Found photos of younger girls on his phone…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 121
Member
3485 posts
Sugar bee

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kdums2018 :  “All I have to say is wow and I feel sorry for ur friends and family and ur children ..that’s messed” 

Funny you saying that. The irony…

Post # 122
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Funny how this became a bash fest on me when we’re auppsupp to be on here giving sonesom is a very hard spot help and advice.

Again I’m not saying she should put her child in danger..justctha j she ahshouldn abandon someone she committed her life to that’s it.

If u are comfortable throwing away ur family, children or husband because something they’re struggling in life with that’s on u.

I would never endanger my children and am a good mother ..not that I need to explain my self to a [comment edited for violation of TOS]

In my life my people are not disposable …

Post # 123
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee

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kdums2018 :  grown ass men being attracted to TEENAGERS are not “struggling with life”. Also, it is a natural maternal instinct to want to distance yourself from someone who could potentially harm your children. 

 

Pedophiles ARE DISPOSABLE. Pedophile apologists are ALSO DISPOSAL. So with that being said, you’re not really adding anything useful to the conversation here…

 

eta: it is terrifying to know that if you were in this situation, you would keep your kids in the same vicinity as this man just for the sake of maintaining your own superiority complex by “not just giving up on the marriage”. Have you not read the recent thread about a girl who was molested by her stepfather when she was 7, and her mom is *still* married to him?? Because to me, people not walking away to save their own children for the sake of “not throwing away the marriage” cause situations exactly like that…

Post # 124
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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kdums2018 :  if you allow your child around a pedophile and make them think this person is safe and okay to be around, don’t you think you are setting them up to ignore their off feelings about a stranger? You are basically conditioning the child to believe those types of people are safe. How can you teach them to differentiate between a pedophile they don’t know trying to get close to them is wrong but someone daddy, Uncle, Grandma, etc are safe? Because you will only hope daddy, Uncle, Grandma won’t cross the line with them which is what they will come to believe about anyone who gives them that weird feeling that their intentions aren’t pure, that they are safe because the pedophile that Mommy makes them be around is safe. 

Post # 125
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee

why is this even an issue?  She should turn his perverted ass in.  Like yesterday.

Post # 126
Member
4286 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

kdums2018 :  you really can’t claim you would never endanger your child, and then defend pedophiles. The fact that i even have to say that is so troubling to me. 

Post # 127
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

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kdums2018 :  It’s about priorities. And if you’re the type of mother who would continue to support her predator-husband and not stand by her daughter, shame on YOU. Because in this situation, you can’t have it both ways. That is what a child grows up learning: who did my parents prioritize.

Post # 128
Member
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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kdums2018 :  

How exactly do you reconcile the two—not “abandoning” her husband while at the same time, not putting her daughter at risk?

Your original advice to the OP was that she:  try to help him heal his sickness.

Any suggestions on how she should do that?  The psychiatrists at Harvard are stumped.  Maybe you could help them out.

Also, you may recall that I asked you to post some links to the sources you were using to support your position that pedophelia is treatable.  Thus far, you have failed to post any such links.

Post # 129
Member
9101 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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kdums2018 :  “In my life my people are not disposable” — But your own child’s sense of self-worth, safety, and innocence are. You do not owe child rapists or wannabe child rapists access to your children. You do owe your children protection from child rapists and wannabe child rapists. Even if they don’t actually molest your kids, they are fantasizing about it. Good moms do not let their kids be pedo fap-fodder. 

Post # 130
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

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kdums2018 :  a mother has a moral and legal obligation to keep her child safe from pedophiles. I sincerely hope that your comments here are just rhetoric, and not how you are acting in real life. At the very minimum it is strange advice from one mother to another. 

Just to break it down for you:

child safety > relationships

child safety > feelings  

 

Post # 132
Member
7558 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think it’s possible to feel compassion for the burden pedophiles carry – an innate attraction that they can NEVER act on because it’s illegal, cruel, and sick – while also refusing to have any pedophiles you know in your life. If I was childless and intended to remain so, and I had a friend or family member struggling with pedophilia, I could mayyybeee see myself trying to support them as they got treatment or whatever, but there’s not a chance in hell I’d maintain a relationship that involved any in-person interaction whatsoever if I had children. Ultimately pedophilies are people too – people who have been dealt an absolute shit card in life – and I wouldn’t wish pedophilia on my worst enemy. But if you have a child, you absolutely have to prioritize the safety of your child above everything else, and imo that means going no-contact with pedophiles.

Post # 133
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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kdums2018 :  I don’t think pedophiles is a sickness or a phase of struggling in life.  It’s a preference and that’s extremely frightening.  We, as society, can try to make them see how it is disgusting and in turn they just hide their true nature better.  But deep down that’s still what they like.  

My SIL has a creepy ass husband.  He hugs females (kids to elders) inappropriately and see no fault in his actions.  We can nag at him, tell him it’s inappropriate but he’ll throw down the victim card and then be comforted by his own family members.  He knows it makes people feel uncomfortable but he still does it.  My nephew started mimicking his father’s actions and I’ve become much more protective over my baby daughter because how the hell can she tell me if something is wrong – especially if she’s growing up seeing people treat it like it’s normal.

So yes, I – as your termed it- disposed my SIL husband for the sake of my children.  Is it on me – sure – why not.  I honestly don’t give a shit taking the blame. Because I never want my children to grow up thinking that it’s okay to be uncomfortable and feel disgusted with themselves so someone else can feel pleasure from their actions.  Nor do I want them to grow up thinking it’s okay to disrespect other people bodies and feelings just so they can get off.  If I have to “dispose” people for the sake of structuring a safe, healthy and trustworthy environment for my children to grow in so they themselves can grown up into good people then yes – I will.  Because that’s what parents should do.

Post # 132
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

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echomomm :  My mother told me when I was 21 – and had gone to her for the first time in my adult life looking for help, or at least sympathy for the major depression I was in – that she was molested by one of her older brothers when she was a child.  

This older brother was the uncle that she had allowed both myself and my two brothers to spend the most time with when we growing up.  There was barely a weekend when we didn’t spent at least one full day with him…going to the pictures, to the park, etc.  We also used to go grocery shopping with him at a large mall about 10 miles away from where we lived every single Wednesday afternoon after school…

So either my mother was lying about the abuse, or she had deliberately put her children in the path of a pedophile.  As I find it hard to believe any sane adult would do the latter, I have sadly come to the conclusion that my mother is a attention seeking liar. 

If I am wrong…

Post # 133
Member
574 posts
Busy bee

 

An interesting video to throw in the mix 

Post # 134
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

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kdums2018 :  

 

I want to tell you something. 

I was groomed at 12 years old. I did not know what to do. I was so well groomed he passed me around his mates. Before I was even 14 I had literally 17 different sexual partners. ALL FRIENDS WITH THE ORIGINAL GUY. 

 

I was shamed and told the only thing I would ever be useful for is sex. 

 

I have battled physical and mental abuse on more than one occasion all because one scumbag made me feel so worthless I agreed to do whatever he wanted. Ever since then I have been taken advantage of far too many times. I’ve battled anorexia, depression, crippling anxiety and total dick heads  who would literally anally rape me or force my head down until I couldn’t breathe if I got my period. Being pinned up against a wall and punched if I tried to refuse. Most people would not believe the crap I have been through. 

 

Dont you dare tell me these people deserve anything but solitude and castration. 

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