(Closed) Found out the real reason my BM backed out

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

{{HUGS}} to you girlie. i can only imagine how you feel. πŸ™

Post # 4
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry that you found out what really caused her to back out.  But it sounds like that guy is really bad for her.  Unfortunately, you can’t make her stop seeing him unless she wants to so I’m not sure what you could to do help her get out the situation.  I don’t think anyone wants to be in a relationship with someone who won’t let them do anything on their own.

Post # 5
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yikes that is NOT a friend at all IMO. I would call her out on her crap and if she gives a lame excuse tell her that your done (it sounds like you are) and say adios! You don’t need people like that around that only are friends with you when they need something.

Post # 6
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@shannon….wow. If a man can prevent your friend from being there for someone who obviously has had her back….then all you can do is feel sad for her. And of course, get your money for those tickets.

Post # 7
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Ugh, that totally sucks! I’m really sorry πŸ™

Just know that there’s a really good chance she’ll look back and be really upset she missed your wedding because some jerk she was dating didn’t want to make the trip. It’s usually the people in your friend’s situations that have the regrets. We had quite a few very close friends and relatives miss our wedding, or back out right before, for stupid reasons, and they all regret it now. However, WE had a blast that day πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m really sorry you found that out πŸ™ That really sucks… I understand what you mean though – at first I felt bad for her and tried to help her and stand by her, but at some point it just becomes too much for you to handle yourself and unfortunately me and her do not even speak anymore… She got rid of the guy eventually and even has protection orders against him, but by that point we had already grown apart too much to become friends again.

Post # 9
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’m going to say something that might not be well received.

It sounds like your friend’s bf is isolating her from her friends. That’s an initial sign of a potential abuser. If he’s as narcisistic and self-absorbed as your are describing, your friend might be getting into a situation that she won’t be able to easily get out of. I’m not saying he’s hurting her but I’d caution you to not cut her off yet. I understand that you’re hurting because of her actions, I would be hurting too. All that I am saying is instead of completely removing yourself from her life, just be in contact with her once in a while.  Maybe go out for coffee a few times a year and swap the occasional email.

It’s hard what she’s done to you, bailing because of a boyfriend.  It stinks and is hurtful. All I ask is that perhaps she isn’t telling you everything, or even seeing everything herself.  I know it’s not likely, but just in case.

Post # 10
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. She needs to learn how to be a real friend!

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Ouch…I’m so sorry you’re going through this. After what a very good friend you’ve been to her, you don’t deserve the way she’s treating you. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

Post # 12
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

That sucks all around. I echo what maiseymay said. She sounds like she’s being isolated and it sounds abusive. I agree, perhaps don’t cut her out. She may need you if she ever decides to get out, and her friends not talking to her sounds like something he wants.

Post # 13
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’m a little concerned for her too.  She seems to get in bad relationships.  Does she have low self esteem?

Post # 14
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

That REALLY sucks.. It sounds like you’ve done a lot for her and been a good friend. It sounds like her boyfriend is pretty controlling!

Post # 15
Member
1232 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

That really stinks, I would be hurt too, but I have to agree with maisymay. I would be a little worried about her. She obviously has horrible luck with relationships (cheating ex) which could’ve caused some major self esteem issues. It sounds like this new d-bag boyfriend is taking advantage of that πŸ™

Post # 16
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with PPs who say she’s being isolated in what is potentially a emotionally abusive relationship. I lived that, so let me say this from the other side – you have a right to be pissed at her, to tell her she’s wrong and that you’re not going to tolerate her as a friend if she is going to continue to let this guy rule her life. What will happen then is she won’t talk to you for a while, but she will know you are right. When she eventually comes to the realization ON HER OWN that she has to break up with this d-bag, she will come back to you, and you will accept her friendship back. That is exactly what happened with me and a friend of mine – she told me off when I was ditching her because of my ex, and we didn’t talk for a long time, but I realized I acted wack once I was out of the relationship and now we’re BFF again. Don’t hold this grudge forever but you’re well within your right (and you SHOULD for her benefit later) tell her how you feel about what she did.

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