Post # 31
I think it depends on the size of your families and where they’re located–I could honestly see four showers being reasonable, say: your family, his family, your friends, and coworkers. I think church showers are also not uncommon in many communities. I’m anticipating 2-3 showers myself (family, coworkers, possibly friends–our families are both out of state).
That said, with the exception of coworker showers, I agree that people who are not invited to the wedding should not be invited to the shower, and a “golf girlfriends” shower sounds awkward to me. If she did invite those people as part of her twenty guests, then IMO she could ask those guests to the shower for their side of the family. And while it does sound ridiculous, if these things are apropos in her circle (she’s attended and gifted at showers for daughters/in law of her friends), it might not be the worst thing in the world to grin and bear it.
In the end though, she’s not brought it up again, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it until she does. 😉
Post # 32
4 showers is way too much. I too think more than one is overkill unless it’s a work shower thrown by your coworkers.
Given your circumstances, I would decline the one with the golf friends since they’re not invited to the wedding anyway.
Post # 33
I think you should do what feels right to you, but I get the “keep the peace” side of it as well.
I almost ended up with 3 showers because friends and family are spread accross the US. I was flattered and grateful but didnt want a competition. I also didnt want anyone to feel slighted. What I negotiated (lol) was a Bridal Luncheon from my SIL in 1 state, a full blown shower by my Maid/Matron of Honor in another and a Spa Getaway with friends in yet another state. Everyone is happy which makes me estatic. If only the rest of the planning was that easy.
Post # 34
Those of you saying 2 or 3 showers is “overkill” obviously don’t come from large families. Like I said above I had 3…my mom’s side had 20-25 women at the shower…dad’s side had 25-30…and my in laws’ shower was probably 20-25. So…75-ish people in total. All living in different areas, and not everyone knowing each other. I didn’t ask for 3 showers, but I wasn’t about to say “oh hey, Aunt Sue, instead of hosting your own shower for my mom’s side could you all please drive 2.5 hours to the shower my dad’s side is throwing? Thanks!” I purposely told bridesmaids, parents, etc. that they were NOT expected to bring multiple presents since they were invited to multiple showers. Heck I even told my bridesmaids not to even bother with gifts because they were already putting in a good amount of money towards the wedding. My bridesmaids ended up splitting it up, so each only came to one of them. When there are already over 20 people invited to each shower, it makes absolutely no sense to combine into one big shower…I feel like if that were the case I would STILL be opening shower gifts haha.
Post # 35
I had three baby showers … One huge family one, one at one of my clinic locations and one at the other but that was a baby and I needed stuff (Rough pregnancy too).. for a wedding shower I’d say yeah, excessive.
Post # 37
I have a large family but all of the females wouldn’t equal anywhere close to what you have! For a combined family shower, I would have about 20 total. For my friends & family friends shower I would keep it smaller with about 13. That’s with no overlapping other than my mom, Future Mother-In-Law, & Maid/Matron of Honor who I assume don’t count towards the “overlapping” rules, if they want to be included in both showers.