(Closed) Found naked pics of so on his phone :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 107
Member
2436 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@BewilderedBee:  Good luck with this. I’m hopignt hat there’s something benign here, but if you become concerned again and you feel like you genuinely can’t trust him, I’d suggest breaking this off. You can’t have a relationship without trust (whether he is guilty or not)

Post # 108
Member
9948 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am a firm believer that we are gifted with “Women’s Intuition” for a reason.  I’d store this in your mind’s filing cabinet somewhere… and continue to keep your eyes WIDE OPEN.

Chances are 50/50 he could be telling you the truth… or not.

It is yours to figure out… because if he is doing inappropriate stuff, it doesn’t look like he’s going to be honest / come clean with you on it (in that so far he has “reasons” for his behaviour choices)

IMO, a man who has nothing to hide… isn’t busy hiding it… or making excuses for it.

Post # 109
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

there are a lot of red flags here

I wish you the best of luck

 

Post # 110
Member
1396 posts
Bumble bee

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@BewilderedBee:  Good luck dear, and keep us posted.

My DH and I had a somewhat similar issue several years ago. It wasn’t in regard to cheating or another girl or photos, that was never an issue. But he was hiding an activity from me and lying about it and a lot of it revolved around hiding communication with another person through his phone. I told him I wouldn’t live with lying and that I was uncomfortable with the situations this other person put him in. He agreed that our relationship was the most important thing and that the other person/relationship/activity/communication was not important at all.

I told him he was welcome to look at my messages at any time and I expected to be able to look at his, without conversations being deleted. And I expected him to stop lying, about anything, immediately.

I asked him to stop communicating with that person, unless necessary for work. And I told him that given the sneaky-message hiding behavior, I couldn’t really trust that he was telling me the truth when he said he’d cut off communication. So i’d check periodically.

All of this sounds really serious when I type it out, but it wasn’t. It was very minor but I just wasn’t comfortable with what he was doing and didn’t trust/like/respect the other person at all and told him so. And I really didn’t appreciate the little white lies. I asked him if he’d feel comfortable if the roles were reversed and he said no. We both agreed that if we wanted to spend our lives together, we’d have to be willing to live in a way that makes our partner happy, comfortable and loved. If there’s something we do that affects the other one in an adverse way, for any reason, we stop doing it.

All of this is to say, if you’re uncomfortable with his actions as your SO, he has a duty to amend his actions. It works both ways of course. Whether it’s messaging this girl or deleting messages or lying to you. It doesn’t matter. If it makes you uncomfortable, he has to stop. You’ll be able to tell pretty easily if he actually does what you ask. When you live with someone there are no secrets. At least not for long.

Post # 113
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Needless to say, I agree with all other posts, there are all the red flags here, especially the naked pics of him, it just doesn’t make any sense. 

Post # 115
Member
2436 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@BewilderedBee:  ok….. I’m getting a little bothered by the way this is going, and I’ll tell you why.

 

If he IS cheating, he’s been lying to you this whole time and stringing you on. If this is the case, you two should probably  definitly break up. You can’t stay with someone who would do this to you.

 

If he ISN’T cheating, and he’s just got some weird habits with his privacy but he found out you were spying on him and didn’t trust him, he would be incredibly hurt, and the two of you should probably  definitely break up.

 

See? There is no salvation for you two unless you guys have a serious, genuine, no holds barred, last hope conversation about this. You can’t go on this way. It cannot work. You need to either decide whether you trust him enough to have a serious talk, where you give him some sort of ultimatum (this seems to be seriously working a number on you) or you need to decide to leave him. You can’t have a relationship where one person is probably cheating and the other is probably spying.

Post # 116
Member
2436 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

ps- I would only condone (legal) spying if you were married, fully intended to break up, and you needed some documentation for a divorce lawyer.

Post # 117
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

Someone I know found some kind of app or something online that allowed them to call a number and have any number that they chose to show up on the caller id.  You could use that and call him and have her number show up and see how he acts when he answers.  I think it was called cell phone spoofing.

Post # 119
Member
1396 posts
Bumble bee

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@BewilderedBee:  Wake him up and ask him right now who that number belongs to.

Then, LEAVE. He is cheating on you, clear as day. You can stay to hear his explanation or you can cut and run. I would run, this dude is completely toxic.

Post # 121
Member
1396 posts
Bumble bee

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@BewilderedBee:  I’m so sorry darling. It’s horrible and I won’t pretend that it doesn’t totally suck. I discovered a text to my ex-bf several years ago from a girl he’d hooked up with during an out-of-town weekend. I was so horribly hurt and upset. I tried to forgive him but in the end, the cheating and lying wasn’t worth all of the good I thought I was getting from him. In the end, he doesn’t deserve you. You absolutely deserve to be loved, adored, worshipped, and treated with respect and never, ever lied to.

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