(Closed) Found out my MOH is pregnant, wedding nine months away.

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 46
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

pearlrose:  Stop it with your logic!  Everyone must have a cooresponding person to walk with or how in the world will the ceremony proceed?  Plus whoever doesn’t have a partner will be too busy crying in the corner, sucking on their thumb because boo hoo they have to walk by themselves.

*please read in a sarcastic tone ๐Ÿ™‚ *

Post # 48
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Wow! Sorry for the drama. I don’t think anything has to change but you likely need to have a plan B in case something happens and she is unable to actually be at the wedding for some reason. If she is able to and wants to be your Maid/Matron of Honor – then have a wonderful wedding ๐Ÿ™‚ As many people have said, just making sure she doesn’t feel obligated to be in your wedding when she may be very pregnant or have a very new baby is a good idea. If you never mention it then she might stay in even though it stresses her out. 

Post # 49
Member
7645 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t know why everyone’s jumping on one bee’s back for suggesting a backup Maid/Matron of Honor. Someone has to hold the bride’s bouquet during the vows. Someone has to sign the register as a witness. Someone has to stand closest to the bride during photos. And in many weddings, some woman has to give a speech or toast. Now I understand that none of those are hard (apart from the speech for many people), and they don’t require a title “MOH”, but there does need to be some sort of contingency plan if the Maid/Matron of Honor can’t make it, which is a very real possibility.

Of course, there’s no need for any of that now. Have that discussion a few months down the track when Maid/Matron of Honor knows her due date.

Personally speaking, I would have had trouble doing anything at all in a wedding in the first 2-3 weeks after my baby was born.

Post # 50
Member
969 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think “backup MOH” is the right way to put it, but you *do* need someone in the wings whom you trust and feel close to to sign your wedding certificate as your witness, just in case your Maid/Matron of Honor is unable to attend.  This is a valid concern to have and is not selfish at all.

Post # 51
Member
969 posts
Busy bee

aussiemum1248:  That particular Bee is known for being ganged-up on by several other Bees on a regular basis.  It’s sad, really.

Post # 52
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Cellar 222

MissesAwesome:  I always feel bad for princessbee1991! She always seems like her heart is in the right place, even if sometimes her advice doesn’t quite hit the mark.

Post # 54
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Well then… Back to the actual OP questions/situation.  I read this title expecting another one of those “how dare she get knocked up!” posts, so kudos to you for being a good friend!  That being said, it makes sense you are a bit bummed that she might not be able to be there.  I’d be more concerned if you WERENT bummed you BFF may not be able to come to your wedding!

I had bridesmaids with a 6 week old and 7 week old… One was my nephew and was a ring bearer in a stroller ๐Ÿ™‚ At my bachelorette party the babies were under 4 weeks old but they both came to the majority of it and left before bar hopping. They made sure to have battery operated pumps for the bach party and wedding and pumped or breastfed when they could. 

Sounds like your MOH’s due date might be even closer to the wedding, so I’d just continue being flexible, leave what she can do up to her and hopefully your other bridesmaids will be able to step up for anything needed.  

Post # 55
Member
2136 posts
Buzzing bee

freckles071611:  I agree with this. Be prepared that your friend might not be able to make it at all, but also be prepared in case she does. Making sure there’s a chair for her up front at the ceremony, things like that. If she isn’t there, can she write a speech and have one of the other girls acknowldge her and read it? Don’t replace her, just let her be Maid/Matron of Honor in spirit ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 56
Member
7917 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

rainpeliever:  

Well, that is very nice of you, and she will love you for it.   But she isn’t ‘ganged up on’, she just regularly offers such completely irrelevant  posts/responses , usually featuring  her own life and often phrased in some religiously judgemental way,   that people get totally exasperated with her. 

Post # 57
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

lulu_bell:  I havent read any posts on this board except the first post but one of my bridesmaids due date is May 23rd and and my wedding is June 4th. She’s the best friend I have in the wedding (we don’t have MoH or best man) and last week she told me she isnt going to be in the wedding nor does she even think she’s going to show up at all for the ceremony or reception. Prepare for something like this to possibly happen. Months ago when I found out that she was pregnant, I talked to her and made her well aware that if she wanted to pull out of the wedding that it was okay with me and that she should do what is best for her. Admittedly, I was a little hurt last week when she pulled out of the wedding and especially when she told me she’s probably not coming at all. I think I was expecting her to withdraw from the wedding but not to decide already that she’s not coming at all. I’ve learned that our weddings are a much bigger deal to our own self than they are to anyone else and people will make decisions that reflect that, which is okay. I just thought that if the roles were switched and it was her wedding, I would have at least tried to be there, or not canceled on the event 5 months in advance. Im in the middle of a night shift and i’m rambling now but good luck to you and congratulations!

Post # 60
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

aussiemum1248:  I feel like there are certain posters that think if the Maid/Matron of Honor does not attend (not just in OPs case but in any case) that it is some huge catastrophyt that is going to mess everything up.  Guess what?  It won’t.  Naming a back-up Maid/Matron of Honor is rude to the person that is the Maid/Matron of Honor.  You are basically saying that if you don’t show up it is no big thing because I have someone that can easily replace you.

And you don’t have to plan out a whole contingency plan.  A lot of this shit is common sense.  If the person that was going to sign your license, if needed, is not there then you simply ask someone else that day.  No prior thinking or planning involved.  Speeches are not necessary.  If they volunteered to do a speech and then for some reason couldn’t make it, guess what, there is just no speech given.  Not a biggie.  The day will go on just fine without a Maid/Matron of Honor.  A Maid/Matron of Honor does not make or break a wedding.  No major changes needed.

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