Post # 151
Thank you for everyone who took the time to read and respond…unfortunately I have exhausted all avenues and there is nothing I can do legally.
I contacted a local crisis line and was told
“Perhaps you could try lines specialized in Domestic Violence or Sexual Assault?”
So I tried that and was told
“Well, honestly I’m afraid I don’t have advice for this. I can’t tell you the best path to pursue here. If you feel you need legal assistance in this police or lawyers are your best resource.”
“But honestly I think they’ll tell you the same as me. That suspicious is not enough to convict.”
I contacted a lawyer and was told
“There isn’t anything I can do without actual evidence. Pinning photos on pinterest and liking photos on Instagram are not illegal. Your state favors joint custody. If you try to pursue this without actual evidence, you’ll look like you’re just trying to pull a power play to keep custody of the child to yourself.”
I contacted the police who said
“I could see how this trend would disturb you, unfortunately because you have not found anything that crosses into actual child pornography, there is nothing we can do. “
So here I am. Trapped in a personal hell. Not able to do anything, and yet I have to do something. I can’t just sit around waiting for someone to get hurt. <!–/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/share/clipdata_180608_231130_500.sdoc–>
Post # 152
- Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club
oh bee. look, you have done so so much to keep your family and others safe!!!! you should be proud!!
Post # 153
I have accomplished nothing…
Post # 154
I’m very sorry that nothing can be done at this time. 🙁 I can’t imagine being stuck in the position you are.
Due to it being out of anyone’s hands currently for legal recourse especially for custody, I can’t tell you where to go from here but…I do hope you’ll look after yourself and at least reach out for emotional support whether from family or a professional. What you’re navigating is not easy so try not to shoulder it all on your own.
I would definitely try to continue monitoring discreetly to the best you can.
Best wishes and thoughts.
Post # 155
bee does he have Facebook? Or Instagram Can you make a fake account pretending to be a teenager and engaging conversation with him and see if he bites? I know this is wrong but honestly I think this would be you’re last resort to see if he would talk and say anything inappropriate??? A few of my girl friends have done this to suspicious SO’s to see if they were up to something. I hope you find help this is so crazy
Post # 156
Bee, I am so sorry this is happening to you. I spoke at length with someone I really trust about this especially after your update.
I think you should consider confronting him at this point since all the other avenues were dead ends. His response would be very insightful – especially how he responds to your concerns about your child. If he accepts and realises it’s a problem then he might consent to monitoring etc by a social worker to prevent him from harming any children, or does he become defensive and somehow try and justify it? Basically you need to guage how far along this has developed and put him in a situation where you/ someone qualified can scrutinise his behavior. If he fucks up in any way at all (looking at a dodgy site, pinning, nit accounting for his whereabouts or whatever has been agreed tonwith the counsellor) then at least you have the “evidence” you need to prevent him from getting shared custody of your daughter. I’m not sure I’m explaining it well here, please pm me if you have questions or would like to talk, but this is all that we could think of as a possible next step for you since you can’t just do nothing.
Big hugs bee, this is a very frightening terrible situation.
Post # 157
if you have the funds, the best thing you can do right now is hire a PI. Currently there’s a lack of evidence for his doing anything wrong – the police aren’t going to follow up on this unless you find actual child porn. A PI is how to do that (though hopefully this hasn’t gone any further).
Post # 158
Oh, Bee. I am so sorry the system failed you. But, I am glad you updated us.
The most important thing now is to keep your daughter away from him as much as you can. Are you planning to separate?
And, keep digging.
Post # 159
It feels like nothing – but you’ve tried all the suggestions made here – which is commendable. I can’t imagine the stress of making those calls and having to keep explaining the situation over and over. And living in limbo as you are.
The idea of hiring a PI to help look for evidence is an interesting idea… Possibly costly and possibly futile though. Have you discussed any of this with a close friend or family member? Someone trustable that can be supportive? My big fear would be the 50-50 joint custody, should you separate. But if you separate who can watch him when he’s alone with your daughter? I wouldn’t think as a baby that she’s in danger yet. But when she is older she might be.
Post # 160
bee where about are you? I know of a group of people in the uk who catch pedophiles, they have people pretending to be 12-15 year old girls and get them to agree to have sex with them and catch the people and send the evidence to the police. They actually caught my old next door neighbour!
Post # 161
I would normally NEVER recommend this, especially because it what split me and my ex up…but there is a spyware software you can put on your computer.
My ex thought I was up to something suspicious and put it on my laptop. I had no idea. It was saving screenshots of every different website I went on with the date and times. I only discovered about it because he once accidentally left it open on my laptop and I saw a screenshot of him using a webcam to masturbate to a girl….I, on the other hand, was innocent.
I wish I could remember the name of the spyware. I will see if I can google it. If he’s up to anything dodgy/watching illegal porn, it’ll save it.
Post # 162
I’m not sure if this is allowed bit what about setting up a go fund me account to raise for the PI?
Post # 163
Idk why, but WB ate my response. My suggestion was to get an external drive then put the following command into the terminal
cat ~/*.jpeg > /path/to/external/drive/picture.jpeg
this will concatenate any jpeg picture files in his home directory into a single file on an external drive. Where I’ve put the words path to external drive, write in the location you find when you right click properties on the drive. You can do this with other picture file types, just change jpeg to that name, like png. Then you can unplug and look through at you leisure. I think this should look recursively into each folder of the directory, but you could replace the ~/*.jpeg with /home/User/Documents/*.jpeg or whatever the right click location is of the folder is.
Post # 164
Search “terminal” in applications.
if he isn’t a super hacker, he won’t have the hard drive partitioned to hide his dirt. But you can google how to view hard drive partitions on your OS (windows, Mac, Linux) and if he has it partitioned, it could be something you would need root (admin) privileges to see. There are commands to simply move files or copy files but the concatenate option is nice because then it’s just 1 on your usb external drive.
Post # 165
Hey! OP what happened with this?!?! Hopefully not terrible news