(Closed) found pictures on my BF's phone

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
1877 posts
Buzzing bee

@sortawaitingbee:  You can talk to him, but he will probably just conveniently explain it all away/ make excuses/ lie.  If it was me, I’d run for the hills.  You deserve a man you don’t need to check up on who loves you and treats you with more respect than this. His text exchanges show disrespect for you, comittment, and the relationship you are building. My answer would be different if you two weren’t in a clearly defined committed relationship, but if you are in a committed relationship, those text exchanges are not acceptable. Love and respect yourself enough not to settle and put up with this.  You are a precious child of God and deserve better.

 

Post # 63
Member
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

🙁 I would be so upset! Honestly, this is a huge red flag and I would cut my losses.

Post # 64
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

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@figgnewton:  +1 I completely agree.

Post # 65
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Douchey, inappropriate, disrespectful.  You’re not married, you just moved in together.  I say cut your losses now before you’re deeper in this relationship. 

Post # 66
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@BrandNewBride:  +1. That’s what I would do too. Cheating isn’t only physical.

Post # 67
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

dump his ass! lucky you found this before there was a legal commitment.

Post # 68
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with the PP’s. Get rid of him. Something really similar happened to me. I snooped through a boyfriend’s email and he was flirting completely inappropriately with some huzzy. She even asked him on a date on the day I was taking him out for his bday. At the least, he didn’t cancel on me–he simply asked her for a rain check. So I could take him out and pay for his fucking dinner.

But what actually hurt the worst was how he described me to someone else as “pretty but not too pretty. Just enough to turn me on.”

I was furious and hurt. I never told him I snooped. I just dumped him. And no, I am not sorry I snooped even though I found that hurtful information. I am just glad I found his true colors out and what a parasite he was and dumped him.

Post # 70
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

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@mydeadfriendx:  FTW! Hahaha that’s awesome!

 

OP I’m so sorry for you, you deserve more than this creep. Seriously, who says stuff like that? Just…gross. 34 years old and acting like a horny tennager. I’d definitely confront him about it, but try to keep your cool if you can. You’ve got him on the hook for the pictures and comments, who knows if there are other things he needs to ‘fess up to. Make sure you get all your questions answered before you lose it on him- if you end up deciding to leave it will help with closure and the knowledge that you did the right thing if you’ve got the whole picture (no pun intended.) 

Post # 72
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I agree with the dump and run girls. If you confront him he’ll know you went through his phone and you’ll never get your hands on it again. And if you stay you’ll always wonder. I know it seems hard since you came so close to marriage but I think you’ll look back in a couple years and be glad you ran from the waving red flag.

Post # 73
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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@joya_aspera:  this just made me LOL at work, by myself, in a silent office.

OP I’d be outtie, that is not ok.

Post # 74
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants a relationship, but some part of him (haha, guess which) still wants to be single and flirt with women. He might not have planned to take it any further than texting, but I think it’s a sign that he is not ready to be completely committeed and get married. 

Also, you now know he has the capacity to hide stuff like this and be a bit sly and untrustworthy. I would just be ready to move on and find someone that wants what you want and will treat you better than this. 

Post # 75
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sortawaitingbee:  I’m so sorry. Trust broken. I would leave. I think the other bees have some really good lines and advice.

Post # 76
Member
4654 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@MissStruggles:  Aaaaahahahahahaha

Yeah, you have to ask yourself, what could he POSSIBLY say in a conversation that would be good enough for you to forgive what you saw? You need to have that in mind before you go in. 

If there’s nothing he can say that would make you feel better/forgive, don’t bother, just break up for both of your sakes. 

Everyone screws up sometimes, for their own stupid reasons. (Not always in that way, but nobody’s perfect.) Maybe you’d feel better/forgive if he immediatey accepted his guilt, apologized, seemed truly repentant, and gave you not just a promise it’d never happen again, but an action plan to work WITH you and make sure it doesn’t. Or something like that. Figure out what he could say to make you feel better, and DO NOT ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS.

He is the one on trial here. You need to go into this conversation with the attitude that he’s on thin ice. 

If you decide to talk, and he even makes a peep about you snooping, tries to lie or deflect, or seems more upset to be caught than that it happened in the first place, you know it’s not a weird mistake, it’s just him. DTMFA.

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