Post # 1
My FPIL are lovely people, and I am excited to be marrying into their family. However, I’m already running into a Future Mother-In-Law issue with planning.
We never expected his parents to contribute to the wedding (they are on a fixed income), although we are very grateful that they want to. My Fiance and I have decided that we will foot the bill for a full open bar, as most of our guest are traveling and we don’t want them to have to pay for alcohol at the wedding. His parents do not drink at all and the full open bar is well out of their price range, but she is insistent that the groom’s parents MUST pay for the bar. I told her that I really appreciate her generousity, but that I would feel more comfortable with her paying for something she would actually enjoy, like the dessert or the DJ. She will not budge, but wants us to lower the alcohol budget. I’m not willing to lower the alcohol budget just because she is not a large drinker (my family is Irish and German, we DRINK, and our friends are social drinkers as well).
Any advice on convincing her that her money would be better spent on something she would enjoy?
Post # 2
Well if she seems set on it , just accept what she is willing to pay and make up the rest yourself . No need to tell her about it either.
Post # 3
Agree with PP. Give her half the bill and you can foot the rest. They’ll feel better and you’l be saving.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre
So why don’t you compromise let her pay for the open bar the amount that she can afford and you guys top it up don’t change anything
Post # 5
It sounds as if your Future Mother-In-Law is in possession of some *untraditional* “traditonal” information, and she’s sunk her teeth into it and is afraid to let go for fear of being wrong in someone’s eyes.
I don’t know where she’s getting that, but even though most weddings today do not follow the traditonal division of costs by family, it’s not actually traditonal for the groom’s family to pay for the reception bar.
I found an article on the Knot that speaks about this — and perhaps that’s what she’s holding onto. But that isn’t a traditonal expense for the groom’s family.
Perhaps if you send her to Emily Post, she’ll be willing to drop the issue and choose an actual traditonal expense for the groom’s family (not that she’s obligated these days to even do that!), but maybe she’ll be willing to let go of her obsession with your bar tab.
Post # 6
For some reason, I couldn’t get my links to post, above. I tried them here, but I can’t get them to post here either. Not sure why.
Post # 7
I agree with most of the above. She knows what the money is going towards and wants to pay, so let her pay what she is willing, and you two can just cover the rest.
Or if that makes her feel bad or ‘cheap’ which it really shouldn’t, tell her it costs x amount less than it actually does so she still thinks she’s paying for all of it and feels good about that?
Not sure I fully recommend the not so truthful option though.
Post # 8
Brielle, it is the old tradition that the groom’s family pays for ……….the bride’s bouquet, all body flowers for both families, such as parents, grandparents, god parents, anyone serving (guestbook attendantds, ushers, etc) and the groomsmen’s flowers, the rehearsal dinner, liquor at the reception, and transportation if used was highly recommended, along with the honeymoon. They also were the hosts for the engagement party.
So I’ll bet that she did get a hold of an old breakdown and is adamantly trying to do her part. I agree with the previous posters that you just get a basic invoice for the amount that she is offering and include the balance in your catering/venue invoice.