- 11 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
Last night I found out my ex-husband’s Mom asked my Mom if she can move into her spare room and my Mom agreed. The ex’s Mom is someone that was very close to me, but I’ve been trying to separate myself from her (even before Fi and I got together) because I wanted to uncomplicate future relations with my possible future husband.
2 years ago, before I left out of country, I wanted to say goodbye to her, so I visited her for a month. My mentality back then was I wanted to start anew, on a clean slate … and IF I would meet someone new, I’d know I left with a proper goodbye. By The Way, my ex does not at all talk to his Mom, they have no relations whatsoever. I also haven’t had any contact with him whatsoever.
Last night, I got an email from her friend that asked me to call her (ex’s Mom). I knew then something was up. When I called her, she started balling saying she hates where she lives and she can’t take it anymore, that she’s so alone … she found out one of her friends tried to commit suicide and it really got to her. She’s been wanting to move but she has no family and no opportunity to do so. She’s now 62 and qualify for early retirement. She has nowhere else to go and asked how I’d feel if she lived with my Mom. She continued with how very grateful she is that my Mom accepted her even after all that her son had done. I feel bad for her and I agreed it would be alright, but after thinking about it more, I can’t deny that it’s just weird!
What will happen when my Fi’s parents come to visit? What will happen when we have kids and she’s still there? Will my babies think she’s also their Gmom?
I just called my Mom and asked her about this and she said that she’s just going to introduce her as her roommate and friend. She said she doesn’t care what anyone says because she feels so bad for her. Plus, she would like someone in the house to look after my grandma and grandpa (they are still very active and healthy, but Gpa now has signs of alzheimers) and the little rent she’ll be charging will help.
My Mom said she thought I’d be angry at her for saying yes, but she said she felt so bad for her, she couldn’t possibly say no. I feel bad too, and discussed it with Fi and he’s totally fine with it. So that’s done … it’s weird, there’s no way around it and the move seems multually beneficial.
So now, I’m wondering about Fi’s parents. Do we not tell them? They will feel uncomfortable because they don’t know I’m divorced – we’re not keeping it from them, it’s just that it’s never come up. I want to talk about US and our plans, the last thing I even wanna think about is crap about my ex! I think it’s private, my Fi also thinks it’s private and they don’t need to know — although they’re totally open-minded and wouldn’t mind. But how the heck do I say, “Oh, By The Way, I’m divorced and ummmm … my ex’s Mom … ummm … now lives with my Mom …”. WTF?!? They’ll be in different continents and will hardly ever visit, but I’d feel like I’m deceiving them if we keep it from them the whole time.
So should I tell them about who she is? Or just follow my Mom’s cue and not make it a big deal and not tell them.
By The Way, her position isn’t THAT bad, I mean she’s not in a ghetto or anything! She lives in highrise in Waikiki! The ex stopped talking to his Mom on his own nearing the end of our relationship – it had absolutely nothing to do with me. I always felt so bad for her since she did everything for her son. We only got really close after my divorce – I figure if he’s not gonna talk to her, I will … and we’re similar and really got along. I still consider her as a 2nd Mom. Fi always knew this and has always been totally fine with it. I think he’s more fine with it than I am.