Post # 31
- Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club
I just had a discussion with my husband about this. So yeah, keeping sexual pics and jerking off to your ex is a big no-no. we both agreed that sometimes some memories when aroused do come up about an ex, and its fine. Especially because well, they were a part of our life at one point and they knew how to get us off. Doesnt mean im jerking to him; i just remember liking something from over a decade ago. But i would not go back and look at an old pic of us and jerk off.
Post # 32
Having sexually explicit pics of an ex would hurt deeply and would not be okay with me at all. And saving pics of a girl you know on Facebook is creepy. Both of those situations make me feel icky and I would not feel good if I was in that position. I’ve been in the position 7 years ago when we first started dating but we were teenagers..and it was a random hook up not an ex girlfriend. I would be x10 more upset because we are married now. But at that time my husband apologized the same as yours, didn’t seem to even remember he had pics of this random hookup. If you are satisfied with his explanation and can forgive him that’s what you should do.
Post # 33
Old bee here married a long time. There are so many much harder challenges in a long marriage. The most important thing is that he handled things appropriately when you asked him about it. Reading your post – it almost seems like you think you should be more upset than you are. I think your instincts that this maybe isn’t a huge deal are right. I would forgive him and focus on all that is good in your marrieds. Hugs to you.
Post # 34
I spoke to him about it last night again.
I told him – it’s disrespectful to his ex, ad to me, to have explicit material of her on your machine.
I told him my gut didn’t believe he was telling the truth about the other women, that there’s a part of me that suspects those images were sent to him. I said there’s no way for you to prove otherwise, so I need to see if I’m ok with the idea you could have been talking to other women 1-2 years into our relationship.
He said – He was telling the truth, but understands why I have those doubts because he can’t prove it. He apologised again for not deleting it earlier, and he agreed it was disrespectful to keep the content on his ex when they both moved on a decade earlier. He wasn’t defensive at all. He accepted he did the wrong thing and indicated he would let me work through it in my own time.
There’s a reason I don’t trust him… he hid some debt from me, which I knew about but what waiting for him to be honest. It took 4 months for him to tell me the truth, lying to me over and over. I finally had enough and said “look, I know, just fucking tell me the truth”. He broke down. Told me he was embarrassed about a business deal that went wrong, that I warned him about before he took. Told me he had failed as a partner. At that point I took control of all of our finances, joined them, and we started building bridges to move on. He isn’t a natural liar and I know this ate him up inside. We never had another incidence like it, the debt got paid off, and he’s worked hard to be a wonerful partner. Everything has been so transparent since then – our finances, our lives – everything. We came out the other side stronger.
But it proves a point: when he is embarrassed or ashamed, his first instinct is to lie.
Do I think he’s telling the truth in this instance? I hope so. I want to believe it. But there’s also a part of my gut that’s telling me that, because he lied about a big thing before, he might be lying again. Even if it’s so far in the rear-view, its a deception nonetheless.