Freaking out about officiant 3 months out.

posted 8 months ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
848 posts
Busy bee

No insight about officiants, but my opinion is if you’re feeling uneasy about the one you booked and have the opportunity to have someone special to you replace them, it seems like a no brainer. 

Post # 3
Member
1885 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I think it is pretty common now for the officiant to to skip the rehearsal. Or even to skip the rehearsal all together. 

My officiant said the same thing… he performs ceremonies there all the time and hasn’t had a rehearsal in years. Everything goes fine. 

This does make me nervous BUT the venue has a coordinator who will be there and this guy is a preferred vendor so they know his routine and will talk is through it. 

 

So I think you’re fine to keep it as is. But, if you’d rather it be your friend then go for it.

Post # 4
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee

Many officiants don’t do rehearsals anymore. It’s pretty normal. As long as you’ve talked through what’s going to happen on the day, I think it’s fine. Maybe it’s where I am but rehearsals and rehearsal dinners aren’t really a thing here. We’ll be requesting a rehearsal with our officiant, which will literally be the three of us and should only take 15 mins or so. But if she can’t do it, it’s no big deal.

With your friend, I’d suggest actually seeing her officiate before making that decision. While it sounds like a good idea at the time, things can go horribly wrong and ruin friendships if it doesn’t go the way you envisaged.

Post # 5
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee

For what it’s worth, most people I know (the soon-to-be-newlywed couple, not just the officiants) don’t even do rehearsals anymore unless there’s something particularly complicated about the ceremony or the ceremony space.  We’ve all seen what a wedding looks like, we all know how to walk, and the logisitcs of who stands where can be worked out in about 15 seconds with a diagram.  (I do think rehearsals can be useful if you have very young and shy children in the wedding party.)  

Post # 6
Member
1273 posts
Bumble bee

bibliophilacticbee :  were not doing a rehearsal. .never did at my first wedding either. I think it’s unnecessary. Unless you have a gigantic wedding party. 

Post # 7
Member
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

jcolleen :  Our officiant was at our rehearsal and I would have felt very uneasy if he wasn’t. I say go with your gut. Our officiant was amazing and it is such a huge part of your day and memories. If you feel like the gal you know would be more meaningful and you would feel more comfortable with her, then do that! 

Post # 8
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

We did not have a rehearsal at all, and everything turned out great.  The officiant knows what to expect – s/he’s done it a lot.

Our officiant was a dear friend.  It made the ceremony more personal and meaningful, for us, than to have an unknown officiant.  I never considered having a stranger marry us.

Post # 9
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

No rehearsal for us because our wedding was super private, small and simple…. But for what it’s worth I’d say go with the friend. As long as you aren’t out a TON of money for the deposit on the other person. I’m all about small meanings and we LOVED having someone important to us officiate our wedding!

Post # 10
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

jcolleen :  We changed officiants 2 months before the wedding. We had found him on wedding wire and prices were good. But it was almost impossible to get a response as we got closer to the wedding. He also contacted us saying he needed our choices of vows as our wedding was in 3 days (it was actually in 2 months). The fact he couldn’t keep the dates or couples straight made me decide to go with another officiant who was prompt, responsive and attended the rehearsal. We ended up losing our deposit but that’s okay. I left the first guy a one star review on wedding wire. 

All this to say is, the officiant is an umimporta player in the ceremony. If you want to go with another person, do it.

Post # 11
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - City, State

I didn’t have a rehearsal and we had our friend who set us up officiate. It was absolutely perfect and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. He never officiated before and he did amazing even without the rehearsal 

Post # 12
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

I was a first time officiant for a friend, and a different friend was a first time officiant for me. It was lovely! And fun, even without experience we didn’t do a rehearsal.

but do check with your friend to make sure she is ok with it!

Post # 13
Hostess
8480 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

Things are different here, I won’t meet our officiant until 10 mins before I walk down the aisle and to be honest I don’t care who they are. But, if you want someone else to do it then sure ask them if you really want. 

Post # 14
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

We aren’t bothering to do a rehearsal with our officiant and it sounds like it will be fine. We will more be doing a rehearsal so we can practice the pace of walking, where to stand, etc. It will be fine!

On the other hand, if you really want your friend to officiate, then just forfeit the deposit with the officiant. No need to freak out about it 🙂 you’d likely want to get your friend a thank you gift, so depending how much you put down with the officiant, I can’t imagine you’d be out a lot of money. Just make a decision based on your gut feeling and go with it! That’s what I’ve been learning in this crazy process haha. Good luck.

Post # 15
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

Our officant wasn’t at our rehearsal. We did facetime her but the connection was bad so we really didn’t talk to her long. We ran through the processional and recessional with the wedding coordinator and that was fine. No issues with not rehearsing the whole thing. 

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