Post # 1
I had a relationship with someone for 2 years in college and this was the kind of relationship where I could not state clearly WHY this person was right for me–as in there was really nothing other than the chemistry. But for whatever reason, our feelings for each other never changed, even years after we split up (which was a decade ago). Before I met FI, my ex got in touch with me and we tried to make things work but he reverted back to his ways (as in, he could not express himself emotionally, was always distant and would hardly ever see/call me). He made all these promises to me only to break my heart again. So I told him to forget it and never contact me again.
I met FI shortly after that, and it has been the most “emotionally safe” relationship of my life. I trust him completely and he is always doing all he can to make me happy. I love him deeply, but we don’t have amazing chemistry. But we do have a deep, unshakeable and wonderful love for one another. I have chosen to have a safe, stable and loving relatoionship instead of the unstable but “fully of chemistry” one I had with my ex.
Today I learned that my ex is getting married one week before me in the same city. I don’t know why but my heart sank. I just feel so strange right now, I can’t describe it….it’s just a sense of sadness and I feel guilty for feeling this way.
Is this normal? Do you think it’s a bad sign?
Post # 3
Gah. I’m a waiting bee. I’ve been dating my SO for 5 1/2 years now. I dated my ex for 3 1/2 years. He did date anyone after me until about a year ago, started dating some girl, and proposed to her within 8 months. THAT was a kick in my gut. The only thing I can do is sit here and hope for her sake he has changed and doesn’t treat her the same way he treated me with all the broken promises.
It sucks when we get that heart sinking feeling for whatever it may be about the ex. In your case, he’s getting married a week before you. But really, all you can do is the same as I do for my ex and his FI, hope for the best for them and stay out of it. Their lives are completely separate from mine and I can’t dwell on what’s going on in theirs.
Post # 4
- Wedding: December 2012 - Hacienda los Agaves
Sorry, I can’t relate, but I got a message from an ex shortly after Mr T and I announced our engagement on FB saying he felt “something” when finding out I’m getting married, this doesn’t mean he still has feelings for me but the thing here is that we shared somehting good and we’ll always be part of eachother’s life in one way or another and he just lost the feeling that that door might open again.
Post # 5
I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. That chapter of your life is closed for good now – it’s not unusual for your heart to twinge a little.
Post # 6
I think it’s normal. I felt a certain sadness that an old on again off again relationship was finally over for good when I realized I was getting serious with DH, and that I was most likely in it for the long haul. And that was my own doing.
Post # 7
“But for whatever reason, our feelings for each other never changed, even years after we split up”
Then why did you split up?
Is it possible that you have romaticized your past with this person? If you loved eachother SO much you wouldn’t have broken up.
Post # 8
I think its completely normal to feel that way & it’s not a bad sign at all.
Post # 9
I had that twinge when I found out my ex of 5 years was getting married to someone else…but I think that’s normal. There’s always that “what if” moment that you have with yourself and then you think…”wait…I have everything I ever wanted NOW so why am I bothering to think about it!?” 🙂 Very normal!
Post # 10
I had the same thing – the most amazing chemistry with someone I’ve ever felt, more than I ever knew was possible. It burned high then burned out for a variety of reasons.
My hubby is the same as yours – strong, steady, stable, doing everything to make me happy. I absolutely love him to pieces.
But yes, it’s normal to get a little deflated and feel strange when you find out your ex is with someone else and getting married. We’re human, and those emotions and chemistry were real. But I look back and realize the old saying about how the hottest flame burns out the fastest and I realize that I love what I have with my hubby 1000x more – a slow steady burn. He’s exactly what I NEED, and I wouldn’t replace it. I’m sure you’ll feel the same way.
Post # 11
I think that, if you didn’t have a bad breakup, these feelings are probably normal. I also think that, except in the case of really bad relationships, we can have a tendency to romanticize past relationships, so when you think back, you really only remember the good times.
Post # 12
A couple years ago, I saw that my ex was getting married on Facebook and I also had that stomach drop feeling. We had been together for about 3 and a half years in college, broke up shortly after graduation, and we hadn’t seen each other in five years. I don’t know why I had that feeling after all that time but I don’t think it necessarily means anything. It’s just a huge shock to the system!
Post # 13
@sylvia.riggle: Exactly, I have romanticized my past with him. I can honestly say that the only thing we had together was intense physical chemistry and attraction. He never opened up to me in a meaningful way, and we did not have that emotional/mental connection. He never even said he loved me–only told a friend of mine that he loved me but screwed everything up. It’s strange that I would feel this way towards someone who barely invested himself in our relationship. We broke up ultimately because I couldn’t deal with that kind of relationship–where he was so emotionally unavailable.
I now have a man who constantly expresses himself to me and tellls me he loves me all the time. I never feel insecure about our reltionship. That’s something I am forever grateful for 🙂
I guess I just needed to hear from everyone that my feeling of sadness was normal when hearing about my ex getting married. I’m happy to know that it’s a normal reaction.
Post # 14
Aw, I had the same reaction when my ex got engaged, even though I seriously couldn’t be happier for him. His fiance is perfect for him in a way that I never was. But yeah, there was so much history that I felt a little tug on my heart when he told me. I’d say totally normal and only human to feel that way. 🙂
Post # 15
@violet25: yes it is sadly to say even tho i was with my now FI at the time my heart did drop.
i even ot to see the wedding pictures (((yikes))) my heart really dropped.
p.s. this is the girl he left me for after us dating for 4 1/2 years.
but i got over it. when i felt upset about it i just let it out and cry ed dont hold it in for me at lease it prolongs the healing process. and i prayed alot to God. to help me get over this and go on with my life and you know what in no time me and my FI started to become serious and then engaged and e is just my best friend. i wish my ex nothing but the best in life blessings to them.
my FI is my best friend and we have so much fun together.
there was something better waiting for me and i thank God i dident miss it.
God is good! when you feel sad or angry about it go to a place where you can be alone and let it out. talk to a close friend and let it out. you will get over it much faster that way.
blessings to you. its not an easy thing to deal with.
Post # 16
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
It’s normal, even when you have no desire to actually be with that person anymore. It’s natural to wonder what could have been and somewhat disappointing to find out that they’re with someone else and it’s working out when for whatever reason you and him couldn’t work out.
My ex who divorced me because he didn’t want to be married and didn’t want any more children is now living with someone else who has three pre-teen boys. Glad to know he just didn’t want any kids with me but somebody else’s kids are just fine. Whatever. He’s her problem now and I say to let her enjoy, especially since I know his other exes and every 5-6 years he gets bored and moves on to greener pastures. I’m just glad I didn’t end up having a kid with him.