- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I am a firm believer that we are gifted with “Women’s Intuition” for a reason. I’d store this in your mind’s filing cabinet somewhere… and continue to keep your eyes WIDE OPEN.
Chances are 50/50 he could be telling you the truth… or not.
It is yours to figure out… because if he is doing inappropriate stuff, it doesn’t look like he’s going to be honest / come clean with you on it (in that so far he has “reasons” for his behaviour choices)
IMO, a man who has nothing to hide… isn’t busy hiding it… or making excuses for it.
there are a lot of red flags here
I wish you the best of luck
My DH and I had a somewhat similar issue several years ago. It wasn’t in regard to cheating or another girl or photos, that was never an issue. But he was hiding an activity from me and lying about it and a lot of it revolved around hiding communication with another person through his phone. I told him I wouldn’t live with lying and that I was uncomfortable with the situations this other person put him in. He agreed that our relationship was the most important thing and that the other person/relationship/activity/communication was not important at all.
I told him he was welcome to look at my messages at any time and I expected to be able to look at his, without conversations being deleted. And I expected him to stop lying, about anything, immediately.
I asked him to stop communicating with that person, unless necessary for work. And I told him that given the sneaky-message hiding behavior, I couldn’t really trust that he was telling me the truth when he said he’d cut off communication. So i’d check periodically.
All of this sounds really serious when I type it out, but it wasn’t. It was very minor but I just wasn’t comfortable with what he was doing and didn’t trust/like/respect the other person at all and told him so. And I really didn’t appreciate the little white lies. I asked him if he’d feel comfortable if the roles were reversed and he said no. We both agreed that if we wanted to spend our lives together, we’d have to be willing to live in a way that makes our partner happy, comfortable and loved. If there’s something we do that affects the other one in an adverse way, for any reason, we stop doing it.
All of this is to say, if you’re uncomfortable with his actions as your SO, he has a duty to amend his actions. It works both ways of course. Whether it’s messaging this girl or deleting messages or lying to you. It doesn’t matter. If it makes you uncomfortable, he has to stop. You’ll be able to tell pretty easily if he actually does what you ask. When you live with someone there are no secrets. At least not for long.
I agree there’s a 50/50 chance he’s telling the truth. I don’t want to assume he’s lying and jump to crazy conclusions. I know a lot of what I’ve posted has made most bees assume he’s cheating/acting inappropriately, and I agree he’s been acting inappropriate but need to see real evidence to truly believe he’s cheating. I can’t imagine why he would cheat, or when he would even have the time to physically. We live together, so when he’s not home, he’s working and I’m almost always here when he is home. I think I’m just going to monitor his phone and his Facebook. I can log into my account on Verizon and see all the numbers he’s getting texts and calls from, so when it updates to the current bill cycle, I’ll be able to see if he’s still in contact with her. I’m going to get a hold of his phone when he’s sleeping tonight and write down all the numbers for work and family, so anything else will stand out when I look at the account online. Thank you bees for all of your help and support, it really means a lot to me.
Needless to say, I agree with all other posts, there are all the red flags here, especially the naked pics of him, it just doesn’t make any sense.
If he IS cheating, he’s been lying to you this whole time and stringing you on. If this is the case, you two should probably definitly break up. You can’t stay with someone who would do this to you.
If he ISN’T cheating, and he’s just got some weird habits with his privacy but he found out you were spying on him and didn’t trust him, he would be incredibly hurt, and the two of you should probably definitely break up.
See? There is no salvation for you two unless you guys have a serious, genuine, no holds barred, last hope conversation about this. You can’t go on this way. It cannot work. You need to either decide whether you trust him enough to have a serious talk, where you give him some sort of ultimatum (this seems to be seriously working a number on you) or you need to decide to leave him. You can’t have a relationship where one person is probably cheating and the other is probably spying.
ps- I would only condone (legal) spying if you were married, fully intended to break up, and you needed some documentation for a divorce lawyer.
Someone I know found some kind of app or something online that allowed them to call a number and have any number that they chose to show up on the caller id. You could use that and call him and have her number show up and see how he acts when he answers. I think it was called cell phone spoofing.
My stomach is churning right now because I’m positive he sent those pictures to someone. I don’t even know who, the number isn’t saved in his contacts, so I have no way of knowing who she is unless I call or text the number. I finally had the time to sit down and look through the entire list of messages and numbers he’s sent to and received from in the last few days. On the night he took those 3 pictures, he received 6 pictures from this number between 12:15 and 1:40am then sent 3 back to that number between 1:49 and 1:54am. He also sent one around 11pm and then received 3 back from a different number on the same night. There’s only one other picture message there to a number I don’t recognize, so it seems like this just started recently.
Right now he’s laying right next to me, napping after a long day of work and I seriously just want to hit him over the head with a frying pan. Or puke, I might puke.
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