(Closed) Found out Feb 1st that my Mom has Stage 4 Lung Cancer

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4031 posts
Honey bee

@purple_sofia:  First, so sorry to hear this news. *hugs* My grandfather had stage 4 lung cancer by the time he was diagnosed. He received chemo therapy and lived about 10 months after they diagnosed it. He was able to walk around and be self-sufficient for about 8 of those months, though he was really week. He was hospitalized for the last two weeks of his life.

It is a tough journey, I wish you and your family the best in terms of a longer time with your mother.

ETA: Though leading up to your wedding might be stressful and you may feel distracted, it would be really nice if your mother can be in attendance for your special day.

Post # 4
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016


Aww I’m so so sorry. My friends grandma had stage 4 lung cancer, she opted for no treatment because by the time they found it, it had spread as well and she didn’t want to deal with the effects of chemo.  She was in her 70s.

i pray the scans come back clean. Hang in there.. 

Post # 5
2753 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

((Hugs)) I am so sorry, honey. Your family is in my thoughts.

Post # 8
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

DH’s father was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in August of 2010.  He went into nursing care in May of 2011. He was able to participate in everyday activities until July of 2011. He passed away in October 2011. 

Unfortunately i never knew him when he was well.  He did not live long enough to see us married, but I know Darling Husband took solace in the fact that his dad got to meet me.  My thoughts are with you and your family.  

Post # 9
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’m so sorry! My mother’s friend died after being diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. He wanted to fight it but the chemo actually caused him to have a heart attack which is what actually killed him. He was very overweight at the time which could very well have been what caused the complications with the chemo. I don’t know enough about it to know how common this is but I know because it was stage 4 they had to be aggressive.

Post # 10
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016


She lived for 5 months after her diagnosis but they were good months. She didn’t suffer and was able to really enjoy the time she had left. That was what she wanted and why she chose to forgo chemo, she knew she was going to pass away anyway and didn’t want to spend her last months sick. I think it was only a few days at the end where she ended up in the hospital and then passed away. 

Post # 11
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@purple_sofia:  I am so so sorry for what you’re going through. I’m thrilled your wedding is so soon, though!! Having her there will be extra special 🙂 

My grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer as well. She had chemo, and survived around 15+ months. No stories you read will be comforting though. Just cherish every day, every moment, and every breath. 

Post # 12
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m so sorry to hear about your mom and what your family is going through. I know what it feels like to hear that news, to feel like you’ve been punched in the chest and have to face the potential loss of someone so dear. I am sending lots of love and strength your way, knowing you will need it during this difficult time.

My mom doesn’t have lung cancer, but she was diagnosed with stage 4, terminal parotid cancer last spring. She originally found the tumor over Christmas (on a dental x-ray of all places), and by spring, they told her it was in her lymph nodes, lungs, and head. They gave her 6-12 months. She has had surgery and radiation, and now she is on chemo alone. She’ll get chemo for a few weeks, then take a break, then again. She is actually doing very well right now. She is strong, and we are hopeful that she will get a few more years. The doctors will paint the darkest picture because it is better to get more time than expected than less.

The hardest thing for me, besides trying to cope with my mother’s illness, is trying to find ways to support her while she faces her own mortality. I buy her silk scarves to wear now that she doesn’t wear a wig anymore (many salons partner with cancer foundations to provide wigs, cut and color them for free). I send her care packages now and then from place like thepamperedpatient.com. I put together chemo playlists or get her books to read for the many hours of treatments. Being proactive abut supporting my mother has really helped me to focus my mind on that and keep me sane. Maybe it could help for you, too.

Your dad will also need support. My father has found church again and has found a lot of help from the support network there, but my brother and I have made sure he knows that he will not be alone if and when my mother passes. He is facing the loss of his life partner, and we know he is as devastated as my mom and needs his own ways of coping. Having a solid at-home hospice plan has helped him because he knows that if the time draws near, he can call on this plan to have help as a caregiver. 

The key difference between dealing with early stage and late stage cancer is that my mother’s primary goal in receiving treatment is quality of life. I would really focus on helping your mom try to find ways to extend that above all else, the quality of her life, especially when it means finding ways to be fulfilled. My mom was weak for a while, but when her energy plateaus, she tries to get to zumba classes and has started geocaching. She has been doing well enough the last couple months that they are going to Hawaii soon between chemo cycles, something she has always wanted to do. Those sort of fulfilling, short-term goals and hobbies help keep the sense of meaning in her life.

Laughter and humor are also really important. It may not feel like it now, but there will be times your family will be gathered together looking at old photos or eating dinner, and you will laugh and find those moments of joy. I know this is nerdy, but once those moments started to come back, I kept thinking of the Dumbledore quote from Harry Potter: “Happiness can be found in even the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

Sorry for such a novel. I hope there’s something in there that you’ll find helpful during this difficult time.

Post # 13
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

 a friend of my family was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. she had cough/cold that she just couldn’t get rid of. she went to a few different doctors, had all kinds of tests done and they all told her they couldn’t find anything. finally, the 4th doctor is the one who found out it was cancer.

i believe she passed away about a year later. at the time of her death she was cancer free, i’m not sure exactly what happened, but she had to be put on life supprt and they eventually decided to let her go.

i’m so sorry to hear about your mom. i hope she’ll be well enough to be able to enjoy your wedding day with you and the rest of your family. you’re in my prayers.

Post # 16
2324 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m really sorry to hear this. Thinking of you.

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