Post # 1
omg bees, i’m nearly in tears.
i’m in law school, first year. I only have 3 grades so far. I am trying to get an informal internship with my father’s law firm back home for the summer – which is great, I honestly didn’t expect that would work out as my school schedule doesn’t match their hiring/intake.
So i excitedly wrote my resume and cover letter and sent it off to my dad to proofread and pass along (i offered to send it to the person, but he declined, i’ll be writing personalized cover letters which he will deliver). then the bomb drops – my dad asks for my undergraduate transcripts in addition to my marks so far.
bees – i’m so ashamed to write this but, i failed two classes in my last year of my undergraduate degree. It was a full year course, and the policy is that if you fail half, you fail both. So i worked my tail off and eeked by the first half, and failed the second. they retroactively failed me for the first half, leaving me with two Fs.
Obviously i was devastated, but never told my parents (or about other not so stellar marks). Don’t get me wrong, I have an overall good transcript and I’m smart – but I was not smart about choosing courses, i took what i thought looked interesting and often ended up with poor grades in ‘latin american history’ where my prof spoke mostly spanish to us, or ‘french for reading’ – one of our ‘reading assignments’ was french philosophy.
I’ve not told my parents any of this – they expect a lot of me, and I was ashamed. I graduated three years ago and thought it was all behind me – I honestly never considered that anyone would need my undergraduate transcript now that I’m in law school.
I’m so scared that everything that I’ve worked for is going to be ruined and overshadowed by a handful of crappy marks from years ago! What do i do?!!
Post # 3
ah, i swear my post had proper paragraphs – sorry
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I would just send it to him and offer no apologies or comments. You obvioulsy had the grades to get you into law school, and that was really all undergrad was for. If he want to talk about it, you can say that you’re not thrilled with them either, but there isn’t anything you can do about it now and you have learned from your mistakes.
Post # 6
Honestly, I doubt employers will be looking at your Latin American History and French For Reading and other such irrelevant grades. They’ll be looking at your major classes and your GPA.
As for your parents, just be honest (if they ask). You got good grades in the classes that matter, right?
Post # 7
I’m just very afraid that he won’t submit me for the internship – not out of spite, but specifically because i’d no longer be qualified, which would also be very embarrassing for him as he’s a senior partner.
I am smart, and I am in law school (doing well!) BUT i’m doing it in a foreign country which took life experience and work experience into account rather than just my grades.
my dad is the smartest, hardest working person i know, and it will disappoint him so much. I know it’s my fault, and I have to deal with the consequences, i just don’t know if i’m brave enough.
Post # 8
Oh punkin…don’t you fret over this at all….AT ALL, do you hear me? School is hard, and parents tend to forget that after the fact, but I would send it proudly, because you did good. And if you father starts eating your face about those two little F’s…I would ask for a copy of his transcript before he went ANY further.
Post # 9
@mepayne: thanks for the encouragement! you’re right – i did well in my politics classes, history, political theory etc.
it’s extra annoying that it’s my freaking science marks (which i’ve ALWAYS had huge issues with) that are coming back to bite me in the butt
Post # 10
@Nona99: oh i hope you’re right – i hope i can do that.
i just regret not telling them at the time – it would have been bad, but now it’s this omission/lie for years! they’ll be so disappointed and god knows what will happen to the internship.
i’m just really scared that it won’t always be my dad asking, it will be other employers – and i’m realizing that this might disqualify me for jobs in the future and it makes me sick 🙁
Post # 11
Can you just tell him you are looking at a different firm for you internship?
Post # 12
If you want sugar-coating and strokes, don’t read any further.
It sounds like you’ll have to buck up and take the consequences. If you can’t qualify for an internship at his law firm without causing him embarrassment then you’ll have to find your own way. Undergrad grades count, and you kind of by-passed the system by going out of the country to law school. It doesn’t matter what classes you failed. An F is an F.
TBH, you acted immaturely and hoped it wouldn’t come back to bite you but it did. Time to own up to your mistakes even if it costs you. I’d do anything not to put my father in a compromising position. Of course school is hard. But lying in addition to not doing well was a bad choice. Expecting benefits that usually come to people who break their asses to do well in undergrad and to get into law school is a problem. Lovely that you’re doing well now (at a law school in another country and that took you based on other criteria).
In a field like law, many people will be looking to your education before hiring you. Prepare yourself for a tough road ahead. Not brave enough to tell your father? Maturity, honesty and integrity are the things that will make him proud.
Post # 13
OP, I’m not going to speak to the situation with your dad specifically, because I think that PPs have given some great advice, but regarding the failures and future jobs – I think if anything, it speaks to your character, in a good way. Sure, you failed a couple of classes, but hey, look at how you overcame that with your overall GPA. GPA and scores certainly matter to an extent, but in a general way. Future employers just want to see that you have the brains and discipline to pass classes. Good GPAs are a dime a dozen. If anyone ever questions you on those classes, turn it into a “lessons learned” and explain how you overcame; it makes you unique.
My GPA sucked first semester of college but I brought it up and graduated with honors. It was one of my favorite things to talk about in interviews.
Post # 14
I went through high school getting perfect grades and my parents would get annoyed if I didn’t get A plus on everything. In my third year of my undergraduate degree, I just crashed – I was sick and in and out of hospital, in an abusive relationship and generally had no time or energy to study, so I failed everything. I thought my parents would murder me. When I finally confessed, my mum said the only important thing was that I was doing better, encouraged me to take a year off to recover, and told me about how she failed her first year of uni because she spent too much time at the pub!
I graduated in 2011 and am now doing a Masters degree and I’ve never once suffered negative consequences because of that one year of crappy grades. It is truly a blip on the radar. Most employers will just want to know that you’ve got the degree – the job will depend on how well you interview and many of them don’t even ask for your transcript.
If you really don’t want your dad to know, don’t apply for the internship at his work. If you do tell him, explain that you worked hard and point out that your marks from that point onwards have been good.
Post # 15
@hermom: i could, but this firm is the top firm – so saying that would invite just as many questions as my transcript
@lorie: i appreciate the honesty. I know that i’ve certainly made mistakes surrounding my grades and not telling my parents. it was a difficult period of time in our familiy for other reasons and i think i stupidly thought that i wasn’t worrying them with my problems, when i now see that they probably would have been happy to help me, or at least have appreciated my honesty.
I appreciate that it can seem as though i ‘bypassed the system’ going to law school in another country – but i’m also taking a law degree that isn’t even offered in my home country; so there is much more to my decision to attend here than my grades.
@kate02121: that’s really helpful advice. while i was having a freaking breakdown last night, by SO helpfully reminded me that they are hiring the student i am now. and although i might not have been an attractive candidate three years ago; since then i have started law school with success, become the vice president of the women in law society, and a volunteer caseworker for a housing tribunal. I am not the applicant who graduated three years ago – and my marks are only part of the story.
@littlebeanpole: so glad to hear that someone else has dealt with this! i know that my parents are going to be very upset – but my situation was a lot like you. my brother (who i lived with at uni) was having some serious problems for about 2 years, and i foolishly thought that they had enough on their plate, so i didn’t tell them. i really thought that i could handle it myself, and it got worse when i failed the course; but by then i was so used to dealing with it myself, i didn’t tell them. that was a mistake.
Post # 16
also – i’d just like to say, that this ‘internship’ is completely informal – i would not be getting paid or taking a spot away from anyone else.