the situation to see clearly for themselves. You should never have to follow someone’s every move. It is unhealthy, you are going to be creating some major anxiety for yourself. I know because I did that for years. It took me years to recover from it and to be able to trust someone again. Please try to listen and see what posters are saying. Believing that people are giving you advice blindly is a big mistake. 

• Dizbee
• 8 years ago

What is that forum called “Who Wants to Get Cheated on AGAIN?”??  Are steps 1 and 2 Denial and A Really Big Pair of Blinders and Earplugs?  Relationships are work, yes, but they are not supposed to be this complicated.  They don’t involve out of state sexytime and GPS monitoring and lies upon lies.  I am astounded that yours does and you’re okay with it. 

• Pepperwoodsy
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: September 2016

You’ve made your decision, and I wish you good luck. I do hope you will put some thought into postponing your wedding and putting plans on hold so you can focus on repairing your relationship. 

• msfahrenheit
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: August 2011

• smileyme
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: November 2013

When a man brings in “others” emotionally or physically; the bond of your relationship is broken. Unless of course you have an open marriage.

I guess the rest of us on here are using our intuition to guide you. But without your intuition I’m afraid you’ll have to learn the hard way.

• Saloria83
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: May 2013

My advice is if you are going ahead with the second chance, go to counseling, but DO NOT marry him right now. Post-pone the wedding. Make sure that this relationship is going to work first. Let him know that until you can trust him again you are not going through with the wedding. The day you marry him should be the day you no longer feel the need to track his every move. You should feel safe and trusting the day you say I Do.

• ltcolumbo
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: November 1999

Welcome to your new life.  I hope you know it doesn’t have to be this way… there are really great men out there.  

• wisc2009
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: September 2012

@BewilderedBee:  I’ve been lurking for a bit. One thing I really don’t like about online forums in general is everyone seems to think everything is black and white and everyone that disagrees is doomed to a lifetime of misery. Only you know what is right for you. Good, honest people sometimes make really big mistakes. Does your Fiance deserve your immediate forgiveness? Hell no. He acted like a self-centered, irresponsible, inconsiderate jerk. That doesn’t mean he’s Hitler reincarnated. It means he made some HORRIBLE choices. I think you’ve made it damn clear he is going to have to earn his keep and your trust back, as he should. Maybe 6 months from now you will think he’s the biggest jerk in the world and kick his ass to the curb. Maybe 30 years from now he’ll be the world’s best husband and you’ll be counting your lucky stars that you stayed. No one knows. At the heart of it, I think (hope?) everyone wishes you the best, no matter what happens. I know I do. Good luck.

• Cornflakegirl
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: October 2011

“He said he doesn’t want to be with anyone else, he loves me more than he ever thought he could love anyone and never thought he’d find the person he was meant to spend the rest of his life with.”

Oh yeah? Prove it, buddy. Actions speak louder than words. He needs to show you, and be the person he describes.

“He was in tears, telling me he’ll do whatever I want him to do, that he needs to make himself better for me if I’ll let him. He offered to leave if that’s what I wanted, but if I want to work through this, he’s ready to change his behavior.”“

This sounds sweet but is an attempt at veiling the true responsibility being with him. His statement through tears is unfairly putting the onus on you, that you are the one to tell him what you want, that you need to first give him permission to be a better person. No, no, no. He needs to give himself permission to be a better person no matter what, making himself better because he wants to be honorable in and of himself in the first place.

Good luck!

• MrsArtsy
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: May 2013

Good luck to you

good

• Sunfire
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: September 2012

He knows you’re suspicious of his behavior now.  He knows you’ll stay with him.  He’ll become more skilled at cheating, so he can have you and still do whatever he wants. 

When a man shows you who he really is – believe him.

• Jewelieee
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: March 2015

@BewilderedBee: A man can truly love you at the same time that he lies to you and cheats on you emotionally and physically.  He can love you but his need to satisfy his own urges, ego, whatever the reason, will always be greater than doing what is best for you, i.e. not cheat at all

I was cheated on pretty horribly.  He was not remorseful, in fact he denied it at first until I showed him evidence.  I know how it feels to be in complete shock that he can do this to you and want so much for him to prove himself, to make the relationship work, rather than let go and completely face the hurt.  After some very lame attempts to make things work, I had to let it go.  It took me a VERY long time to get over it, over a year at least, with depression, sleeping problems, the whole gamut.  But at least he’s not in my life anymore and I’m here!

I think that at least once in our lives, we’ve all ignored the obvious and kept on pushing until satisfied that it can’t ever work.   Sometimes the only way to learn is to make the mistake.  You don’t have to listen to anyone on here, but I wish you the best of luck and that if this does end up being a mistake for you, that you will end up in a better place at the end.

• Nel13
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: August 2013

I think if you want him to be honest with you… you need to be honest with him. He should know about the gps tracker thing. I feel that is a really horrible way to make a fresh start.

• GFerg
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: July 2012

As I mentioned earlier, I have been in this situation with my ex husband. And some of the excuses/reasons he gave me where almost line for line what your fiance is telling you. He also had a “friend” that he talked to about her problems, yadda yadda yadda. After it was said and done, we went to counseling. For a year and a half. Yet things never stopped with the infidelity. He was a musician, so he’d claim “they are fans of the band, I’m being polite talking to them.” To hell with that! He is out of my life (we were married for 16 years, so we had a SHIT TON of history) and I am so much happier.

Good luck to you. I hope for your sake it really does end up working out. But honestly, infidelity is very difficult to overcome. Especially when the trust is gone. I never got the trust back. And as a PP said, I shouldn’t have to feel like 007. Which is what happened to me. I was constantly a detective, just waiting for him to f*ck up again. I didn’t like the person I became (untrusting, etc.).