(Closed) Freaking out about bachelor party…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Honestly,  I don’t really understand the custom of men (or women) having one last “hurrah” before they get married.  I don’t believe my fiance would cheat on me if he went to a strip club (though he’s told me he has no interest), but honestly, I’d be so skeeved out by it, I wouldn’t want to touch them.  I don’t know…this may be backwards, but I don’t mind my Fiance looking at porn during his once a week “appointment” as he calls it lol, but to me him wanting to go look at or touch naked women would be totally different.

 

I know that women on the board are often split on this issue.  However, to me, it’s a sign of huge disrespect if he knows it bothers you and he chooses to go anyway.  Luckly, my Fiance isn’t friends with any men who would take him anyway knowing how we both feel about it.  If you didn’t care if he went or not, that would be one thing, but the fact that he knows how you feel and chooses to go anyway is a bad sign to me.

Post # 4
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I know a lot of posters on here are totally OK with strippers and you might get a little heat from them for worrying about it. Just a warning.

However, I totally agree with you and I had a very strict “no strippers at bachelor party” policy. Not that he is really into them at all, but I knew his guy friends would try to plan something. Your Fiance just really needs to suck it up and tell his friends NO STRIPPERS. Is seeing a half-naked hoochie really worth all the pain and heart ache it will cause you? No way. It’s not worth the argument… and he just needs to set it straight with his friends.

I don’t think it is respectful to look at strippers when you are in a relationship, especially with someone you are about to marry. Respect is key in a relationship and he should not cross that boundary. Peer pressure or not. Period.

Post # 5
Member
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Michelleivy:  Well it sounds like you’re using the money aspect of the trip to sugar coat the fact you really just don’t want him to go to strip joints. You’re going to have to be upfront about what is botherineg you or he/they will try and fix something that isn’t really the problem (like your Fiance not paying, which none of my guy friends spent a dime at thier own bach parties). Some girls just don’t like thier guys going to strip joints. If you’re Fiance doesn’t care either way then maybe he can tell his Bridesmaid or Best Man to make alternate plans. If you’re Fiance likes going, then if it were me I would let it slide for one night. 99% of strip clubs are pretty good. I haven’t heard too many bad things about Montreal, granted there are girls that I’ve heard cross the line for a certain amount of money, but that’s not the majority of them and I doubt your Fiance would ever be one of those guys. The only difference between strip clubs in Montreal compared to where I am is that the girls get completely naked, where I am they have to wear pasties and g-strings by law, and some places don’t have a guy on staff lurking in the corner of private rooms. You should sit down with Fiance and have try to come to some middle ground.

Post # 6
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well, not to freak you out even more but, I have heard the strippers in Montreal can get away with ALOT more than they can here in the US which is why men like to there to visit the strip clubs. My Fiance told me about a trip him and some college buddies took years before I met him and the girls were getting the dollar bills out of the guys mouths with their “lady parts”. I feel the same way you do to an extent. I have let my Fiance know that my rule is no “house strippers” – you know, the ones that come to your hotel and have a private party? I have also heard stories about them from Fiance – he went to a bachelor party once and when the girls were done dancing they offered all sorts of sexual favors – with or without condoms – to the attendees of the party and two guys actually took them up on it. And I also used to work in a restaurant and the private room upstairs was rented out for a bachelor party and I was requested as the bartender (even though I have never bartended in my life). I worked the party anyway and I could not believe some of the stuff that was happening (sticking lollipops inside of them and then giving them to the guys to suck on – YUCK). Anyway, I have ok’d strippers in a strip club, where there are some sort of rules. Even than makes me uncomfortable but, you have to let go and trust a little. I know none of my stories have probably helped but, maybe you could set up some sort of boundries?

Post # 7
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

I’m just curious, what have you heard about Montreal that is not good?

I don’t know how you get over it. Either you sit quietly while he goes and trust that he will be respectful of you . . . or you voice your concerns/lay down the law and hope he doesn’t resent you for it. It’s a pickle.

Post # 10
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@daybyday:  I have just heard that the rules in their strip clubs are pretty much non existent where as around here you can’t touch the girls and they can’t do that much to you either. My Fiance said the strip clubs in the US are a waste of money compared to what you get in Montreal.

Post # 12
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You are perfectly within your rights to not be cool with strippers.  But if you trust your fiance to respect your wishes, it shouldn’t really matter where he goes for his bachelor party.  

Post # 13
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I mean I personally wouldn’t be ok with it and I would let him know. It would honestly have nothing to do with the money for me but more of the fact that I would be uncomfortable, expecially since he told you about the strippers in Montreal, and the fact that it’s not just a few hours out and then home. Sorry, I can trust my Fiance to the moon and back but, I for sure don’t trust some of his friends or some stripper trying to earn a few extra (or hundred depending on what they do) bucks.

Post # 14
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Does the groom usually pay for his own bachelor party in the US? it sounded strange to me because in Spain, the rest of the friends at the party will split all of his expenses, same goes for the bachelorette.

On the other hand, I can only say that i know how you feel… for some people strip clubs are not a big deal. For me it’s not acceptable. It’s not about trust. I am not a jelous person at all.  I just really think it’s tacky, bad taste and pretty much disgusting. There is no reason anyone should be looking at naked women while getting drunk and handing out money, I just don’t get the point.

i’m so sorry you are going through this. I think the only thing you can do is talk to him and be very clear about it. Strippers are not acceptable at the bachelor party and he should make it clear to his best man. If he says it sincerely, i’m sure his friend will listen and respects what he wants, but he has to be very clear

Post # 15
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@aheavel:  the guys actually put those lollipops in their mouths?!! oh hell no!

I am the most relaxed fiancee ever when it comes to bachelor parties, but if that went on, I would be livid.  you do not put my health at risk when you are in a committed relationship with me. 

I think you would benefit from some clearly stated boundaries, though.  your Fiance seems to say he was “dragged” somewhere, implying that he had no control and these things just happen… which is an immature way to tell you that he didn’t man-up and say no to his friends.  you need to make it absolutely clear that it’s not okay if he goes to a strip club, it’s not okay if he gets dragged to a strip club, it’s not okay if his groomsmen throw down $300 and he has to go just so they don’t lose the money for the strip club.  he is a grown man and he can respect your boundaries if he’s going to marry you.

Post # 16
Member
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Michelleivy:  So, if Fiance travels away for his Bachelor party with his buds and doesn’t spend any money, then you’re ok with it, as long as there are no strippers? I must have not understood the OP b/c I was surprised that money would be involved on his end since my buds have had their parties paid for.

Anyhoo, good luck. The strippers in Montreal are def a lot more “exciting” than in the states. And I forgot about the lollipop thing that another poster said, I’ve heard that too and it grosses me out completely. I side on strip clubs are ok, house strippers are not. I went to a house stripper party when I was younger and had to share the bathroom with a few of them the next morning since they stayed over night with some of the single and non-single guys, ugh! But that was back in the good old glory days of college.

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