(Closed) Freaking out don’t know what to do?

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Is Darling Husband willing to get video cameras to tape the 7 year old’s bedroom and where else he spends most of his time, kitchen, livingroom, where he can be taped hitting you? That might give him and the courts (If need be) insight into what is going on.

Post # 5
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@whattodowhattodo:  I don’t think you’re overreacting.  I absolutely understand your concern!  I do think, however, that you and your husband need to be on the same page.  I think it will be a regular point of contention if you go ahead and make a decision without him.  I do realize that your concerned and I understand why you are.  I would also be concerned.  It sounds like your home may not be a good match for him.

Post # 6
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I think you really do want to give him not only what is best for your bio child, but what is best for him and it honestly sounds like this environment is not what is best for him. If his councelors think he would do better in a group home setting then that it where he should go. To be honest it is more selfish on your DH’s part to want to keep him in your home because he doesn’t want to deal with the guilt of putting him somewhere else.

Post # 7
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Man, what a tough spot to be in. We are considering fostering and in our discussions my Fiance and I have always agreed that at if some point a foster child becomes a serious hazzard to children that are  permanently in our home we will a) go into therapy and if that doesn’t work b) we will have to look into another home for the foster. I hate to even type that out, but it is just the reality. You can’t allow one member of your household to harm the others and if all options have been exhausted ( which it sounds like they have been ) then for the well being of all children you HAVE to re-access. My heart just breaks for you. 

Post # 8
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@whattodowhattodo:  I am sorry, it’s so sad when a “child” behaves that way and nothing can get through to him, maybe he has autism? 

Post # 10
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@whattodowhattodo:  My son has ADD and his anger aggression thing was pooping in his pants! He had total control over this! He was on Ritalin for a while then Cylert and now he’s not on anything. (He’s 25) but he should be!

Post # 11
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I guess maybe I’m missing something but I don’t know why your first thought is that the 7-year old was molesting the 3-year old just because they were both hanging out in his bed.  My sister and I shared a room for years and often hung out in each other beds or hiding together in the closet or under blankets.  That’s how kids and siblings play.  Maybe there is more to the story than what you’ve shared here but nothing seems suspect to me.

That said, it do agree that it is an issue that he is constantly hitting, kicking, biting, and yelling when you are left alone with him.

Post # 12
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m so sorry this sounds like such a terrible situation. I know 3yr is young, but was your child able to tell you anything. Maybe even what game they were playing so that you could either but your mind at ease or make your decision very easily. I think it’s wonderful that you have tried so hard to help this child, you sound like an amazing woman. But maybe this child needs more professional help and a group home as suggested by the therapist might be best. Maybe you can put the child into the home temporarily and visit him and work with him there until he’s ready to come home.

Post # 13
Member
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

If it were me, he would be gone today.  There is just no way this can go on.  Darling Husband needs to be convinced of this immediately.

Post # 14
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

He needs to be gone. You need to make healthy decisions for your family. 

Post # 15
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

So…this is a six year old who has been living with you since he was four…am I reading that right? I’m sure he has abandonment issues since he is already in the foster care system. I can’t imagine how it will feel if you guys decide to send him away too. I am adopted myself and know that lots of foster kids and adopted kids act out in ways they can’t even really understand themselves because they are hurting. I would hope you wouldn’t be considering sending him away if you had actually adopted him.

I also agree with @FutureKMM in that I’m confused as to why you immediately assumed he was molesting your child. You said he’s almost seven, that means he’s almost six and you’re assuming he’s molesting your 3 year old??

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