- 3 weeks ago
This is my first time posting here and I’m so happy I found this community! There’s some comfort in knowing I’m not alone in my feelings.
Its a bit of a long story but here it goes:
Four years ago, he was a friend of a friend and I was in a long term relationship when he met me. I was unsure of what I wanted at the time and he came and swept me off my feet.
The first year was amazing. He and I shared all of the same life goals and near and mid term plans and we discussed them at length all the time. It was like he knew me already! We talked about moving away together and getting that place near the water we always talked about. He would also send me pictures of the beach and talk about how we would make it happen. He would also take me on trips to Europe and South America on a whim. It was always so amazing. We would spend a week in Venice or a week in Peru. All these places I had never been and I was so happy to share them with him.
After six months, we had been talking and spending so much time together, we decided we should move in together while we saved for that move to our place near the water. This was where we hit our first snag. He likes to explore the different neighborhoods in Seattle and so we ended up moving 3 times in 18 months which was exhausting for me. I told him after the 3rd move that the next place we moved into better be to our home on the water. We haven’t moved since.
Over the next three years, we continued to take exotic trips. He planned a trip for us to go to Australia and then to South Africa and then to Iceland. We averaged about 4 trips a year. All the while, I kept the conversation going about our long term goals but his enthusiasm seemed to get weaker and weaker. He was/is doing well at his job and gets paid a great salary. I was advancing well in my career too. But I started having more serious talks with him about timelines and his responses ranged from “when we get that house” to “when you least expect it” to “when we have enough money”.
Over that time too, I’ve watched all my friends and sisters find someone, get engaged, get married, and buy a home. Meanwhile, we still have our apartment and spend half our income on travel. Right now, I can’t get him to commit to a dog! The tipping point for me was this year when we went to Venice for a romantic vacation and I was expecting a proposal and we stopped for a photo and I thought it would be it. Then nothing. Then we took a trip to Japan and the same thing happened. I’m grateful for all the experiences we’ve had together but I’m ready to take that next step in life and I don’t know what’s holding him back.
For those who think I need to sit him down for a talk, create a timeline, etc., I’ve done that many times. I don’t believe in ultimatums so our talks have been me saying “I want to be engaged in the next year” and he’ll agree but then nothing happens. We’ll go to our next destination and I think it’s the perfect time but then nothing.
At this point, I don’t know what to do. I was attracted to him because we shared so many of the same goals and it seems like we aren’t on the same page anymore. It was like I was lured in with that and now we’re just waiting for our next vacation. Please help!