(Closed) Found naked pics of so on his phone :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 422
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@Sunfire: Wow, thank you so much for the kind words!

Post # 423
Member
4149 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@BewilderedBee:  This last update makes me so sad. OP, you seem very sweet and my worst nightmare for my future daughters is them not valuing themselves enough to walk away from a situation like this.  Please protect yourself – financially, mentally and physically (use condoms!).  The only good I can see coming from this is that future you will be a stronger woman once you get past this relationship.   Good luck.

Post # 424
Member
2436 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

So we’re back to cheating and getting away from it, and spying… Doomed.

 

I’m peacing out.

Post # 425
Member
846 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

this thread makes me sad. i haven’t commented yet, i’ve just been lurking, but i just feel the need to chime in. i’m telling you right now that you are making a mistake.

i’ve been where you’ve been. i’ve listened to the crying and begging to come back after you found them cheating. i’ve found messages and naked pictures. i’ve gotten the passwords and phone records. some men are just serial cheaters and they will never change. he’s never going to treat you the way to deserve to be treated, i can guarantee you that. i’m truly sorry for you.

my life literally got 1000x better after i left my ex and eventually found the most amazing man that i am now engaged to. you can also find that happiness if you let yourself.

Post # 426
Member
1751 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I also have only been lurking on this thread and I know where you’re coming from wanting to work it out. However, please don’t stay with someone who you do not 100% trust. It is never going to be the same again. You need to be happy.

I was with my boyfriend for 4 years. He gave me a ring, I moved in with him and I would have done anything for that guy. We only had been dating for 2 years before I found out he was cheating on me with a girl from his college. He would also tell me he was with other girls, then laugh and say he was kidding. Then a couple days later do the same thing. I was an emotional wreck and I was allowing him to make me that way. I finally stopped letting him lie to me, disrespect me & walk all over me. So I left.

It wasn’t a month later before he came crawling back begging me to forgive him. I “loved” him so much I was blinded by his lies. I took him back, even though we never really said we were “dating”, it got to the point where I was basically living with him again. I would literally watch him get ready to go on dates with other girls, I would hear him talk on the phone with other girls, see the texts from other girls…yet I stayed. I thought since he was coming back to me, I was the one he loved and wanted to be with. It was ridiculous. He told me he didn’t know why he did the things he did but he loved ME and wanted to marry ME.

Everytime I threatened to leave, he would lock himself in the bathroom and threaten to kill himself. It was awful. I felt trapped. I was trapped in a relationship where he was cheating in front of me, talking to me about other girls, but he knew I wouldn’t leave because I cared about him and I obviously didn’t want him to hurt himself.

I was with him up until I met my Fiance. He introduced me to what real love is, what a real relationship is. I realized now the “love” I had for my ex wasn’t love. It was more fear than anything. I am in such a loving, trusting relationship now and I couldn’t be happier.

Please don’t let his lies and tears blind you to the real situation. It is so easy to try and forget what he has done, and move on like nothing happened. Take a step back, stay with a friend or family member. You deserve a relationship that doesn’t need tracking devices. I hope everything works out for you.

Post # 427
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Something is defintely going on. He is either physically cheating or otherwise, but it sounds like it’s going to continue or get worse. I’m sorry. 🙁

Post # 428
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This thread really makes me sad.

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@BewilderedBee:  , I used to be in your shoes.

I know you may not want to listen to a bunch of strangers over the internet, but maybe talk to your mom or a close friend to get another input on the situation.

When I was in a relationship, being cheated on among other things, I sought counseling. The counselor brought up Chernobyl. It may look like an alright place, but it’s toxic and you’re breathing it in by being there. He is a toxic person (exhibiting very unhealthy behavior), and based on you’re behavior (FBI style tracking) you are also becoming that way. Therefore it’s impossible for you to make a well thought out decision with respect to this relationship. Stepping away for the situation and getting a breath of fresh air might help you reassess this situation.

Let me tell you, based on experience, it doesn’t get better. Oh, and guess what? I started becoming suspicious of my ex when I found graphic naked pics of him on his phone too…well, they were never sent to me. His behavior became out of control after that.

If you want to be a martyr in this relationship and give it another shot, good luck honey. You think he’s a broken man, but he’s not. He’s capable of making decisions for himself, therefore he’s not broken. He’s broken this relationship, by breaking your trust. Just watch, next time he’s on the computer, you’ll feel suspicious if he closes a window quickly when you enter the room….Next time he doesn’t answer a text right away, your heart will beat a little quicker. If he comes home late from work, it’ll take everything to not want to interrogate and ask exactly where he was. Just when you think you can let up on your tracking, he might just have a slip up. He has shown absolutely no respect for you, so why stop now? I’ve been there. This isn’t a good situation to be in.

To echo what PP’s have said, he has shown you the kind of man he is, you should believe him.

 

 

Post # 429
Member
6 posts
Newbee

Oh no. Seriously dont believe that please. She may be his friend and all but all that sounds so inappropiate. You are his fiance and you deserve to be satisfied more than this other girl that he hooked up with. My bf of two years has his friend that is a girl and i knew they had hooked up. But i made it very clear that I do not want him around this skank. Also we have a phone rule, no calls or text after 8pm because that is to late to be texting the opposite sex and just kinda wrong.

best of luck

Post # 430
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 50 bazillion times, shame on me.

That’s all I got.

Post # 431
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think a lot of us have been where you are, OP.  My ex husband did this to me our ENTIRE marriage.  But, I forgave him each time and he would “behave” for a few months and then I would find out more.  I was constantly checking up on him and it was absolutely heartbreaking and exhausting.

I wish you the best, but I fear this will be a cycle for your relationship.

Post # 432
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@blahblahblackbird:  this pulled at my heart strings because this was my story, but you tell it so much better than I do 🙂

Post # 433
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@blahblahblackbird:  This is so so true. I feel like you wrote this about me word for word. Being in that kind of relationship is so tough. It’s emotionally/physically draining and so bad for your self esteem.

OP, you honestly deserve so much more. There are still good guys out there who can appreciate what is right in front of them. You are worth it. Keep us updated and most of all, good luck in your decisions and I truly hope this is the last straw that makes him change.

Post # 434
Member
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I didn’t read all the replies so this might have already been said but…

how do you know he doesn’t have another phone? At work or something? He’s been caught once… I know if I was caught doing something on my phone, I would probably not continue (especially since you guys are on a shared plan.)  A prepay is easy and cheap enough to buy, then he can just leave his regular cell at work while he does whatever else he’s doing.

Post # 435
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sweetie, you’re in denial because you love him.  If you try (I know it’s hard) to separate your emotions and look at the plain, cold facts, or even imagine this was your best friend telling you this… what would you say to her.  If this was not a guy you cared about deeply he would be out the door – but in reality there’s not a real difference.  It’s the best advice my dad ever gave me.

Undoubtedly it will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do because leaving him is the best option… but it will be the BEST thing for YOU.  And you need to take care of yourself first and foremost.

One day you’ll look back on this, thank God it happened, you’ll be stronger and with someone who would never, ever do this to you.

I think this would be some good stories to read for you: http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?fid=2

Post # 436
Member
46 posts
Newbee

You are staying with him because you have no self esteem and don’t think you can get anyone else. And what he did would be a devastating blow to ANYONE’S self esteem. 

I had to be hit over the head with facts like you are to leave my husband and I wanted it- I wanted to be hit over the head because I was so hurt and unhappy. I just leapt, I jumped, I did it I got out of there! 

I know what he’s doing to you and my husband did the same, i don’t even think hwas as doing it on purpose. He’s making you feel like what he has done is nothing, or even that its you.

He wasn’t cheating he was just living a double life and never put me first, loooong story short. That is not even as bad as being cheated on and I did it, I left, you can too! I was with him for well over a decade too, high school sweethearts and everything. 

hes going to be so much better at hiding it from you now, that’s the issue with second chances when it comes to infidelity, the other chance is another chance to hide it better. 

This is what I thought to myself when I knew I had to go- why am I a slave to this man, why do I feel I NEED him, why do I feel I will crumble if I do? Why can’t I be in control of how I will feel and of my life? I found myself realizing that yes I can be in control of my feelings and my life. 

You probably feel like if you let him go then the girl he’s cheated with will be who he goes to like letting her win, and imagining him going wild. Well so what, let him be someone else’s problem,there are so many people in the world, why would you settle for someone like this? The world is yours but you don’t want it- take back control of you and your life, forget the damn wedding it will be a sham. Don’t lie to yourself and your loved ones

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