Found photos of younger girls on his phone…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 135
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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kdums2018 :  if your husband turned out to be a pedophile, you would stay with him? What about if you had children? 

Post # 136
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

[comment deleted for violation of TOS]

Post # 137
Member
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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Beth7210 :  

Oh dear gawd.  I am so sorry for all you have had to endure.  I think you’re being quite generous, settling for solitude and castration.

Post # 138
Member
6166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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kdums2018 :  What if the person was ur mother, ur sister father or child would u still cut them out ?

>>You do realize that most abuse/physical/sexual is done by family members or close friends? I think that you need to educate yourself, and I don’t mean that in a snarky way. It’s just that your replies are so naive and without any knowledge about pedophilia.

Post # 139
Member
1785 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

[comment deleted for violation of TOS]

Post # 140
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

The idea that a woman should stay by her pedophile husband’s side just because she promised her life to him is absolutely ridiculous. I don’t even have children yet and I can already promise that if ANYONE hurt them, or was even a risk to their safety, I would cut them out in a heartbeat. Even if it were my partner who I said my vows to. I’m sorry but if it were between those spoken vows and the instinctual maternal promise I have made to love and protect my children from the moment of their conception, my responsibility to my children would trump all. They are my blood, half of them is my DNA, I carried them in my womb and gave them a life that I am responsible for protecting. My promise to ensure that protection is far greater than any other promise I could ever make. End of story.

OP, I really do hope you and your daughter are okay.

Post # 141
Member
951 posts
Busy bee

I’m purposely ignoring kdums2018 comments -[comment edited by moderator]

To OP – I’m still hoping you give an update on who you reached out to and what your next steps are.  

 To  echomomm :  

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midnightramesses :  who both mentioned the idea of knowingly subjecting your child to your OWN abuser – I agree this is horrifying! I am not defending the behaviour but there is a very werid psychology behind it. I don’t know if it’s a form of stockholm syndrom or a different result of PTSD, but there are several victums who beleive that the abuse is their fault, that they are dirty/bad/responsible and as a result they don’t think the culprit would do it to others. It’s *their* shame and theirs alone. 

Of course this is WRONG. Not only is it not the child’s fault (EVER), but the perpitrator is always hurting or hunting other victims.  I am NOT excusing putting a child in jeopardy. But I am saying that when an adult exposes a child to their OWN abuser – there is likely a psychological form of self-blame that the person hasn’t worked out yet. 

There are a LOT of adult victims who have never had access to the right help. If they understood the situation differently, I’m sure they would never expose their children to it. 

 

Post # 142
Member
2198 posts
Buzzing bee

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latestlog :  Bees gave a lot of good advice and support, so I won’t share the same sentiments. However I would thread carefully to collect more evidence before making sudden moves. Idk what state you are in, but in my state (I work as paralegal), in divorce proceedings- shared 50/50 custody (well, they threw out custody term, now its “timesharing”) is the golden standard. It is extremely difficult to “looose custody”. As in pretty non existent. Almost everyone gets some “timesharing”. Courts are used to false accusations from spouses (of course yours are not, I am saying courts see it everyday and are accustomed to it, spouses call DCF in each other in spite, make false abuse allegations, get restraining orders for shits and giggles coz they are pissed…seen it all). You need a LOT of evidence to convince a judge to award custody. If he senses you are on him, he being tech savvy can delete everything and be very careful going forward. And Pinterest board of young dancers is absolutely not enough to give police probable cause to make a search. 

Post # 144
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I would collect all the evidence you can and hide it where he can’t get to it and then go to a lawyer. 

Post # 145
Member
1785 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

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latestlog :  how are you doing bee?

Post # 146
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

OP how’s it going?? You ok???

Post # 148
Member
11385 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

*General reminder bees, given the revival of this thread, please do not call one another trolls, etc. use the flag to alert us if you suspect trolling. 🙏🏽 *

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sassy411 :  so glad you shared that link. I realize how hard this is for people to understand from the outside, but I also wish (not aimed at Skylar as she wasn’t doing this) that we as a culture would focus our questions and demands for explanations on predators instead of victims. 

Amazing how skewed our lens is, it only serves to let the predator off the hook a little bit more.

Post # 149
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

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Beth7210 :  I am so so so sorry that happened to you. That is unthinkably horrible

Post # 150
Member
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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BalletParker :  

It’s especially destructive with children.  People refuse to believe kids are being abused when they see the children being clingy with the abusive parents.  The abused child may suffer horrible homesickness or separation anxiety when away from the abusive parents.

Very easy symptoms to miss.

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