- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
Okay so we have had the world’s worst engagement. We decided to get married in under six months because I’m having health problems, and the health insurance at my job is complete crap. In order to get married that quickly, we decided to have a micro-wedding (originally fifteen people were invited). I have an extremely difficult family and we knew right from the start they wouldn’t be paying a dime for anything. So we’re coming up with all the money ourselves, while we’re both having health problems, and planning the wedding in six months. Stressful, but doable. Three days after we get engaged, my mom picks a fight with me. I don’t really want to give details, not interested in anyone taking sides on that, but after much deliberation, talking to his family and our guests and my therapist, I uninvited my family. They weren’t helping to pay for anything, and we’ve had a very bad history, and I decided they forfeited the right to be there. So that was the first thing, and let me say that was not an easy decision AT ALL. I struggled with it quite a lot and spent weeks deciding. After I told my mom she wasn’t invited she didn’t even bother answering my text, talking to me about it, apologizing, so I moved on.
So then I started having issues with my Maid/Matron of Honor. I actually put up a post on here about her a few months ago. She was struggling with some issues related to alcoholism which led to her having some very bad behavior (taking painkillers while drunk, calling off work and going to bars, passing out and missing appointments with me, etc) and after about four months of it I finally asked her to step down. When I did that, she threw a complete tantrum and said some very awful and hurtful things to me, at which point I decided I didn’t even want her at the wedding anymore. So now our guest list of like twelve people has magically shrunken down to seven, and I now have ONE guest coming.
On top of all that, my fiance spent about two months dealing with mandatory overtime at his job, during which we worked anywhere from 50 hours a week to 80 hours a week with no choice, and I was left to manage the best I could. That was incredibly stressful and he ended up starting to job hunt.
And then after all that was said and done, I got a very painful fissure during our engagement and have been seeing my gastroenterologist constantly to deal with this and have even debated surgery. AND my fiance, who has asthma, got bronchitis about two months ago that is absolutely refusing to clear up. He’s been to the doctor THREE TIMES so far for this bronchitis and he’s been given steroids, antibiotics and a rescue inhaler and he’s still coughing so bad he threw up earlier tonight.
Then on Friday I got messages from my stepdad basically lecturing me for uninviting my mom. At no point have I gotten an apology, or anything from my mom asking to talk to me, saying I’m her daughter and she wants to be there, etc, just passive aggressive messages.
So at this point I would say all of the bullshit has totally killed my enthusiasm. I love my Fiance, I’m very happy to be marrying him, and none of the problems have been about our relationship or about us getting married. But all the external crap we’ve had to put up with has ruined me. We’re four weeks away from the wedding and I’m totally numb. Does this happen? How do I deal with it and will it go away? I tried briefly to talk to my Fiance about it but from the little I said to him, he started to get really upset, so I had to stop. Help!