(Closed) Found out my family invited 180 more people to wedding…

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
11535 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Oh my word. I cannot even imagine. How would there even have been enough invitations remaining from YOUR guest list for him even to have issue all of these other invitations, or is he using word of mouth as his primary method of inviting these individuals?  How does he plan to even track all of these extra RSVPs?

ETA: I just re-read your post to see that your wedding is in five days, so my question about the RSVPs clearly is moot.

Post # 19
5091 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

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@jessicaashley:  WTF.


Yeah, tell your dad to pick up the phone now.  Then get security.


If your dad doesn’t call these people to explain why they are NOT actually invited, I would honestly remove him from the guest list, and then security would kick HIM out, too.

Post # 20
10449 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

View original reply
@jessicaashley:  Oh my god!! I know he’s your dad, but damn I’d slap him. I definitely agree abut getting security if your dad refuses to either pony up or disinvite them. That’s just unbelievable. More than DOUBLE!

Post # 21
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Here’s the thing. This is so abnormal that it’s completely mind blowing. Yes, all brides deal with pushy people/family to some extent, but I’d be committing my father to the mental ward if he ever did this.

You seem to be resigned to just letting the people come. You owe it to the guests that you invited to host them as you intended. Making them fight for food, parking, seating, and toilets is not right and it’s going to ruin your wedding completely. I think your option are 1) moving the event, 2) security, or 3) cancel completely and just elope. 

Post # 22
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My mom tried to do the same thing and I had to put my foot down.

Dont’ worry to much I’m sure many many of them will not show if they don’t know you.

What are your meal plans ? Tell your dad he needs to dish out money to feed everyone who comes extra.

he is right though you’ll be getting a few extra gifts-and from people who don’t even show up. my mom wanted me to use invites to announce the wedding I told her we can make anonuncments and send them to those who didn’t get invited after the wedding.

Post # 24
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My suggestion is to create a ticket system, I know this seems a little odd, but you give YOUR guests free tickets obviously, and your dads guests can purchase tickets or he can for them. This is just for the meals/ drinks if your doing an open bar. I think the food is going to be the biggest issue expecially if your guests don’t get food b/c of his guests. Maybe instead of leaving it up to your dad ( who doesn’t cound ver accomodating) you should call those people and telll them to swing by for the dance, make it a casual invite but clear they are only welcome after dinner. Or perhaps you can go really backyard style and buy a pig for a pig roast, a ton of corn and potatoes? with only 5 days to go you need to make some quick decisions. I hope that this all works out for you, such a shitty thing to have to deal with.

Post # 25
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

That is absolutely insane!! Especially considering that he is throwing a fit upon being called out for MORE THAN DOUBLING your guest list. Is he usually this reckless?

I’m not saying that this is what should be done, but if it were me, I’d elope. All of the other options just seem like logistical nightmares.

Post # 26
6734 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply

I would disinvite him AND everyone he invited.  Seriously. 

Post # 27
585 posts
Busy bee

OMG girl I would be LIVID!! You poor thing. I really hope you figure out a good plan. The security guard idea is a great one, and the only way I can think of to take control. I seriously doubt he will call anyone to cancel when he is bizarrely intent on going around you. Even if you switch locations he (and maybe others) will just get on the phone to notify everyone as soon as he can and they will show up eventually anyway.

If it were me I would cancel everything and start over again, and/or elope, but I am just extremely stubborn and would take back complete control at whatever cost. I know it’s probably too late in the game for you to do that but whatever you do, remember that the only important things are that you get married, and thAt you are happy about your wedding day…whatever it takes for that to happen for you. In 20 years, you don’t want any regrets, so do whatever it takes to make YOU happy.


Post # 28
3681 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Is he normally an asshole?  Going behind your back, ruining your plans, and screaming in your face are not things that good people who love you do.

Post # 29
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2023

I don’t have any advice that others haven’t already given, but I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry that this has happened. I would go down the security route, let your dad know what’s happening, and then sit back and not let it get to you. Focus on everything else. This is not your problem to deal with. It’s your dad’s (and, to an extent, your potential security ‘turner awayer’).

In five days you’re going to be married to your man – that’s the part to focus on. As long as you’re married at the end of it – it’s a success 😀

ETA: If you go with security, make sure that whoever is there knows not to listen to anyone except you in terms of who gets in. Chances are that dad will try to give them a different list/let other people in – so make sure that security know the score, and you have total control of that. Also, I would get in touch with the local law enforcement, and give them a heads up just in case there is a big fuss, and some people need some extra ‘encouragement’ to leave.

Post # 30
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

This is BANANAS! I think you are handling it unbelievable well, and you’ve received lots of great ideas. I can’t even imagine what I would do, to be honest. 

I’m wondering – are there any family cultural issues at play here? That would NOT make it better, but I’m just wondering if there is some massive generational gap here due to family heritage that could be driving his bizarre decisions?

UGH! I am feeling for you.

Post # 31
11259 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

View original reply
@Cappugcino:  +1.  exactly what i was thinking.

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