Found photos of younger girls on his phone…

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 106
Member
9606 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

kdums2018 :  if my options are cut them out or endanger my child?  Cut them out.  100%  If I didn’t have an underage child then sure, I would spend time with them and do my best to help them.  But visitation, even supervised, would be a hard no.

OK, so let’s say dad, or uncle Joe, or big brother Sammy, or grandma Jean, are pedophile (hopefully not all of them, just.. one of them, for the sake of the hypothetical) whom you allow to have supervised visits with your child.  If you can get past the shudder that runs through your spine every time this known pedophile touches your child (pat on the shoulder, holding her hand, hug, whatever) are you really happy with the idea that your child will have a trusting relationship with this person?  That they will be excited to happily climb in the car if one of the above shows up on their walk home from school one day, because they’ve spent plenty of time with this person. (because I’m gonna assume you aren’t going to tell them ‘go hang out with uncle Joe.  I’ll be right here so he doesn’t rape you.’)  ~75% of kidnappings are friends and family. (Stats summarized here: https://www.parents.com/kids/safety/stranger-safety/child-abduction-facts/, with further citation of FBI, NCIC, etc. statistics)  Letting a known predator have access to your child to develop trust, familiarity and their own fantasies about your child.. 

I know your instinct to allow some contact and supervised visitation comes from a place of compassion, but I don’t really think it’s a great idea.  Certainly not one I’d entertain.

 

Post # 108
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club

kdums2018 :  ummm. no.

i love my husband and my family but i LOOOOVE my son. Anyone ever harms my child in any way, you bet i will do ANYTHING to keep him safe. ive cut out people out of my life for hurting my loved ones and myself (not going to go into details). and you know what? its the healthiest thing ive ever done. 

Post # 109
Member
6409 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I don’t have advice for the OP except to say that even without hard evidence of pedophilia, Pinterest boards of young girls would creep me out to the point that I could never be intimate with him again, and I could NEVER allow my child with him unsupervised again. 

As for kdums2018, IMO it wouldn’t matter if the pedophile was her dad or anyone else. No woman should EVER value some damn man over her own child. I would fight tooth and nail to avoid ANY visit, supervised or otherwise. People are very fond of putting mental illnesses on par with physical ailments, and in many cases they should be. But as others have explained – with research to back them up – pedophilia is NOT something that can be cured or rehabilitated. 

Post # 110
Member
68 posts
Worker bee

kdums2018 :  have you ever been preyed upon by a pedophile? Have you ever felt dirty and ashamed as an 8 year old? Something like that damages a person.

I understand it is a type of mental illness, but it is one that harms other innocent people, they don’t deserve to be around children.

If I ever found out my child’s father did anything even remotely wrong with/ to someone underage, I would do everything in my power to make sure he would never see my son again, that includes going underground. 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  ksks9876. Reason: Spelling
Post # 111
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

kdums2018 :  i don’t GAF who they are. I’m not keeping a pedophile in my life. Im also not keeping people who are abusive to children in other ways in my life.

I really don’t understand why you seen to think those behaviors shouldn’t have consequences. 

Post # 112
Member
9733 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

As far as I’m concerned if you rape or molest children then we can just wrap you in a lovely suit made of raw chicken and throw you into a pit of hungry crocodiles.

I don’t care if you’re the guy who lives down the street or my dear old Grandma. And on the brightside, the crocodiles get a nice meal. 

Post # 113
Member
953 posts
Busy bee

latestlog :  I’m just checking in to see if you’ve been able to contact any sort of crisis line to figure out your next steps / make sure law enforcement investigates the matter seriously. Also, wanted to see if you found away to avoid the aniversary? 

amanda1988 :  Wow – I had never considered the ways that supervised visitiation might also be harmful. You bring up a lot of excellent points! Thank you. 

Post # 114
Member
2245 posts
Buzzing bee

*bites tongue in half attempting to avoid a personal attack*

 

I cannot believe someone in their right mind would try to guilt a woman for not wanting her underage daughter around someone who is attracted to underage girls?? Like what the actual fuck?? Therapy is only a valid suggestion in so many cases—everyone cannot be fixed.

Post # 115
Member
6409 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

This whole thing reminds me of the Dear Abbey posts where someone who was molested by her father wonders if it is okay to let her daughter stay overnight with her parents. I’ve always wondered WTactualF?? Someone molested YOU as a child, and you wonder if you should give them the opportunity to molest your child, too? And people wonder why multiple generations of some families are so dysfunctional.

Post # 116
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 1993

What about installing some type of parental monitoring software on his phone? I know some parents that have them on their child’s phone. It emails them every website visited, text messages, location, etc. Some even have a keylogger on it. I don’t know if you can have it installed in some type of stealth mode or not. I’m not very tech savvy, so I’m not really sure if this a good suggestion or not. I’m just trying to brainstorm….

 

 

Post # 119
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

All I have to say is wow and I feel sorry for ur friends and family and ur children ..that’s messed 

Post # 120
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

 

kdums2018 :  Well, I don’t have kids yet but I am sure one day I will and them and my family both will have many reasons for people to feel sorry for them, but I can go to sleep with a clear conscience knowing it will never be because I exposed them to a pedophile.

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