(Closed) Found something in SO’s email. He denies it. Not sure what to think.

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with some of the others that this may be an old account that he is still getting random emails from. Stupid yahoo personals still sends me emails from an account that I had 4 years ago and that I thought I had properly closed.

I would take him at his word for now but just be on guard and watch for further signs.

Post # 48
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

has it ever occurred to you this might be like a phishing website???? like, you click on the link, it takes you to a scam page, then you enter your “usual” password and bingo! they now have your email AND your usual password


I don’t know if that’s the case, but it is possible……

Post # 49
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I work for a leadership development company where people have to be on our website, click on a specific link on a specific page, fill out a bunch of their personal info, and hit submit in order to sign up for our courses.  At least once a week I’ll get a phishing registration that’s filled out with entirely fake information. (like, literally each line is just “kldhjslfkj”) Why would someone do this?  I don’t know.  But does it make me believe that phishers will fill out any form and sign up for anything in order to get whatever info they think they need?  That, combined with several pp’s ideas that it was a scam to gain your password because ANY password would’ve worked and I’d tend to believe your husband.  I think he’s in the clear and you’re letting a simple, stupid spam message give you doubt.  Don’t let the scammer scum win!

Post # 50
6980 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

If your husband has given you no other reason to doubt him… I would believe him. I’d bet on phishing scam (good thing you didn’t use his current password!) or old account that changed names (or old account he remembers and is embarrassed about). 

But… I’d maybe just keep an eye open. Don’t be untrusting but this is an odd thing. If two or more odd things start piling up then you might really need to examine some things. 

Post # 51
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I haven’t read all of the responses or anything but I will say this.  Someone opened up a fake account on a dating website for me.  They posted my pictures, name, birthday, etc.  Everything.  It happens so don’t assume he’s lying.  I’m not saying he is for sure telling you the truth, but know that this kind of thing definitely does happen.

Post # 52
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Honestly, his story sounds pretty legit. When dating/single sites first blew up, a lot of people who never actually used them would sign up just to check them out (I did, Fi did, and I know lots of my friends did.) If he really didnt create much of a profile, I would bet that is exactly what he did. 

And until I stopped using that old (like 10 years ago) email address, I would still get emails from the dating site every once in a while. Fi still uses his super old email address and he still gets an email from one of those sites every once in a while.

I would maybe keep an eye out for anything else suspicious, but if this is all you found, I wouldn’t worry about it. 

A few friends had heard someone else we know  (who we dont particularly like) was using match.com, so of course we had to go check out the profile and have a laugh over it…we had to create a profile to view theirs and if its only used once, it would be easy to completely forget about.

I see a few people recommending you create a fake profile to “test” him, but I think that should only be considered if you’re pretty d**n sure that he’s doing something wrong. It shows that you dont trust him, is dishonest on your part and you have to consider how you would feel if the roles were reversed (ie what if he didnt trust you and created a fake profile on facebook to “lure” you to flirt/cheat – I would bet you’d be pretty bothered by that). It seems like a great way to create a lot of problems in your relationship~

Post # 53
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

ahh and I’ll say more!


I have used dating websites in the past (that’s how I met my FI), and to this date i still get emails with my “matches”, even though i deleted my profile YEARS ago. One of these websites recently “relaunched” their website (I know because i got MANY emails telling me about it) and someone my old, deleted account was reinstated!!! Luckily my Fiance doesn’t access my email (though I have no problem in him doing so) so I could go and re-delete it completely. I honestly don’t know what else to do about it, but I haven’t been there in years, and all I need to do to “reinstate” my old, delete account is to enter my email and my usual password!


Finally, I’m not saying this is what happened, but unless you have more reason to be suspicious, I would try to push it to the back of my mind and wouldn’t lose sleep over it

Post # 54
22 posts

@mn890: I am sorry you are going through this – I have been there myself and we were able to work it out. I will say that from my experience I think he is lying – and I think a lot of men use their irriatation as a method of distraction. Again, this is from my personal experience. More than likely he signed up for this, given it is his password and a user name that makes sense yet wouldn’t have been phished from anything. If it is a sex site, check when the site was launched. Also see if you can log in with the same username and password to similar sites. He likely clears internet history but I would check cookies for suspicious sites. There would be no point for a hacker to do this…

It may mean he wanted to look at videos and is embarrassed and nothing more. I hope you can get him to be honest with you and then I think you can work though it.

Post # 55
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

This is complicated!!  It’s always tough to find the truth in these kind of weird situations… All I can say is that I would feel the same way you are!! You are allowed to second guess a situation that seems fishy, and it sounds like you’re both keeping your heads on straight so it’s not going to be a huge problem either way.  Obviously you have access to his email and he knows that so I’m sure you’ll notice other things if he is in fact lying….. I’m not suggesting that you stalk him though!! haha!

Post # 56
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’ll be honest, it doesn’t sound right. But of course you know that already which is why you came here. The password thing is the one fact that sort of proves he knowingly set up an account. And if that is the case, he should remember it. I did some online dating years before I got together with DH and remember every detail about it.

Also, someone said that he might have created an account to look at pictures. I would totally believe that, esp. since you said his profile had no info on it. He might have gotten a teaser email or seen an ad and got far enough with clicking that all he had to do was set up an account to finally click and see the picture he was trying to see.

If I were you, I would talk to him again. I would say that I don’t believe he didn’t set up an account because of the password. And in general it’s OK for him to look at porn online, but signing up for a website like this is taking it too far. Maybe then he will come clean, but either way he knows you’re onto him.

Post # 57
3292 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

The red flag is (aside from the password thing, as everyone says) that he said he “doesn’t remember” if he signed up for the account a long time ago. Of course he would remember. Maybe it’s innocent at this point and he’s just embarrassed that it happened, but he’s still not coming clean. Trust your instinct, and don’t be afraid to have some serious and possibly painful conversations with him in order to get this all straightened out…otherwise, if you’re anything like me, it’ll bug you forever. 

Post # 58
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I only want to comment on the part about this possibly being an old account.  It could be.  I actually work in the adult industry and while it’s not for a dating site, I can confirm that if you sign up for a free account for a dating site, cam site, or even a porn site you will get emails ocassionally to remind you of it’s existance.  People tend to sign up and completely forget about it and the site wants to try to get a paying customer.

As for the password, I have used the same password since 1995.  Chances are if I get an email about a site I forgot I joined 13 years ago to the email address that I use to sign up for things and I enter my regular username/password, I’m getting in.

Just wanted to throw that out there since the ocassional emails to former customers that never closed their account is the way the industry works.

Post # 59
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The phishing is unlikely. Scammers tend to send phishing emails from sites that people would actually be using and that they want the password for. Paypal, Amazon, Facebook, etc. They wouldn’t use a website that you had a low probability of actually having an account on (like a fake porn/dating site), because the way they work is they expect you to open the mail–say “oh I should sign on for my account” and then log in to the fake site. If your husband didn’t have an account on that site he would never sign into it and they couldn’t get his password. Especially since it seems to be a legitimate site (it actually had a profile set up etc.)

Frankly what I think happened is that since women obviously post nude pictures to the site he signed up as a source of free porn. He probably never intended to use it as a dating site. But he doesn’t know how to explain this, so he denies. 

Post # 60
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have seen scams where you can type in ANY password and ANY email address and it takes you to a website (it usually spreads a virus onto email account or spams everyone listed on your email address book.) Could that be a possibility?

You could always try clicking on the email again and typing in your email and password. Just a thought. 

If it’s not spam – it sounds like you guys have a solid relationship and maybe he is using it for more of an adult site and was too embarrassed to say anything when you asked. 



Post # 61
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Random note:

DH and I met on match.com and even though after dating we both closed our accounts DH got charged on his credit card a year later.  They tried to auto renue his subscription even though it had been cancelled.  He of course called and they took the charge away (and told them it worked!).

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