(Closed) Found out DH smokes weed not sure how to feel

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
9792 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

if hes using pot as an adult uses wine/booze reasonably, I’m of the meh what’s the big deal camp. It’s pretty harmless. He should do it at home though, to be more careful to not get caught by the law. It should be legal, it’s nothing short of a corporate/gover ment conspiracy that it’s not. Alcohol is far more dangerous. 

Post # 3
2574 posts
Sugar bee

I have cronic stomach issues and nothing I have found provides any sort of relief. MY fiance tired of seeing me in pain suggested smoking weed. I was very resistant to it as I am not the drugs type at all. You know what it works extremely well.I only do it occasionally and only enough to feel relief. Doing it myself has changed my prospective on people who smoke weed.

Seems like yout husband doesn’t have an issue more so your worried that you two will be judged?

Post # 4
1553 posts
Bumble bee

Not a big deal, as long as he doesn’t get caught, especially with the job he’s going to school for. I wouldn’t give him a hard time or anything.

Post # 5
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

privatebee1234:  While I don’t necessarily think smoking pot is a big deal (and it sounds like you don’t either) it’d make me uneasy to find out that my Fiance was keeping this from me. And I can totally understand your concerns regarding this jeopardizing his career.

However, I’d try to open up a dialogue about this and express your concerns without coming off like you’re judging him. Make it less about the actual pot smoking and more about the fact that he hid this from you.


Post # 7
177 posts
Blushing bee

Personally, I don’t think occassional, responsible pot smoking is a big deal.  But plenty of people disagree about that.  All that really matters is that you and your husband are on the same page about it.  I understand being upset that he hid it from you, but I also understand him being uncomfortable about it.  You guys need to discuss it further and decide what you’re both comfortable with.  

Post # 8
2512 posts
Sugar bee

privatebee1234:  I would make sure to explain to him (if you didn’t already) that your more hurt that he felt he had to hide it from you than the fact that he’s doing it.

Remind him to be careful and let him know he can be open to you about anything.

Post # 9
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Haha so far everyone that has responded has been like ‘eh no biggie’! 

Post # 10
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m going to be the devil’s adovcate here. I grew up with a father that smoked it, first at slow then it became his obsession. It RULED his life, he missed birthdays, holidays, he would actually call me high too. Can you imagine how that makes a person feel? 28 years later and he still does it. You can only imagine where our relationship stands.


I say if you seem to feel that this is okay, sure. But what will you do if those 1-2 days turns into, every day, twice a day. What if he starts more heavily and doesn’t tell you? What if you go to a family shindig and he smells of pot? There are deeper questions you should be asking yourself and speaking to him about.

Post # 11
3565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Hungry. Happy. Sleepy. 

If it’s not affecting his school or job, I see no harm.  Yes, maybe he should have told you, but he was afraid of how you’d react. Cut him some slack, if that’s all he’s doing, let him smoke. As long as he is careful with who/what/when/where he’s doing it, he’ll be fine. 

It really does help with stress, migraines, nausea, etc…I’d much rather be married to a smoker than a drunk. 

Post # 12
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I wouldn’t be too concerned about this.. I fail to see the big deal about someone recreationally using marijuana.

I would want to know why he felt the need to hide it from me though, maybe he feared judgement since it gets such a bad rap?

Post # 13
2934 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Personally, what you’re describing would not concern me.

That said, you are ALLOWED to feel however you feel. It’s not about how you “should” feel. How *do* you feel? Are you worried he will start to smoke more and more? Do you think it’s been affecting his ability to be productive and live his life? Are you more concerned about the fact that he didn’t tell you first than you are about the smoking? It sounds, to me, like you need to sit down and figure out what your thoughts and feelings are on the matter, and then discuss it with him.

Post # 14
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

privatebee1234:  If we lived in a state where it was legal, and he used it in moderation, I wouldn’t care. I don’t like it myself, but I consider it along the same lines as alcohol — pretty harmless when not used heavily.

If I lived in a state where weed was illegal, no, I would not be cool with him using it because that would mean risking jail time and a criminal record. That can screw up your life in multiple ways, and have far-reaching and long-lasting repercussions.

Post # 15
130 posts
Blushing bee

I’d have a bigger issue with the hiding thing than the actual using part. But that’s easily fixable.

For me I’d want to sit down, talk about boundaries and get it all out in the open. I’d want him to be able to talk to me about it and know when he’s using- and not have it be a big deal between us. But, in order to get that openness I think you really have to not care and not judge when he does it or talks to you about it. And both of you should be on the same page about the where it’s okay to use (location wise) and how often you both feel comfortable with and also where he’s getting it from and how much he’s spending on it. Treat it like reasonable adults would and I don’t see why it should ever be an issue. 

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