(Closed) Found out about surprise shower, didn't invite friends/family

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yea, I think it’s a little weird. I would talk to your fiance and maybe he can bring up to her without seeming obvious.

Post # 4
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yea definitely a little weird. A shower is supposed to an event where all your loved ones come together for you, not just the friends and family of the host… definitely have your fiance hint at adding some of your friends and family that are local.

Post # 6
Member
9198 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I agree.  See if your Fiance can ask his mom about it.  He can play the semi-clueless guy, like “I read somewhere that in-laws throw a shower, whatever that is?  Are you doing that?  Did you invite Whitums’ friiends? and family.  I bet that would mean a lot to her.”

Post # 7
Member
46416 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Birdee106:  It’s not unusual here for the Future Mother-In-Law to throw a shower for her side of the family and close friends. The bride’s friends and family are not always invited as it can become  financially onerous for them to attend all the showers.

You said you didn’t want a shower so I am sure your friends and family are not surprised that they are not attending one for you. You still have time to change your mind and let someone host another shower.

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Eh.  I think it’s weird your mom isn’t invited, but that’s it.  Lots of times a family memeber will plan a shower for just that side of the family.  If she knew you didn’t want a shower, she may have just opted for a small one with her family as a sort of compromise.  Plus, she might not have the room or budget to host her family + your family + friends.

I also wouldn’t hold it against her that she didn’t plan it around your mother’s schedule.  It would have been nice, but perhaps she or other family wasn’t available in those weeks leading up to the wedding.  Or maybe she thought you’d be busy and didn’t want to take up any precious planning time.

Also, maybe she did invite your friends, but they are just keeping it a secret.

 

Post # 9
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Wow, your mom HAS to get invited somehow, someway. If you still have grandmothers, they too should get an invite. I agree with what some PP’s said that if this is a small, low-key thing it’s not that weird that she didn’t full out invite all your friends and extended family from yor list. But mom and g-mom’s….that would reallllly hurt my feelings, and my mother’s as well. Someone close to Future Mother-In-Law must’ve spilled the beans, otherwise you wouldn’t know, so I’d have them say something to her, or your fiance. 

After all….the bride’s parents usually host the wedding, and it’s a very important day for them as well. Not honoring them is not a good way to start things off. 

Post # 11
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@whitums:  I’m sure your family and friends will understand.  If they ask you about it, just say that you didn’t want one but Future Mother-In-Law decided to throw a small surprise one for just your FI’s family.  Since it’s common in a lot of cirlces, I’m sure they won’t be offended.

I agree that it would be nice to invite your mom – even if they cannot accomodate her schedule.  Do you know for sure she wasn’t invited?  Could your Fiance mention it to his mom?

Post # 12
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I can understand her feeling like this a shower for her family, and that if your family wants to throw you one, they can. I would maybe mention it to a bridesmaid/MOH and say that you feel sad they won’t be there and you would prefer to have a shwoer with everybody. Maybe Maid/Matron of Honor can talk to Mother-In-Law about making this a joint shower, or Maid/Matron of Honor can just throw you a friends and family shower?

Post # 13
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think it’s a bit weird. Its supposed to be about you not Future Mother-In-Law. I think I would let it slide so long as an invitation was extended to your Mum. That is the most important part. I would also get Fiance to talk to his Mum and somehow get her to move it to the week your Mum is in town. 

Post # 14
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

No that’s not normal. Its rude. My family would be offended.

Post # 15
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@julies1949:  This. FI’s stepmom is throwing me a shower for FFIL’s family and the couple of people from her family who are invited. I haven’t heard anything yet, but I assume that I’ll have at least one more for my side/FMIL’s side, since there are a billion people who would be invited.

I dislike bridal showers, so I requested that there not be anything typical. FSMIL threw a lovely baby shower that I attended, so I know she’ll be fine. I’m okay with games as long as they aren’t childish.

Post # 16
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@julies1949:  I agree.  I have been to both kinds of showers.  Ones where the bridesmaids throw it for both sides of the family and friends and ones where the Future Mother-In-Law throws it for the bride.  Your Future Mother-In-Law probably expects your BMs to throw a separate shower for your friends and family but she wanted to throw one for you too.  I wouldn’t be upset, I would be happy that my Future Mother-In-Law liked me enough to throw another shower for me.  It’s also a great way to meet your FH’s family without the distraction of your own friends and family that you know and would gravitate toward.

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