FMIL doesn't drink but insist on paying for the booze?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
9993 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
mplsliz18 :  

Well if she seems set on it , just accept what she is willing to pay and make up the rest yourself .   No need to tell her about it either. 

Post # 3
6167 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Agree with PP. Give her half the bill and you can foot the rest. They’ll feel better and you’l be saving.

Post # 4
1894 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

So why don’t you compromise let her pay for the open bar the amount that she can afford and you guys top it up don’t change anything

Post # 5
11524 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

It sounds as if your Future Mother-In-Law is in possession of some *untraditional* “traditonal” information, and she’s sunk her teeth into it and is afraid to let go for fear of being wrong in someone’s eyes.

I don’t know where she’s getting that, but even though most weddings today do not follow the traditonal division of costs by family, it’s not actually traditonal for the groom’s family to pay for the reception bar.

I found an article on the Knot that speaks about this — and perhaps that’s what she’s holding onto. But that isn’t a traditonal expense for the groom’s family.

Perhaps if you send her to Emily Post, she’ll be willing to drop the issue and choose an actual traditonal expense for the groom’s family (not that she’s obligated these days to even do that!), but maybe she’ll be willing to let go of her obsession with your bar tab.

Post # 6
11524 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

For some reason, I couldn’t get my links to post, above. I tried them here, but I can’t get them to post here either.  Not sure why. 

Post # 7
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I agree with most of the above. She knows what the money is going towards and wants to pay, so let her pay what she is willing, and you two can just cover the rest. 

Or if that makes her feel bad or ‘cheap’ which it really shouldn’t, tell her it costs x amount less than it actually does so she still thinks she’s paying for all of it and feels good about that?

Not sure I fully recommend the not so truthful option though. 

Post # 8
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Brielle, it is the old tradition that the groom’s family pays for ……….the bride’s bouquet, all body flowers for both families, such as parents, grandparents, god parents, anyone serving (guestbook attendantds, ushers, etc) and the groomsmen’s flowers,  the rehearsal dinner,  liquor at the reception, and transportation if used was highly recommended, along with the honeymoon.   They also were the hosts for the engagement party. 

So I’ll bet that she did get a hold of an old  breakdown and is adamantly trying to do her part.  I agree with the previous posters that you just get a basic invoice for the amount that she is offering and include the balance in your catering/venue invoice.   


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