(Closed) Found out some things about FSIL

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
8116 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@chubbypanda:  Personally I never rely on second hand or one-sided biased information. He was venting so just ignore it and not let it affect your feelings towards your FSIL. But you should probably have stopped him and told him it was making uncomfortable. It is always better to not get in between fighting spouses especially when you are only hearing one side and especially when it is family.

I mean there are a million posts on here with bees complaining about their partners. It is what people do. Find a safe space and vent.

Post # 4
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@chubbypanda:  …why is he marrying her? If he bothered to open up to you about those things, I think might have said “you know those are big red flags? Just think long and hard about them, don’t just go into this to save face.” 

I don’t know what else to say. Cat’s out of the bag, and even if you shouldn’t have been told those things, you were. And you have every right to dislike her because of them. Being angry at the thought of you guys getting pregnant first is absurd. Threatening to divorce him if he doesn’t have sex the night of the wedding is full on crazy territory. She sounds like the type who would poke holes in condoms. 0_0

Post # 5
42 posts
  • Wedding: November 2014

as you say, they are very private issues. And remember, you only heard one side of the story, and after BIL had been drinking. It may not even be the whole truth. I would do your best to put it out of your mind, and certainly never mention it to FSIL.

Post # 7
1222 posts
Bumble bee

I think you have to give FSIL the benefit of the doubt on this one. Wedding stress can bring out the worst in anyone. If their wedding is in 2 weeks, BIL is probably just stressed and venting his frustrations. He obviously is marrying her for a reason, i highly doubt he has been duped into marrying her. Even if what he says is true, i still find them to be relatively minor issues.

Post # 8
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Is your BIL a glutton for punishment?  I think your DH should have a heart-to-heart talk with him and get him to ask himself if a life with her is what he really wants.  

Post # 9
6550 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@chubbypanda:  from the soubds of it…she is extremly immature.

She hates your wedding photos bc BILs ex is in them? What does she want you to do? You had no ides they would break up and even that irrelevant!

She wants to get pregnant before you? Well thats the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard, you have been married longer and have been together longer. So it would make sense for you to get pregnsnt first.

If I were you, I wouldnt try anymore to have a relationship bc I wouldnt want a relstionship with someone who is so childish

Post # 10
7450 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Live your life and not focus on it. Everyone in life doesnt have to like you or your life decisions. Oh she’ll be mad if you get pregnant, oh well. She will suck it up.

Post # 11
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sounds to me as if your BIL is the one with the problem here! The fact that he wants to share such personal information suggests that he’s far from happy with his FI. 

My advice would be to worry less about the details he’s shared and more about why he’s shared them. Is he just having a vent at a very stressful time or is this evidence that he’s getting serious cold feet?

Either way, you need to tread carefully. It never pays to take sides and quite honestly, it never helps to rely on one-sided reports. So I certainly wouldn’t take any of this up with her. If they are having problems then they need to sort them themselves.

In reality, your FSIL has no influence on when you get pregnant so ignore that. The same goes for your wedding photos since you can’t turn back time. 

Sure, I can understand why this discussion has left you thinking how difficult it will be to get closer to your FSIL but right now, I’d steer clear!

Post # 12
233 posts
Helper bee

@chubbypanda:  He told you all of this information when he was tipsy, and probably needed to vent.

You don’t know EVERY detail of their relationship, and for good reason. Take it with a grain of salt. I feel like he was stressed, and probably exaggerating… Even if all of this is entirely true, you don’t know when or why they even discussed these things. You’ve been fed nibbles of information about your FSIL, don’t let it change your relationship. 

Post # 13
11284 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

honestly, all of these issues sounds like her problems.  she sounds superficial.

just be the best wife, dil, sil you can be.  her true colours will come out to all eventually.

Post # 14
234 posts
Helper bee

A man you’re not in a relationship with told you private things about his relationship and his sex life with his fiancee? That’s where I’d focus my attention. That is wholly inappropriate for him – you do not complain to another woman about the woman you’re in a relationship with. Nope. Totally inappropriate.

Post # 15
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You do nothing.  Let him make the mistakes and learn from them. 

Post # 16
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would let it go. Maybe she didn’t want to persue a relationship with you because of BIL’s ex…though that’s not your fault. That probably wasn’t smart of BIL to say all that because it sets up a negative relationship for you and his future wife, but like a PP said..I guess he was venting. I would go on and do you and forget about that. 

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